I think you missed an opportunity there by not using "don't glare at me like you wanna punch me in the face" for your punchline
That's a miss, huh. Well, this type of thing would just improve the more I try... As a final sidenote/try: In a room, who do you think is the most depressed? The clown.
Making jokes is easy. I prefer three ways. 1. Puns. 2. Irony. 3. Taking simple slogans to extreme reality