A Story Obstacle Overcome

[Dhael_Ligerkeys]

In your story, what's something you're particularly proud of?

Maybe it was an epiphany that made a set of rules or a power work. Maybe a particular good bit of writing. Maybe it's making a cliché great again. Or maybe it's addressing an elephant in the room that most would just ignore and hope the reader will just play along.

Please post the example in question so we can all plagia**cough*cough** I mean learn and marvel at it.

Mine was giving a reason for my MC to quickly learn the language of the new world he arrived in.

Spoiler

The moment Peter’s hand touched the amulet, a tremor coursed through his body and his mind’s eye conjured the image of ancient blind-looking eyes snapping open.

He tried to let go of the amulet, but found he couldn’t control his hand anymore.

~Maarti ka ishtt!~ He heard the voice, but there was no sound. And as it spoke, Peter left a light stabbing pain going through his head.

~Maarti ka ishtt!~ “Argh!” The pain came again, stronger this time. He had no clue what it meant, but felt like he should.

~Maarti ka ishtt! ZERAKK!!!~ This time his mind went bright white and he screamed.

When he finally came to, Peter was standing in front of the Mural, the hand holding the amulet moving towards a slot at the center of it. Luckily he broke out of it and managed to stop himself in time.

He felt something… connect to him? His mind? It was hungry. And the lowly beast that awoke it was fighting it instead of offering itself.

Then he registered the sound coming from behind him.

Kkeeeeeee!

Cre-e-ak! Cre-e-ak! Cre-e-ak!

Kkeeeeeee!

He turned around and there they were. Two apparitions and three skeletons. But before he could even come up with a plan, he felt the entity in his mind change its focus. A moment later, the skeletons crumbled to the ground and the apparitions dissipated.

A cold shiver ran down his spine. [I’m dead!] was the only thought he could form. There was no getting out of this.

~Come to meeeee!~ The pain came again, and with it came something else. He saw himself standing in a dark room staring at a huge door. He could open it, but he felt too weak. [How long have I slept?] He had to support himself against his sarcophagus. Why wasn’t that beast coming to him? It understood him now, and it was not possible for a feeble creature to resist his compulsion.

~COME TO ME, NOW!~

 

[Rokuro-Sama]

In your story, what's something you're particularly proud of?

Maybe it was an epiphany that made a set of rules or a power work. Maybe a particular good bit of writing. Maybe it's making a cliché great again. Or maybe it's addressing an elephant in the room that most would just ignore and hope the reader will just play along.

Please post the example in question so we can all plagia**cough*cough** I mean learn and marvel at it

For me, I'll say the first big fight of my story, where my 3 MCs take down their first powerful enemy.

Spoiler: Spoiler

"Eternal Void"


Vasati's Dark Magic filled the room with nothing, but darkness. If I was unable to smell blood I wouldn't have been able to find the Knight in the darkness. This was something Vasati and I had been practicing since Warminster. Following up on each other's attacks. Fighting in unison left opponents with no chance to counterattack.


"Ice Vortex Slash"


In the Dark, humans can only see so much. Unlike us Inhumans who have special abilities to take advantage of the dark.


My blade slash was not able to hit the knight, but the shockwave left behind grazed his cheek. While fighting in the real world I would have to worry about my surroundings, but in Vasati's Void, we have the endless space of Vasati's magic power for me to go all out.


"Dream Magic: Nightmares of the Undead"


Suddenly I felt the presence of Rina's Mana, but it had a target for once.


"Curses like that do not affect me." I heard the knight sneer as he released another wave of sword slashes at me.


I was able to continue to block them over and over again, but the more times my sword collided with his I started to gain an understanding of the pattern of his attacks.


There was a very specific rhythm to it. While I couldn't figure it out at first after about 10 seconds I understood. Pivoting my foot I channeled an extraordinary amount of Mana into my Blade bringing it back to its Plasma state again.


It looked like the Knight noticed this and tried to counter-attack, but I was faster. With one upward slash, I knocked his sword out of his hands.


"Vasati, Now!" The moment I called her name she was there and delivered the final blow.


"Vanish Point"


"No matter what you try you cannot beat me!" The knight once again began to channel his magic power to release what looked like another Barrier.


"Dream Magic: Dream Reaver"


Rina had appeared out of what looked like nowhere and channeled her spell to counter-attack the Barrier.


Vasati's spell cracked the forming Barrier, but it wasn't gonna be enough. Rina's spell also cracked the Barrier, but it still wasn't enough to destroy it.


Flashbacks of what happened to Haruka started to flash before my eyes, but I refused to lose any of the ones dear to me in this life.


"Blood Blade Magic: One Million Cuts"


Biting my tongue I cut it open and used the blood to create a sword. This was a last resort technique I truly did not want to rely on, but I was left with no choice.


"I don't care who you are! I'm going to kill you!" My snarl caught the attention of Vasati and Rina who were already pressing their hardest against the Barrier.


Every single sword slash I released was coated with Plasma Mana. Completely draining myself of any leftover magic power was not the greatest idea, but at this moment I had no choice.


"Die!" My final slash collided right in the middle of the shell that Knight had created.


Finally, It had been broken, and my final slash cut him right down the middle of his body.

Ice-Cold Vampire Princess

 

[ManwX]

For me the scene I wrote of the Anguish one might feel... The guy that was weak that gritted his teeth to survive another day every day. Imagine becoming one of the few who survived to see the world in Choas out of luck. A point of no return. Imagine you are not gifted. You never were talented yet somehow someway you managed to make it.work.. yet at the end did it matter? The heroes lost the world to Choas and you lived to see that day. Powerless with nothing but death awaiting to swallow you whole...

Spoiler

"But as he emerged on the other side, he found himself rooted to the spot, his eyes wide in disbelief. His heart beat skipped a beast as he saw what unfoldedm It was as if he had stepped into a world on fire. The air was thick with scorching heat, reminiscent of a raging inferno. Draconite monsters soared above, spewing flames that painted the sky with streaks of orange and red. The heavy, foul stench of death hung in the air, a grim display of the countless corpses littered the ground, their entrails spilled in a grotesque display of the relentless plague that had swept through. The battle against the monsters from other dwellers raged on, leaving behind a grim trail of their lifeless bodies and rivers of crimson blood. It did not matter. Those who stood their ground faced a merciless demise, their remains becoming a macabre feast for the monstrous creatures that scavenged like vultures around the city. Every monster was an S-class threat. The streets were reduced to rubble, with buildings shattered and nothing spared in their path as they wrecked havoc. The Abyss Dawner, an SSS-class dungeon situated in Red City on the continent, had reached its breaking point and overloaded huh! hash wondered if that was the case but the city was overrun and that could be only possible if every single dungeon in the city got overrun.... Everyone was fleeing for their lives through the streets of the abyss city in a futile attempt to save themselves. However, hash seemed unfazed, looking up at the sky after seeing what was happening around him without a worry in the world, even as he was bumped by the fleeing masses. The entire world was warping with chaos itself, and the once blue skies now turned thick red within a few hours of the dungeon break. It was as if the world welcomed the reign of something else. Blood seeped from his wounds, staining the concrete floor beneath him. His vision blurred as blood from a gash on his forehead trickled into his eyes. He reached up, his hand coming away slick with his own life essence. Yet, amidst the horror, a single thought echoed in his mind as he clenched his blood-soaked hand. "I was right, and they called me mad!" A laugh, raw and unhinged, tore from his throat, a lone voice amidst the symphony of screams as monsters tore through the crowd. His obsidian-black hair was now a gruesome shade of red, slick with blood. His eyes, swollen and bloodshot, mirrored the carnage around him. He was losing blood fast, death was imminent, whether he fought back or not. His fate was sealed. Yet, he couldn't stop laughing. The absurdity of the situation had gripped him, making him find humor in the face of death. Stripped of power, devoid of any system's aid, he stood amidst the chaos. "Where are you guys?" he shouted outloud. "The ones who boasted about their achievements! The ones who were gifted! Look at me, I'm still standing!" Hash's thoughts were a whirlwind of self-deprecation and mockery. He was weak, so weak that he could barely keep up even with the best gear one could have had and would have died on the first floor of any dungeon. He laughed at himself and the others. "How ironic," he muttered, "the weakest one survives while the strong perish." A laugh escaped his lips, but it was a hollow sound. Tears welled up in his eyes, blurring his vision. He was overwhelmed by a mix of emotions, and he no longer knew whether it was joy or pain he was experiencing. All he wanted now was to lash out at the absurdity of his situation. He didn’t care anymore."

 

[Dieter]

a very heart-wrenching scene that brings the protag and main heroine (yandere) closer (not love yet, but makes them dependent upon each other for emotional support but also survival). can't say cus spoilers.

 

[Rhaps]

My story is one of Duality and Contradiction. What I am very proud of is the final confrontation between my MC and her enemy.

Two people wanting to reach the same goal, but their ideals are fundamentally different. They reject each other but came to respect one another.

 

[Dhael_Ligerkeys]

For me, I'll say the first big fight of my story, where my 3 MCs take down their first powerful enemy.

Spoiler: Spoiler

"Eternal Void"


Vasati's Dark Magic filled the room with nothing, but darkness. If I was unable to smell blood I wouldn't have been able to find the Knight in the darkness. This was something Vasati and I had been practicing since Warminster. Following up on each other's attacks. Fighting in unison left opponents with no chance to counterattack.


"Ice Vortex Slash"


In the Dark, humans can only see so much. Unlike us Inhumans who have special abilities to take advantage of the dark.


My blade slash was not able to hit the knight, but the shockwave left behind grazed his cheek. While fighting in the real world I would have to worry about my surroundings, but in Vasati's Void, we have the endless space of Vasati's magic power for me to go all out.


"Dream Magic: Nightmares of the Undead"


Suddenly I felt the presence of Rina's Mana, but it had a target for once.


"Curses like that do not affect me." I heard the knight sneer as he released another wave of sword slashes at me.


I was able to continue to block them over and over again, but the more times my sword collided with his I started to gain an understanding of the pattern of his attacks.


There was a very specific rhythm to it. While I couldn't figure it out at first after about 10 seconds I understood. Pivoting my foot I channeled an extraordinary amount of Mana into my Blade bringing it back to its Plasma state again.


It looked like the Knight noticed this and tried to counter-attack, but I was faster. With one upward slash, I knocked his sword out of his hands.


"Vasati, Now!" The moment I called her name she was there and delivered the final blow.


"Vanish Point"


"No matter what you try you cannot beat me!" The knight once again began to channel his magic power to release what looked like another Barrier.


"Dream Magic: Dream Reaver"


Rina had appeared out of what looked like nowhere and channeled her spell to counter-attack the Barrier.


Vasati's spell cracked the forming Barrier, but it wasn't gonna be enough. Rina's spell also cracked the Barrier, but it still wasn't enough to destroy it.


Flashbacks of what happened to Haruka started to flash before my eyes, but I refused to lose any of the ones dear to me in this life.


"Blood Blade Magic: One Million Cuts"


Biting my tongue I cut it open and used the blood to create a sword. This was a last resort technique I truly did not want to rely on, but I was left with no choice.


"I don't care who you are! I'm going to kill you!" My snarl caught the attention of Vasati and Rina who were already pressing their hardest against the Barrier.


Every single sword slash I released was coated with Plasma Mana. Completely draining myself of any leftover magic power was not the greatest idea, but at this moment I had no choice.


"Die!" My final slash collided right in the middle of the shell that Knight had created.


Finally, It had been broken, and my final slash cut him right down the middle of his body.

Ice-Cold Vampire Princess

Fight scenes can be hard for some. Each of us seem to be better portraying one specific element of story telling and struggling with others. You did fine work there, well done.

For me the scene I wrote of the Anguish one might feel... The guy that was weak that gritted his teeth to survive another day every day. Imagine becoming one of the few who survived to see the world in Choas out of luck. A point of no return. Imagine you are not gifted. You never were talented yet somehow someway you managed to make it.work.. yet at the end did it matter? The heroes lost the world to Choas and you lived to see that day. Powerless with nothing but death awaiting to swallow you whole...

Spoiler

"But as he emerged on the other side, he found himself rooted to the spot, his eyes wide in disbelief. His heart beat skipped a beast as he saw what unfoldedm It was as if he had stepped into a world on fire. The air was thick with scorching heat, reminiscent of a raging inferno. Draconite monsters soared above, spewing flames that painted the sky with streaks of orange and red. The heavy, foul stench of death hung in the air, a grim display of the countless corpses littered the ground, their entrails spilled in a grotesque display of the relentless plague that had swept through. The battle against the monsters from other dwellers raged on, leaving behind a grim trail of their lifeless bodies and rivers of crimson blood. It did not matter. Those who stood their ground faced a merciless demise, their remains becoming a macabre feast for the monstrous creatures that scavenged like vultures around the city. Every monster was an S-class threat. The streets were reduced to rubble, with buildings shattered and nothing spared in their path as they wrecked havoc. The Abyss Dawner, an SSS-class dungeon situated in Red City on the continent, had reached its breaking point and overloaded huh! hash wondered if that was the case but the city was overrun and that could be only possible if every single dungeon in the city got overrun.... Everyone was fleeing for their lives through the streets of the abyss city in a futile attempt to save themselves. However, hash seemed unfazed, looking up at the sky after seeing what was happening around him without a worry in the world, even as he was bumped by the fleeing masses. The entire world was warping with chaos itself, and the once blue skies now turned thick red within a few hours of the dungeon break. It was as if the world welcomed the reign of something else. Blood seeped from his wounds, staining the concrete floor beneath him. His vision blurred as blood from a gash on his forehead trickled into his eyes. He reached up, his hand coming away slick with his own life essence. Yet, amidst the horror, a single thought echoed in his mind as he clenched his blood-soaked hand. "I was right, and they called me mad!" A laugh, raw and unhinged, tore from his throat, a lone voice amidst the symphony of screams as monsters tore through the crowd. His obsidian-black hair was now a gruesome shade of red, slick with blood. His eyes, swollen and bloodshot, mirrored the carnage around him. He was losing blood fast, death was imminent, whether he fought back or not. His fate was sealed. Yet, he couldn't stop laughing. The absurdity of the situation had gripped him, making him find humor in the face of death. Stripped of power, devoid of any system's aid, he stood amidst the chaos. "Where are you guys?" he shouted outloud. "The ones who boasted about their achievements! The ones who were gifted! Look at me, I'm still standing!" Hash's thoughts were a whirlwind of self-deprecation and mockery. He was weak, so weak that he could barely keep up even with the best gear one could have had and would have died on the first floor of any dungeon. He laughed at himself and the others. "How ironic," he muttered, "the weakest one survives while the strong perish." A laugh escaped his lips, but it was a hollow sound. Tears welled up in his eyes, blurring his vision. He was overwhelmed by a mix of emotions, and he no longer knew whether it was joy or pain he was experiencing. All he wanted now was to lash out at the absurdity of his situation. He didn’t care anymore."

You're very good at describing the scenes and portraying the despair. Well done.
Now, I don't know if putting it here changed its presentation, if not, it might be worth a proofread. There's some punctuation missing and it could do with being broken down into paragraphs.
Other than that, really good work!

a very heart-wrenching scene that brings the protag and main heroine (yandere) closer (not love yet, but makes them dependent upon each other for emotional support but also survival). can't say cus spoilers.

Anything that brings a guy (or girl) closer to a yandere must be challenging to portray.

My story is one of Duality and Contradiction. What I am very proud of is the final confrontation between my MC and her enemy.

Two people wanting to reach the same goal, but their ideals are fundamentally different. They reject each other but came to respect one another.

Wanting the same end, but disagreeing on the means to get there is a tale as old as time. It requires a great mind to hold opposing view, let alone successfully pulling off portraying them. Well done!

 

[TaciturnHuman]

The first story I published online. It's incomplete, it's execution is complete garbage, I got into a corner with writing and went without direction, but back then I had spent some two to three month daydreaming parts of this story and settings and even got into antique philosophy and modern esoteric knowledge like witchcraft to make it work...
The best part about it is the general story philosophy based on platonic idealism and a take on determinism, the general structure of cosmic lore, how souls work, and logical consequences of it that sound very interesting.
I so want to remake it, but the fundamental plank is too high, so if I do, it will probably be way, way later.

 

[Dhael_Ligerkeys]

The first story I published online. It's incomplete, it's execution is complete garbage, I got into a corner with writing and went without direction, but back then I had spent some two to three month daydreaming parts of this story and settings and even got into antique philosophy and modern esoteric knowledge like witchcraft to make it work...
I so want to remake it, but the fundamental plank is too high, so if I do, it will probably be way, way later.

Failing isn't a the worst thing you can do. Not trying is. Failing is just a stepping stone. Like the wise Thomas Wayne once said, "Why do we fall? So we can get back up again.”
You had the courage to write it and, better yet, submit it to peer review. Kudos to you. Now, get back on the horse and fix it!

 

[TheEldritchGod]

Mine was giving a reason for my MC to quickly learn the language of the new world he arrived in.

A chld was put in the impossible position where he had to make an impossible choice and kill his mother to end her sufferinng. The MC helped that child come to terms with the horror of it all and move on.

But, you know, learning how to ask where the bathroom is? That's cool as well.
Good job, my dude.

 

[Dhael_Ligerkeys]

A chld was put in the impossible position where he had to make an impossible choice and kill his mother to end her sufferinng. The MC helped that child come to terms with the horror of it all and move on.

But, you know, learning how to ask where the bathroom is? That's cool as well.
Good job, my dude.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

I'm so sorry my MC is so under-accomplished. Please forgive me.

But wow! I don't really have words.

 

[Terrate]

I guess mine is finally finishing my first arc with the MC and their mother fixing the misunderstanding. Now time for the meat.

 

[Dhael_Ligerkeys]

I guess mine is finally finishing my first arc with the MC and their mother fixing the misunderstanding. Now time for the meat.

Misunderstandings between family are rough. Having the courage to address them, especially when one is meant to have authority over you? Not many relationships survive that. How did you manage to show that resolve?

 

[Terrate]

Misunderstandings between family are rough. Having the courage to address them, especially when one is meant to have authority over you? Not many relationships survive that. How did you manage to show that resolve?

Well... my work has a heavy lean on comedy, so it was resolved by forward actions more than words. As to whether I wrote it well... I don't know., I think I did well, but I don't get any comments as to whether my readers think it was good enough. I did get a single thumbs up emote though, but I think it's for the entirety of the chapter and not for that one specific part, so I got that going for me.

 

[Dhael_Ligerkeys]

Well... my work has a heavy lean on comedy, so it was resolved by forward actions more than words. As to whether I wrote it well... I don't know., I think I did well, but I don't get any comments as to whether my readers think it was good enough. I did get a single thumbs up emote though, but I think it's for the entirety of the chapter and not for that one specific part, so I got that going for me.

Well, I don't know long you've working at it, but the consensus is, if about 5% of views make a comment that's already very high. Just keep writing. You'll get there eventually.

 

[J_Chemist]

There's been a few hurdles in my story that I've had to deal with mainly because of the hard decisions I've needed to make. When you're working with a massive scale story, the little things can have massive effects down the line and there have been several instances where I've needed to take a pause to evaluate the story. I'm very proud of myself thus far and it's mainly the decisions I've made to sort of set up that future. Here's a few:

1. Do I kill Chul? Deciding to kill off what would have been the biggest secondary support character to my MC was a massive decision that took a lot of thought but was a lasting decision that's effected it ever since.
   
   
2. Do I injure my MC in any of these Maedra battles? Much like with Mushoku Tensei when Rudeus lost his hand, I had to struggle with potentially lopping off a limb from my MC in his fights during the entire first book. Deciding not to has forced me to be creative with my fight scenes and has forced me to put my MC through a harsh training cycle where he's almost constantly losing/getting his ass beat but never quite on the cusp of failing entirely because of his rigorous practice outside of combat.
   
   
3. Deciding to kill off secondary characters, much like when I off'd Chul. Deciding to make every character in my book tangible and on the chopping block made it significantly easier to make the hard decisions. Ever since, my book has a 80%+ death rate. It's not entirely good in a way because there's no longevity to those character relationships across multiple books, but it weighs a lot heavier on the MC and there's more tension when shit gets real. Because then all of those characters you get acquainted with now have their survivability in question. Good because I don't need to hesitate if it means progressing. Bad because Readers may not get as attached because their favorite characters might get offed in 5-10 chapters.
   
   
4. The climax of my first book. The numerous small decisions here to kill certain characters and drive the story down a hole into the burning hellscape it ended up becoming was incredible. It left such a lasting effect on the story, on my MC, and provided my Readers with a full understanding that I will slaughter everyone and everything. It also allowed me to establish the rule that my MC will face ultimate failure in the story. He can do everything right, struggle and grow, but the world around him will not wait for him.
   
   
5. In the second book, I've begun establishing more long term relationships and these little hurdles have given me plenty of setup for later on. How I've handled them are perfectly inline with what I want, have been well received by the Readerbase, and I think I've done a good job writing them. Even though I'm absolute dogshit with character development, I think.

 

[TheEldritchGod]

Im glad to see you get my humor.

However, all jokes aside...

It is a real problem in writing that thinking that big stakes mean more. I had an arc where the group struggled to buy a magic sack of holding. Not unlimited space, just a magic bag that held about 80 times Normal.

It was EPIC.

To go shopping.

It is dependent in the situation. The stakes. Same group fought tooth and nail to get recognized as an adventuring team. Just noticed.

It was a big imotional deal because fir the team, how low down they were, how far they had to climb. The halfling who was a boatright, the asthmatic half orc barbarian who wanted to be a monk. The Elven wizard who was supposed to be a druid but wanted to blow shit up, and the drow priestess who followed a good goddess and wanted to reform her mom, the priestess of Lloth.

Honestly, they accomplished very small things, but for them, it was huge.

That's my point. Learning how to speak a new language CAN be as important as dealing with horrific childhood trauma.

It's all about how you spin it.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

I'm so sorry my MC is so under-accomplished. Please forgive me.

But wow! I don't really have words.

Mav

 

[2wordsperminute]

It is a real problem in writing that thinking that big stakes mean more.

I have a friend that I can't recommend anything to him to read because he doesn't get this. I propose that this mindset be called the dragon ball effect.

 

[3kockeleda]

I will not lie, my favorite thing of the story is the epigraph, I stared at it for ten minutes and couldn't believe how well it introduced the story!

…the truth is never just black and white; it’s illuminated in neon.

 

[Bobple]

Honestly just starting my second arc. It was really the "I can do this moment" for me. Even if the first chunk of my story had multiple issues due to my inexperience, being able to start the second arc, going straight into character turmoil, and try and improve the issues I was having (Mostly grammar). It felt good.

 

[Pixytokisaki14]

It was second half of my "breech and clear" arc. The railgun using an old Winchester Model 1873 really made my imagination gears run. And of course the crafting chapters where i do tons of research just to write a chapter about crafting firearms and cartridges, along with the tools and equipment needed for them

I'm not obsessed!! You are!!!