Please give me your thoughts on my first chapter
A story of a boy who challenged the order of the world by standing up and fighting in Aequalitas High School in an uphill battle.
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Would not keep reading.
It's clearly written and you have a lot of ideas, but (please take this construcively) how you present your story is the antithesis of what writers do. Writers paint pictures, they tell stories by walking us through what happens in vivid detail. There is clarity and a through line that we follow.
Let's just get into examples.
1. In this world, there were only two kinds of people. People with a signum and people without one. There is no fundamental difference between the two kinds of people. But somehow, along the passages of time, it became some sort of conception that people with a signum were somehow inferior. Through ruthless human nature, it eventually became the norm to put down or discriminate against people with signums. The tensions between both groups only increased. Hatred spewed back and forth between both sides. And it is at the peak of all of this crap, that I was born. 3. A boy with a signum on his left arm. My parents weren’t exactly the most well off but they knew how to take care of me. They were completely overjoyed when I was born. But the abrasive nature of the world takes its toll on everyone eventually. 4. The signum group was slowly starting to become dominated by the non-signum group. 5. I didn’t know much about my parent’s suffering until I started middle school. It was at that time when I felt the discrimination and the pain. Then slowly began the existentialism questions. Am I wrong for being born with a signum? I knew that this thought had been on everyone’s mind at some point of time. I could see it in my parent’s eyes every now and then. Somehow, when I thought of it, I just ended up laughing. Laughing at how disgusting the very thought was. How does a question like that even exist?
1. This is horribly stupid and you can do this with any dichotomy. There are two groups of people: those who like spaghetti and those who don't. You haven't made a clever observation, quite the opposite really.
2. Now here we get into descriptive language. You just use bad vagaries. "People discriminate. It is bad." This is not what writers do. We need details. We need clever descriptions of prejudice and hate and all the things you're referring to. You don't tell us "They hated the other group" you show us how they hated the group and then we, the reader, say, "Oh wow. They really hate that group." This is doubly important from the MC's perspective because he goes on in a couple paragraphs to point out he was a victim of discrimination. . . . Not an event, just discrimination (once again). We need actual experiences, and since the MC is narrating, let them be his.
3. This is the part where I really knew you were in trouble. You keep mentioning "signums" and this is the part where I thought you would FINALLY TELL US WHAT THEY ARE. Like, if you had given that information here, it would have been too late, but at least it would have been reasonable. But at no point in this entire chapter do you explain in any modicum of detail what the premise for your entire story entails. The hell is a signum?
4. Contradictory to your world building. We start off establishing a highly prejudicial world.
5. You can't have a world with a class system based on prejudice and expect for a kid not to understand that until they get to middle school. This is where I wonder if it's a writing issue or a personal experience issue in that you don't seem to understand people or people groups. Why are you writing about something that you don't know about? And if you do know about it, why is everything completely devoid of any hint of personal experience.
And then finally, outside of communication of information, there is story structure. Wherein, you have none. I get the impetus to give us an overview in the first chapter, but you really need to zero in on an idea. Maybe it's the entrance exam to the high school. Maybe it's something else you find interesting.
Essentially what you have is a single conversation/ confrontation at the end of the chapter. That is the only time you tell a story here. And then the rest of it is just the obligatory "how did we get here" You COULD start your story off with a bully fight, because people understand high school and it's pretty normal. But in your world building, he's at this super special high school and it isn't ordinary, so using that as your start really isn't viable because it skips over crucial details.
Actually, with the ideas of school and class structure, and bias. Go read the first chapter of the Poppy War by Kuang. See the difference in the way information is given and the story is told. Go paragraph by paragraph and see what the author is accomplishing with each. And hell, do that with your own work.
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This looks fun, I want some honest feedback.
Would not keep reading.
There's actually a lot I like here. You have a good sense of description but the prose has some major issues. I actually thought you were being poetic at first because the description was on point, but then some of the issues were so glaring that it didn't work in even an artistic context. And that's pretty much how it read from then on out.
It feels like an "English as a Second Language Issue" which I know sucks. But hey, there's definitely some talent here so keep at it.