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Basically pay attention to me but not how you pay attention to a idol. It's more of a pity me. The singer is aware of this. This is why she uses this exact words. It's not really that related to self hate but more of a feeling of "My environment sucks ass take me away but everyone else has same environment and they prosper i am lying about pity" You see photos of mother and father.

The first line is about despair of it getting worse. This is pretty general line in such type of lines. After all you won't be singing a song about despair if it was getting better right? It's about fantasy of being taken away from enviroment by someone heroic who would love you. Even if that is impossible. A feeling of " I have tried everything i could and i can't help myself why won't you come and help me"

It's about escapist fantasies which bleed into mundane reality. "I am good right?" this question is basically a double bind even if she manages to ask this one a loud.
"no" well that sucks.
"yes." well that's a lie everyone lives in same reality and prospers.

"it's not your fault" well everything is same for everyone else. Even if it isn't knowing it doesn't solve my problems.
It's not about a realistic love but a impossible idealestic love.
A believe love would solve all problems.
Well basically molded by. I can't solve all my problems. The environment won't solve itself. That only leaves other people.

Now due to mental abuse. The girl kinda hates other people . Well she thinks she does. Doesn't have to be true. It just has to look like it.
I think the guy did not even reject the girls confession but accepted and said things which were true but not suited to her fantasy.

So the fantasy being broken hurt even more than normal. Now it's not the actual feeling of community or friendship which calms her. That just reminds her of impossibility of her fantasy and that she lives in mundane reality. It's the fantasy of ideal love and oxytocin which calms her.
Now that's not to say ideal love is actually impossible

Ideal love is possible. The type where people will die for each other. It's the fact that in mundane reality such a thing is very rare or takes too much time. It's not that she can't find it but the fact is if she would need to confess to every single boy in her class. To find someone so innocent and naive.

Even if that happens it won't be enough. Cause well it won't be love. The girl also has to like the boy for it to ideal love. Also even if it is out of genuine concern if someone who looks kinda creepy tried to help her. She would assume ulterior motives. Even if she wouldn't. She won't risk it . Since it's reality

It's basically the fact that due to lack of real love and interaction she has grown to desire a "ideal love due to escapist fantasies". Now anything which is real and which may grow would just look too meh.
Normal jokes would fall on deaf ears because well her environment sucks.

Talking about problems won't help because it would just remind her how different it is from ideal and how unlikely it is that it would all be fixed.
Because you just can't love the mental illness out of someone instantly.

Of course she recognizes she is super high maintenance and so recognizes that ideal love is just a escapist fantasy. It's all very subtle.

Ok it's all not actually part of song but I don't have time to write a full on novel about the song so i am just basically writing a story outline.

It's a feedback loop. You are sad. You can't laugh at nice wholesome shit because your mind is preoccupied with a worry. So you talk to yourself for a long periods of times. You develop fantasies of everything getting instantly fixed with "ideal love". It doesn't get fixed.
Most major reason being . Get this.

"She is worried that talking once won't fix her problems. This worry causes her anxiety. This leads to despair which ironically makes her feel even worse." Now she acts fine anyway cause well having others stress would not help her and she thinks that talking doesn't really help.

Basically she thinks. It's not ideal love I can't really talk they would leave. "They would abandon me." This is of course actually true to a extent. most people are not saints and value self preservation and there own mental health.
"don't abandon me"

Oh i must also clarify one more thing. The song has her parents being splashed into drops of blood but i should clarify it's not always pressure by parents. People are forced to work hard for more practical reasons too. Maybe she would be married off quickly if she is poor or would get a 10 hour a day job.

Other people don't care about it. So even though she wants to be in the top she is still in the middle. Mental illness prevents her from working even though she spends hours it's not productive.