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CGiverny

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Okay so I'm in a critic mood, so I'm opening a thread to do reviews. I'll review the first 5 chapters of your story (one book per person please - but you can post all your books, just know I'll only do one for now and if I enjoy your writing then I'll do your other books.). I'm going to do 10 books for now (because I have a busy life) so it's a first come first serve thing. But feel free to post your book even after the tenth book, I may end up doing more people.

Anyway, just post your book link and whether you want me to post the review on your book page too. I'm going to post all review here, adding the review to your book page is just a bonus because I'm copy and pasting what I write here. That being said, if I don't enjoy your story, then I'm going to say that and vice versa.

Any genre is fine, my only requirement is that your book isn't pure smut. (Like at least 70% of the book has to have a plot to it). Also I have the right to deny giving you a review if I don't want to read your book.

P.S. For those wondering what my experience is as a book critic, I have 2 years in editing and 3 years experience in beta reading and arc reviewing.

Edit:
Please only post links from this site. I'm not going to review books from other sites.
 
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Prince_Azmiran_Myrian

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Go ahead and put the review there too.
Thank you.
 

Tempokai

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Thank you.
 

yuki2501

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Thanks in advance!
 

K5Rakitan

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I'll take one, as long as you give me a one-star review 😇
 

Scaver

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Please don't mind some slight inconsistencies hahaha. Review here for now. Rather than saying 5 chapter how about telling a word count? I mean that sounds more fair...
 

CGiverny

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Please don't mind some slight inconsistencies hahaha. Review here for now. Rather than saying 5 chapter how about telling a word count? I mean that sounds more fair...
I do 5 chapters because by then I'll have a gist about your writing and what your story is like.
I'll take one, as long as you give me a one-star review 😇
Okay sure.
 

ElijahRyne

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Here is mine:

Please do the review here!
 

melchi

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Okay so I'm in a critic mood, so I'm opening a thread to do reviews. I'll review the first 5 chapters of your story (one book per person please - but you can post all your books, just know I'll only do one for now and if I enjoy your writing then I'll do your other books.). I'm going to do 10 books for now (because I have a busy life) so it's a first come first serve thing. But feel free to post your book even after the tenth book, I may end up doing more people.

Anyway, just post your book link and whether you want me to post the review on your book page too. I'm going to post all review here, adding the review to your book page is just a bonus because I'm copy and pasting what I write here. That being said, if I don't enjoy your story, then I'm going to say that and vice versa.

Any genre is fine, my only requirement is that your book isn't pure smut. (Like at least 70% of the book has to have a plot to it). Also I have the right to deny giving you a review if I don't want to read your book.

P.S. For those wondering what my experience is as a book critic, I have 2 years in editing and 3 years experience in beta reading and arc reviewing.
Maybe check out mine if you think it might be interesting. Links are in signature.
 

Rufy

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Well, I want to know what I can do to improve my novel, if you can review then thank you very much.
 
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If ever, thank you!

 

RaineAndBow

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Thank you! Feel free to put the review on the page itself!
 

KrakenRiderEmma

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This is a very kind offer, thanks for doing five chapters and I’m suprised only nine novels posted so far? I’ll take the tenth slot although it’s got a lot of odd tags and is probably… 20-30% smut. So I’ll understand if you opt out of reading it! The sixth chapter is actually where it gets seriously smutty, so maybe that works out.

At the risk of pre-biasing I’ll also mention that this novel is an experiment in doing 50/50 human-AI generation; as the human half I do my best to improve the quality and narrative coherence but I’m intensely curious about how beta readers perceive that. Of course, by mentioning it I may already be predisposing readers towards finding it uncanny! But that’s better than trying to hide the process.

Please feel free to post review to the page too! Much appreciated.
 

CGiverny

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Please don't mind some slight inconsistencies hahaha. Review here for now. Rather than saying 5 chapter how about telling a word count? I mean that sounds more fair...
Do you have a ScribbleHub link. I'm only doing books on this platform (should have said that earlier)

Go ahead and put the review there too.
Thank you.
So plot looked okay. There's a lot you can do with it and it makes for an interesting fantasy world. I guess world-building was fine, although there were some things that didn't seem right to me.

First was that whole 'upright' walking which sounds really weird for a dragon to do, a little too human for a book that doesn't seem to have any in it. Honestly, most of the human-like things these beings do in your story seemed a little too weird for me, personally.

The next thing was Zeritha. You say she's a griffin and then say "hawk owl-snow leopard griffin". Griffins are typically part lion and eagle, but that's not really an issue (this is your own fantasy world and you could have different types of griffins I guess). My issue is how you describe her. It's hard to read it and you don't say how she's mixed (body of the snow-leopard, head of a hawk, wings of an owl etc.). I feel you could describe her better and maybe first say that's she's a "hawk owl-snow leopard griffin" instead of just griffin - because I had the normal image of a griffin in my head until I read the second part.

I do like that griffins have different abilities and wished you touched more into that. You tend to do well in setting descriptions but then other descriptions aren't done that great. There are parts of your world-building that also feel lacking, like there's no reason for it or explanation. Feels a little like the reader should know certain things.

Maybe I'm being too critical here, but world-building is a big thing for me (personal as a reader), especially in genres like fantasy and sci-fi. It doesn't mean that world-building is less important in other genres, I just expect more in those two genres.

Dialogue in general was good, there were some awkward parts but for the most part you did pretty good in that department. Some with grammar and spelling. Things looked good too, just watch out for tenses.

Anyway, good job on the story.
 
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Scaver

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Do you have a ScribbleHub link. I'm only doing books on this platform (should have said that earlier)

So plot looked okay. There's a lot you can do with it and it makes for an interesting fantasy world. I guess world-building was fine, although there were some things that didn't seem right to me.

First was that whole 'upright' walking which sounds really weird for a dragon to do, a little too human for a book that doesn't seem to have any in it. Honestly, most of the human-like things these beings do in your story seemed a little too weird for me, personally.

The next thing was Zeritha. You say she's a griffin and then say "hawk owl-snow leopard griffin". Griffins are typically part lion and eagle, but that's not really an issue (this is your own fantasy world and you could have different types of griffins I guess). My issue is how you describe her. It's hard to read it and you don't say how she's mixed (body of the snow-leopard, head of a hawk, wings of an owl etc.). I feel you could describe her better and maybe first say that's she's a "hawk owl-snow leopard griffin" instead of just griffin - because I had the normal image of a griffin in my head until I read the second part.

I do like that griffins have different abilities and wished you touched more into that. You tend to do well in setting descriptions but then other descriptions aren't done that great. There are parts of your world-building that also feel lacking, like there's no reason for it or explanation. Feels a little like the reader should know certain things.

Maybe I'm being too critical here, but world-building is a big thing for me (personal as a reader), especially in genres like fantasy and sci-fi. It doesn't mean that world-building is less important in other genres, I just expect more in those two genres.

Dialogue in general was good, there were some awkward parts but for the most part you did pretty good in that department. Some with grammar and spelling. Things looked good too, just watch out for tenses.

Anyway, good job on the story.
Sure.
 

Prince_Azmiran_Myrian

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There are parts of your world-building that also feel lacking, like there's no reason for it or explanation. Feels a little like the reader should know certain things.

Maybe I'm being too critical here, but world-building is a big thing for me (personal as a reader), especially in genres like fantasy and sci-fi. It doesn't mean that world-building is less important in other genres, I just expect more in those two genres.
Besides what you already said, what bits needed more explanation?
Was it stuff like the Covenant? That's going to be explained throughout the story, as it is fairly plot critical. The skarsh eating is explained in ch7.

And yeah, I know their humanness is weird but that's how its gonna be.

Thank you for your time and the critique.
 
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JoeOfTex

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Please be gentle, just kidding, ruin my day!

 

CGiverny

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Thank you.
Okay first thing that caught my eye was tenses. You seem to go between past and present tense which makes reading a little weird for me. It's probably best to stick to one tense (past tense seems better for this story in my personal opinion).

Another thing I noticed is that you do a lot of telling vs. showing. I know it's sometimes hard to find a balance between the two (trust I'm guilty of it too) but instead of just explaining everything, you could create scenes to explain some things. (This includes explaining a conversation when you're going to have dialogue afterwards)

Eg. Instead of having that whole introduction of the character, explaining everything while he is in the middle of the nightmare, make chapter one begin with the nightmare and showcase his abilities and skills. Basically move the nightmare scene from chapter 1 to the beginning and mix the first half of chapter one into the scene. I feel it'll give you the right balance of show vs. tell but of course it's up to you.

Ichiro apologized right away, but she didn’t pay attention because she was abandoning her life. Although she was only 18 years old, her heart was broken, and she was ready to die. She remembered vividly the day she lost all hope for herself, when the world became nothing but a dark void of despair. I’m sorry, Mom and Dad. It caught me again.
There were parts like the one above that were a little confusing and honestly seemed kind of random. Idk if it's because you did 'headjumping' or something, but maybe look into it. Honestly it would be better to have something like this when you're writing Renko's pov instead of 'headjumping' in Ichiro's pov.

Otherwise, I think you've got an interesting story. Your descriptions are generally good and the plot is nice. Just keep improving your writing and I believe you'll have a great story.

Thanks in advance!
First of all, I'm counting the front cover as a chapter. I've never seen someone use their cover as a way to explain some parts of their story's world. It was weird but interesting too.

Okay jokes aside, I did read until chapter 5 and you did have a very nice story. Personally I enjoy sci-fi stories and I must say, while your story is a crime story, the sci-fi part was really done nicely. The plot was interesting and I enjoyed the mystery and plot twists you had throughout. Action was also good.

I liked the world-building too, it's just those bracket parts that got to me. They honestly felt unnecessary and random. I feel you could have either added it later into your story or just removed them completely. I know you said that you would get detailed in world-building and that's fine, just be a little careful with the info-dumping - the brackets were giving me those vibes.

Another thing was grammar. It's generally pretty good, but I did catch some times when the grammar was a little weird. It happens to the best of us (even me sometimes) so just read over your chapters again.

Honestly this book is something I would read so congrats, you got yourself a new reader. I'd like to see how you continue in future.
 
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