Can anyone give me some feedback for my story?

[BlackFrost]

The King Of Kings

There are many worlds in the universe, but each world can have a maximum of only seven kings. Above them, there are seven kings who rule the universe, and the one who stands above them will hold the title of king of kings. My name is Ethan Sentia and I...

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My story is called the king of kings.

 

[heheawecomemana]

Hey! Not sure if I am qualified enough to give feedback haha but the story name was interesting...so decided to give it a go...!
I think one of the main issue you have is the spacing? First prologue...there was no space at all which made reading hard, while chapter 1&2 spacing was awkward, which really cut the flow of the story.

Another issue I personally think was...the prologue? Could be more impactful, like by describing what he feels before his death more in depth? While I was rather confused about the 2nd way to become king? Maybe it's just my bad understanding though lol xP... And Idk personally for me...describing how the main character looks like helps me visualize stuff...so I do recommend you to talk about how the MC looks like to help imagine scenarios?

I feel like your story has potential for sure, especially talking about such a debatable topic! Reminds me of some mangas I read xD and those are usually good :) Keep up the good work!

 

[BlackFrost]

Oh ok. I just remembered when you mentioned it that I never really described how my main character looks like.

And about the spacing, i'm not really sure how it got that way, when I was writing the prologue, it didn't leave any space when I pressed enter only once, but from chapter 1 it leaves space when pressing enter onlyonce. I need to go and adjust the spacing.

About the second way to become a king, basically a king can use his/her power beyond his/her maximum limit to manifest a sword called the sword of damocles.

Using the sword of damocles will give the king an insane amount of power, but since they exceeded the limit, the king's power will leave them and find someone it deems worthy.

I mentioned in the prologue that the 1st method is the only guarantee to become a king yourself, but the second method is random, no one knows who the next king will be.

It may look like the king's power is sentient, but i'll get to that in the later chapters.

I hope that clears it up. Thanks for the feedback. If you find the story interesting, i hope that you will read it and give me feedback for the upcoming chapters that i release, though you don't have to if you don't want to, it's just a suggestion. Thanks again.

 

[heheawecomemana]

No problem! :)
That's rather odd...for me when I write...I just write on word and then copy and paste it to here, if it helps.
Ah I see now, yeah adding this explanation into the story would help clarify things I believe.
Yeah, I'll continue reading it once you update xD, I do want to see how he will become King of kings!

 

[BlackFrost]

I did write in word at first, but then I accidentally deleted what I wrote when I was trying to delete something else. But yeah, writing in word and copy paste would be better. I should probably start doing that.