Chapter one POV double check

TheTrinary

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Someone told me that my POV changes in my first chapter are confusing and not technically correct.

I was hoping somebody could give it a quick read and give me their opinion since I didn't really view it as POV in the first place. It's only like four or five pages.
 

K5Rakitan

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Most readers here are silent. For feedback, I recommend using writing.com or WritersCafe. They both have point systems that encourage users to exchange reviews.
 

JaxCreation

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Someone told me that my POV changes in my first chapter are confusing and not technically correct.
In the dialogue-heavy sections, some of the dialogue tags/action beats are grammatically incorrect, which could be causing confusion. There are a fair few paragraphs mentioning multiple characters that are a little vague on who the main subject of the paragraph is, which again, can be confusing.

I also spotted an instance where you unexpectedly jump into Joshua’s(?) inner thoughts without any transition or formatting to indicate it.
Kael shook his head but Joshua continued. “That's what everyone in town is saying. They say you've barely been here longer than we have.” The appearance of the so-called Man in Black and the girl seemed to coincide if you put the townspeople and farmer's stories together. That had to mean something.
Kael is the first person mentioned in the paragraph but the POV character appears to be Joshua, so the inner thoughts/exposition after the dialogue reads... oddly. It’s like you drifted from 3rd limited to 3rd omniscient just for this part.

You could fix this issue by separating Kael’s action into its own sentence or paragraph, although I’d probably add something to the exposition to make the transition to it less jarring:
Kael shook his head.
Ignoring him, Joshua continued, “That's what everyone in town is saying. They say you've barely been here longer than we have.” He was fishing, but if he put the townspeople and farmer's stories together, then the appearance of the Man in Black and the little girl seemed to coincide. That had to mean something.

This part is a good example of confusing POV swapping:
The rider kicked the horse and it carefully stepped down the mushy hill. It was actually coming towards them. Joshua grew wide-eyed and looked around, and then ran. Back to the farmhouse. In the opposite direction. Kael watched incredulously for a moment but then snapped his attention back to his quarry; he wouldn't miss this one chance. His eyes stayed locked as the girl sprinted wildly following Joshua, arms flailing in the air, a scream high pitched enough to hurt the ears.
It feels like an incorrect POV change because you originally start talking about Joshua but then suddenly swap to Kael mid-paragraph, and he’s doing an action that looks like it should be a follow up to what Joshua was doing two sentences ago. The fragments you’re using for emphasis don’t help either. I originally thought you’d typoed the name here until I read it a second time.

Again, starting a new paragraph when you swap to Kael would help. I’d probably make it clearer that Kael’s staring incredulously at Joshua, not at the Man in Black.

Anyway, that’s just what I got from a quick skim. Hopefully that gives you some idea of what to look for. There are some other grammar issues and confusing/oddly constructed paragraphs but it’s late here so I won’t go into it.
 
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