Um hello again I need your help (Again) I need your opinion on which of these two is much better to read.
2nd Chapter:
I've been following this little girl since this morning, but we haven't yet arrived at the house she mentioned. I'm walking directly beside her, and she started talking while I was thinking about what to do.
I was relieved to see you after we were sold as slaves. When we were sold, I feared we'd never see each other again. For some reason, the sight on her face while we talked about it stung my chest.
Even thinking about what was about to happen to me in that environment terrified me. I could only keep going because you were there by my side, brother. '
What am I supposed to do? Is it appropriate for me to respond? Argh.
"What's the matter, brother?"
"N-No, I don't have an issue; don't worry, "
"All right, Brother. If you say so, "
What kind of response was that? She told me everything, and I responded in the most awkward way I could think of! At the time, I was considering suicide when a strong wind blew in my face. I noticed a large field of flowers in front of me. The setting reminded me of the Garden of Eden, which I had read about in a book, and there was a simple-looking hut in the center.
"We've arrived, brother,"
"So this is the location she's referring to,"
“Brother, did you just say something?
“Nothing, it's just that my wound hurts. I believe we should go now so that we can use the first aid kit,"
"All right, let's go,"
Suddenly, the hut's door opened, and a man dressed in black emerged. I couldn't see his face, but the two heads in that person's hand drew my attention. I was enraged when I saw those pairs of heads. I was only able to gather myself when I noticed the little girl about to sprint towards the person in black.
"FATHER!, MOTHER!"
I grabbed the little girl and dragged her to a nearby tree. I'm not sure why, but every fiber of my being screamed to flee when I saw that person. That can only mean one thing: this individual is dangerous.
OR this one
Chapter 2:
I have been following this little girl since this morning, but we still haven't arrived at the house she was talking about. I'm currently walking right beside her, and she suddenly started talking while I was contemplating what to do.
"I was glad to see you again after we were sold as slaves. I thought we would never see each other again when we were sold." The look on her face while discussing it hurt my chest for some reason.
"Even just thinking about what was about to happen to me in that place frightened me. I was only able to keep going because you were by my side, brother."
what should I do? Should I reply or not? Ugh.
"Is something wrong, brother?"
"N-No, I don’t have a problem. Don’t worry, "
"Okay, Brother." If you say so, "
Shoot, what kind of reply was that? She told me all those embarrassing stories, and then I replied in the most awkward way possible! At the same time, I was thinking I should just die when a strong wind hit my face. When I looked in front of me, I saw a large field of flowers. The place looked like the garden of Eden that I once read about in a book, and in the center, a simple-looking hut can be seen.
"We’re finally home, brother,"
"So this is the place she is talking about,"
"Did you just say something, brother?
"Nothing, it’s just my wound is hurting. I think we should already enter so we can apply the first aid kit, "
"All right, let's go,"
Suddenly, the door of the hut opened, and a person dressed in black emerged. I could not see his face at all, but what caught my attention were the two heads in that person’s hand. When I looked at those pairs of heads, I felt furious. I was only able to pull myself together when I saw the little girl was about to sprint towards the person in black.
"MOTHER!, FATHER!"
I quickly grabbed the little girl and pulled her to the nearby tree. I don’t know why, but when I saw that person, every fiber of my body was screaming to run away. That only means one thing: this person is dangerous.
Sorry again with these and thank you if you could also give me some tips that's all.
they are both still some of my drafts so I am getting as much I can get in this forum.
2nd Chapter:
I've been following this little girl since this morning, but we haven't yet arrived at the house she mentioned. I'm walking directly beside her, and she started talking while I was thinking about what to do.
I was relieved to see you after we were sold as slaves. When we were sold, I feared we'd never see each other again. For some reason, the sight on her face while we talked about it stung my chest.
Even thinking about what was about to happen to me in that environment terrified me. I could only keep going because you were there by my side, brother. '
What am I supposed to do? Is it appropriate for me to respond? Argh.
"What's the matter, brother?"
"N-No, I don't have an issue; don't worry, "
"All right, Brother. If you say so, "
What kind of response was that? She told me everything, and I responded in the most awkward way I could think of! At the time, I was considering suicide when a strong wind blew in my face. I noticed a large field of flowers in front of me. The setting reminded me of the Garden of Eden, which I had read about in a book, and there was a simple-looking hut in the center.
"We've arrived, brother,"
"So this is the location she's referring to,"
“Brother, did you just say something?
“Nothing, it's just that my wound hurts. I believe we should go now so that we can use the first aid kit,"
"All right, let's go,"
Suddenly, the hut's door opened, and a man dressed in black emerged. I couldn't see his face, but the two heads in that person's hand drew my attention. I was enraged when I saw those pairs of heads. I was only able to gather myself when I noticed the little girl about to sprint towards the person in black.
"FATHER!, MOTHER!"
I grabbed the little girl and dragged her to a nearby tree. I'm not sure why, but every fiber of my being screamed to flee when I saw that person. That can only mean one thing: this individual is dangerous.
OR this one
Chapter 2:
I have been following this little girl since this morning, but we still haven't arrived at the house she was talking about. I'm currently walking right beside her, and she suddenly started talking while I was contemplating what to do.
"I was glad to see you again after we were sold as slaves. I thought we would never see each other again when we were sold." The look on her face while discussing it hurt my chest for some reason.
"Even just thinking about what was about to happen to me in that place frightened me. I was only able to keep going because you were by my side, brother."
what should I do? Should I reply or not? Ugh.
"Is something wrong, brother?"
"N-No, I don’t have a problem. Don’t worry, "
"Okay, Brother." If you say so, "
Shoot, what kind of reply was that? She told me all those embarrassing stories, and then I replied in the most awkward way possible! At the same time, I was thinking I should just die when a strong wind hit my face. When I looked in front of me, I saw a large field of flowers. The place looked like the garden of Eden that I once read about in a book, and in the center, a simple-looking hut can be seen.
"We’re finally home, brother,"
"So this is the place she is talking about,"
"Did you just say something, brother?
"Nothing, it’s just my wound is hurting. I think we should already enter so we can apply the first aid kit, "
"All right, let's go,"
Suddenly, the door of the hut opened, and a person dressed in black emerged. I could not see his face at all, but what caught my attention were the two heads in that person’s hand. When I looked at those pairs of heads, I felt furious. I was only able to pull myself together when I saw the little girl was about to sprint towards the person in black.
"MOTHER!, FATHER!"
I quickly grabbed the little girl and pulled her to the nearby tree. I don’t know why, but when I saw that person, every fiber of my body was screaming to run away. That only means one thing: this person is dangerous.
Sorry again with these and thank you if you could also give me some tips that's all.
they are both still some of my drafts so I am getting as much I can get in this forum.