Recent content by TheTrinary

  1. TheTrinary

    Free First Chapter Feedback (V2)

    RATING: Would not Keep Reading. SECTION 1 You have a lot of inconsequential sentences in the first half or just poorly thought out sentences. Especially as we get towards the the truck scene, it starts to feel overly repetitive and contradictory. I also think we need a lot more from this...
  2. TheTrinary

    Where is the weekend (;.;)

    Where is the weekend (;.;)
  3. TheTrinary

    Ah. I assumed it was discord related, like maybe a timeout after x amount of years or something.

    Ah. I assumed it was discord related, like maybe a timeout after x amount of years or something.
  4. TheTrinary

    Signature fixed. no idea what happened in the first place.

    Signature fixed. no idea what happened in the first place.
  5. TheTrinary

    Free First Chapter Feedback (V2)

    RATING: Would Keep Reading THE GOOD A lot of the writing was well done. I thought you did a good job of drawing your reader in once the chapter got going. And it's a weird sort of compliment to give around here, but I really like the way your formatted the chapter. Yeah the bold was cool, but...
  6. TheTrinary

    Thanks for letting me know. They weren't working for me, but I figured it was my ad blocker or...

    Thanks for letting me know. They weren't working for me, but I figured it was my ad blocker or something.
  7. TheTrinary

    Finally hung up my screen screen again only to take it down and throw it in the wash (I kicked a...

    Finally hung up my screen screen again only to take it down and throw it in the wash (I kicked a liter of choclate milk into it (accidently))
  8. TheTrinary

    Free First Chapter Feedback (V2)

    You can: 1) Try and edit like I outlined here. Look at every word, pick it up, examine it. Decide what you need. Decide what is there. 2) Find an author whose prose you like and copy it. No really. Trying to match a sentence they are writing requires a ton of thought. You're going to have to...
  9. TheTrinary

    Free First Chapter Feedback (V2)

    RATING: Would not Keep Reading. Honestly, it just comes down to the prose here. It's very wordy and constantly longer than it should be. Not line edits per se, but let's just look at the basic ideas the go into sentences. More of a deep dive. Cleo coughed up a mouthful of water as he woke...
  10. TheTrinary

    If you're going to critize someone's work with technical terms, get them right. A clause has a...

    If you're going to critize someone's work with technical terms, get them right. A clause has a noun and a verb. A phrase does not.
  11. TheTrinary

    "Alright, what kind of person is Joshua - a kid, an outlaw, a world traveling con-artist, a...

    "Alright, what kind of person is Joshua - a kid, an outlaw, a world traveling con-artist, a quasi-depressed teen, and a very considerate field hand who feels shame? All wrapped into one?" The answer angry man. Is Yes.
  12. TheTrinary

    Doing some review swaps off site and got feedback with someone very angry. Stupid angry. But I...

    Doing some review swaps off site and got feedback with someone very angry. Stupid angry. But I want him to write the back cover for me. Here is his description:
  13. TheTrinary

    Free First Chapter Feedback (V2)

    Rating: Would not Keep Reading You're extremely extremely wordy, even when conveying simple concepts, so I'm just going to do some line edits: Morning arrived with a quiet, hesitant grace, I'm going to call this purple. I'm not saying that the phrase won't ever work, but the follow up needs...
  14. TheTrinary

    @Generic.Archdemon It was the weakest of the four by far to the point where it started to feel...

    @Generic.Archdemon It was the weakest of the four by far to the point where it started to feel tired. There were entire chapters were I thought, "You sure you don't want to give that another pass?" It's more innventive though. For a series that exists by. . . borrowing others work. This one...
  15. TheTrinary

    (Read Harrow the 9th and Iron Gold)

    (Read Harrow the 9th and Iron Gold)
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