10 Chapters of a Sci-Fi Space adventure - the MC has meet an AI, but hasn't yet encountered aliens

[Menilik]

Hey team, if anyone on here likes sci-fi stories. I thought I'd share the story I've started releasing. It's a sci-fi space adventure involving mysteries, aliens, and explorers terraforming planets.


Here's the opening scene:

Trillion pointed at the holographic image in shock. A guy had appeared in the background of Peter's hologram holding a gun. Peter spun around with his hands up.

'How did he have a gun?' Trillion thought to herself. Guns weren’t allowed on Mars. “Peter, the gun isn’t real."

Hearing Trillion's words, Peter launched at the man. Closing the distance in seconds.

Bang.

The gun went off..[continue reading here].

A New Eden [Sci-fi, AI, Aliens, Space, Mystery, Thriller, Adventure]

A sci-fi space adventure involving mysteries, aliens, and explorers terraforming planets. Trillion wasn’t expecting to have her mind uploaded into a spaceship today. But it happened and now there’s no turning back for her and three others. The four of them now travel through space, looking for...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[trigger7ff6]

nice to see another author writing a character whose name is Just A Number :)

 

[Thekherham]

One of my pet peeves is an author writing '...thought to herself.' [or 'thought to himself.'] Unless telepathy is involved in this story, who else do you think to? The fact that you are thinking to yourself is obvious, so 'to herself' is rather redundant.

 

[Brandondee]

One of my pet peeves is an author writing '...thought to herself.' [or 'thought to himself.'] Unless telepathy is involved in this story, who else do you think to? The fact that you are thinking to yourself is obvious, so 'to herself' is rather redundant.

You can think out loud

 

[WinterTimeCrime]

One of my pet peeves is an author writing '...thought to herself.' [or 'thought to himself.'] Unless telepathy is involved in this story, who else do you think to? The fact that you are thinking to yourself is obvious, so 'to herself' is rather redundant.

Riight, that's called filtering, if I'm not mistaken. Things like 'She felt the sand,' or 'He looked at her' can really kill the mood and further the distance between reader and character. Replacing it, using the examples above, with things like 'The doughy sand fell between her fingers,' and 'His gaze was captivating, even more so inviting' really puts you in the here and now.