A new member needs feedback

Villam

New member
Joined
Sep 19, 2021
Messages
6
Points
1
Hi, everyone.
I'm a new member here and need feedback on my story.

The story title is Northmen Saga, and here's the little blurb:
"I can judge friend or foe. I know which one is a big wolf, which one is a small dog, and which one is a small dog who only pretends to be a big wolf. You, big wolf."
William, a young blacksmith, had promised his mother not to go to the Northern Land and find out about his father's killer. But when he killed several bandits by the river, he had no choice but to flee north and finally revealed the secrets of his parents and origins.

I plan to update every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
All critiques and suggestions are welcome.

Thank you and best regards.
Villam
 

Snusmumriken

Vagabond and traveller
Joined
May 22, 2021
Messages
449
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103
In my opinion, the biggest issue so far - is the lack of any plot direction even after 2 chapters. I had to read the second thinking you intentionally split 1st into two but by the pacing of the plot, it feels like it was split into three at least.

You have done well with early character introduction, it doesn't have a lot of heavy worldbuilding. The issue is that there is only half of the battle in 1st chapter and battle end + something deliberately obscure happening in 2nd. By the end of that 2nd chapter, I still have no idea (not even vague) what the book will be about.

In my opinion, you aren't aiming at light webnovel style, and the lack of clarity (I don't mean about the stone - I mean the character motivations at least for the imminent future) will hurt you in this case.
 

Villam

New member
Joined
Sep 19, 2021
Messages
6
Points
1
In my opinion, the biggest issue so far - is the lack of any plot direction even after 2 chapters. I had to read the second thinking you intentionally split 1st into two but by the pacing of the plot, it feels like it was split into three at least.

You have done well with early character introduction, it doesn't have a lot of heavy worldbuilding. The issue is that there is only half of the battle in 1st chapter and battle end + something deliberately obscure happening in 2nd. By the end of that 2nd chapter, I still have no idea (not even vague) what the book will be about.

In my opinion, you aren't aiming at light webnovel style, and the lack of clarity (I don't mean about the stone - I mean the character motivations at least for the imminent future) will hurt you in this case.
Hi, thank you very much for your feedback.
So what I want to do in this story is actually to provide a foreshadowing at the beginning of the story, an important event that will later happen in the middle of the story, then the story will rewind to a few months before when everything started. I hope that starting in Chapter 3, all the motivations of the characters will become clearer.
 

Snusmumriken

Vagabond and traveller
Joined
May 22, 2021
Messages
449
Points
103
Hi, thank you very much for your feedback.
So what I want to do in this story is actually to provide a foreshadowing at the beginning of the story, an important event that will later happen in the middle of the story, then the story will rewind to a few months before when everything started. I hope that starting in Chapter 3, all the motivations of the characters will become clearer.
What you want to do is to make readers curious/interested/looking for more. This isn't a book medium where a person has the entire story and might give it a few pages (and in many cases not - they will read the first page and make a decision then)

This is webnovel format - where it is unknown for how long you will be posting and how soon the next chapter will show up. Right now you are banking on people to exert enough effort into a still unknown story. And you aren't providing at least a modicum of return for their investment so far. You are building scenes without allowing their brains to go "Aha! I see a pattern\commonality\design among it all!"
 

Villam

New member
Joined
Sep 19, 2021
Messages
6
Points
1
What you want to do is to make readers curious/interested/looking for more. This isn't a book medium where a person has the entire story and might give it a few pages (and in many cases not - they will read the first page and make a decision then)

This is webnovel format - where it is unknown for how long you will be posting and how soon the next chapter will show up. Right now you are banking on people to exert enough effort into a still unknown story. And you aren't providing at least a modicum of return for their investment so far. You are building scenes without allowing their brains to go "Aha! I see a pattern\commonality\design among it all!"
But I have explained in the description on the front page that I will update every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
But, yes, I understand what you mean. This will be a consideration for me in the future. Thank you.
 

KiraMinoru

Untitled Generic Member
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Jun 22, 2020
Messages
473
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133
But I have explained in the description on the front page that I will update every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
But, yes, I understand what you mean. This will be a consideration for me in the future. Thank you.
Promises mean nothing to writer’s block. Writer’s block knows not of feelings.

Words speak volumes. If you’ve written a large backlog, that’s the only promise that means shit.
 

Villam

New member
Joined
Sep 19, 2021
Messages
6
Points
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Promises mean nothing to writer’s block. Writer’s block knows not of feelings.

Words speak volumes. If you’ve written a large backlog, that’s the only promise that means shit.
I agree with you about that. :D
 

Snusmumriken

Vagabond and traveller
Joined
May 22, 2021
Messages
449
Points
103
But I have explained in the description on the front page that I will update every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
But, yes, I understand what you mean. This will be a consideration for me in the future. Thank you.
Thing is - you aren't the only one, who writes that in the description. Readers don't know you. they have no idea how dedicated you will be. Plenty of authors on this site good and bad. And readers are picky - they can always go and find something else to read.
this is why many start with posting 3-5 chapters straight from the start and then go for a schedule. This allows them to bank on the readers who are willing to read a few more chapters before they make a decision.
The next jump in reader confidence is around 50k words I would say. Then you will start getting readers who are willing to give you extra slack even if they didn't before exactly because you already showed some dedication to this story.
After that. the only thing that could help is nice big numbers of readers\pageviews\favourites, barring that - good reviews that tell new readers to bear with first chapters (that is what happened to me btw so i talk from experience)
 

Villam

New member
Joined
Sep 19, 2021
Messages
6
Points
1
Thing is - you aren't the only one, who writes that in the description. Readers don't know you. they have no idea how dedicated you will be. Plenty of authors on this site good and bad. And readers are picky - they can always go and find something else to read.
this is why many start with posting 3-5 chapters straight from the start and then go for a schedule. This allows them to bank on the readers who are willing to read a few more chapters before they make a decision.
The next jump in reader confidence is around 50k words I would say. Then you will start getting readers who are willing to give you extra slack even if they didn't before exactly because you already showed some dedication to this story.
After that. the only thing that could help is nice big numbers of readers\pageviews\favourites, barring that - good reviews that tell new readers to bear with first chapters (that is what happened to me btw so i talk from experience)
Very good advice! Thank you, sir. I will post more chapters from the start.

Edit:
I have posted Chapters 3 and 4. :s_smile:
 
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