Badly need someone to review my work

rujuu_

New member
Joined
May 17, 2022
Messages
2
Points
1
Hey guys, I just started writing and I need someone to constructively criticize or at least check out my work.
Title: What is the World Anyways?
Genre: Supernatural

Synopsis:
Josh Morden, 18, is a freshman in college. He's struggling with the "new normal" leading him to have a cure path to self-destruction. One day, a blinding light suddenly summoned a beautiful fairy that destroyed his understanding of the world.

Link: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/494706/what-is-the-world-anyways/
 

Snusmumriken

Vagabond and traveller
Joined
May 22, 2021
Messages
449
Points
103
You need a hook. You introduced the characters, but there is nothing for the reader to expect. they dont know how and why the demon girl will help him (or if the MC is even planning on getting help at all) This begins as SoL but usually, such a slow pace SoL can work mostly in a setting of discovery (ex Isekai) where the expanding knowledge of the setting can be enough to hook readers.

Atm, you are targetting a very niche audience. If that is who you writing for you should expand your synopsis (and tags) to be more precise to what they are about to expect in 1st chapter at least.
 
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