This paragraph feels weird

[Agentt]

So, I want to include this bit.
This bit doesn't contribute anything to the plot, it is completely useless, other than the fact that I want to include it.
It's not that it is going against the characters, nor I am disturbing the atmosphere, yet, it feels weird.

Spoiler

I lean backwards, arching my back. With each angle, it opens up blood vessels that were blocked for so long. Ah, it, it feels so good. Ah, just a bit more, more, I can feel it, it's coming, ahhhh. Ahh. Oh my, that was so good. Now time to lean forwards

 

[ElijahRyne]

You could try something akin to:

Spoiler: Edit of previous Spoiler

I lean backwards. With each angle, arching my back opens up blood vessels that were blocked. Blocked for so long… Ah, it, it feels so good! Just a bit more. Ah, I can feel it coming. Ahhh, ahh! … Oh my, that was so good. Now time to lean forwards!/SPOILER]

 

[SakeVision]

it does feel weird, very sexual, unless it was the point

 

[KoyukiMegumi]

A very sensual stretch that was~ Shujin-sama~

 

[Agentt]

it does feel weird, very sexual, unless it was the point

It was the point, yes, but it still just makes the room awkward more than have a comedic effect

 

[whitesculptor]

It was the point, yes, but it still just makes the room awkward more than have a comedic effect

For a comedic effect, I'd add some cracking noises.

 

[Agentt]

For a comedic effect, I'd add some cracking noises.

Hm? Like what? The only ones I know are the ones used for breaking the back

 

[TotallyHuman]

Hm? Like what? The only ones I know are the ones used for breaking the back

Ah, to be so healthy as not to have heard your back crack when you stretch...

 

[ElijahRyne]

Hm? Like what? The only ones I know are the ones used for breaking the back

Like ‘pop’ or ‘crackle’!

 

[Szaku]

id have changed the word "arching" to "stretching" and added a popping or cracking sound somewhere between the "ahhh"'s and the entire thing would've read fine, but looking at the comments, it seems it was intended to be overtly sensual? maybe the character could instead make some lustful moans to what appears to be a simple stretch. switch up the "ahhh"'s with "ooohh"'s and "mm"'s and make them aloud rather than internal

e.g.

Spoiler

I lean backwards, stretching my back. With every arch, it opens up blood vessels that have been blocked for so long. "Mmmmm". It, it feels so good. "Oooh, just a bit..". More, more, I can feel it.. it's coming *crrrack, SNAP* "Ahh! AHHHH!!"-- Oh, oh my... th-that was sooo good! I shiver in anticipation, as it's now time to lean forwards..

somethin like that. i think it's the exaggerations that sell the scene more than just a simple description of it. like you said its basically completely unnecessary as a moment but that's why more should be put into it lol. adds subtly to the comedic effect. a random awkward moment has so much life and vigor to it then passes like nothing happened, afterwards.

 

[Underload]

My back arches as something wells up inside me. I can feel my blood vessels humming as the pressure increases, rising, rising... something is coming, something magical, extraordinary, SPECTACULAR! My mind explodes. My soul bleeds into my hand. It's amazing! I can see the star. My mind blanks. The world loses color... and then a shot of red splashes my hand. I look down in dazed confusion.

It's blood.

Fuck!