Childhood stories: trauma version(warning, talks a little about death and murder, no one was hurt except for a rabbit that was later food)

[peelsdeeni]

I recently fished up this childhood trauma story from the depths of my brain(and because its trauma, I just happen to remember most of it, and any I don't I could just fill in the blanks by asking my parents cause they don't give two s**ts about my self proclaimed trauma), and I decided that since I don't have any friends to tell this to, I should tell it to internet strangers that just happen to be horny all the time.

I was about 5 or 6 years old when this happened and I was at my childhood home back in China to pick my brother up with my parents to go to America. My parents decided to also stay for vacation. During that time we visited an aunt (I think it was her B-day or something idfk) and she gave us a rabbit. My 5 year old ass decided that the rabbit was cute and that it was my pet. I told my parents and my grandparents that it was from then on my pet, and they agreed(at least that's what my mom told me). So I gave it a name. I have no idea what name I gave the rabbit but I'm gonna say Bob because I can.

I think we had Bob for about a week or so. Then one day, my 5yr old self was walking down the steps to the house to go visit a neighborhood friend from across the street(how come children can make friends so easily tho?) and I came across my grandpa killing my f**king rabbit.

I remember asking my grandpa(in Chinese but I'm gonna try and "translate" the best I can) if he was killing my rabbit. He said no, it was just a very long eared cat(this is so racist but I can't make this shit up) I remember asking him why a cat would have such long ears and he just replied something like, genetic mutation, just, in a way a 5 yr old kid would understand. I was thinking something along the lines of, I'm pretty sure he's lying but Xin-Xin was waiting for me(my friend's name) and that I really didn't care. And later that night, guess what we had for dinner? Rice, something, something else, and that's right, rabbit meat. I remember I myself even ate it.

tldr; When I was 5 or 6, I got a rabbit, my grandpa killed it, served it for dinner, 5 year old self ate it and didn't care(named him or her Bob btw)

When I asked my mom (this is recently though) why we even kept the rabbit for so long even though my grandpa was gonna kill it, she said that we had to make sure it was safe to eat.
I think I was a fucked up 5 year old.

 

[AliceShiki]

One thing that confuses me to this day though, is the fact that my 5 year old self actually understood death. Not that, oh their probably just sleeping and they'll wake up after a long time bullshit. Like proper, they're gone forever and I'll never see them again.

I guess you already had contact with media that involved death? I think you can understand how it works if you've already had contact with it... Probably. Can't say I understand that much on this kind of topic.

 

[KoyukiMegumi]

It all depends on your background and what you saw growing up. To me, you just sound like a normal 5-year-old who did not have enough time to bond with the rabbit. Lol, I think my husband has a similar story, but he is with a chicken that his family killed for soup. He cried, though! Said he loved that chicken! I think he had it for longer than a week, though.

 

[peelsdeeni]

I guess you already had contact with media that involved death? I think you can understand how it works if you've already had contact with it... Probably. Can't say I understand that much on this kind of topic.

well, growing up I did watch like the older type of Chinese shows and for some reason, it seems that back then they didn't care if children saw characters die.

 

[AliceShiki]

well, growing up I did watch like the older type of Chinese shows and for some reason, it seems that back then they didn't care if children saw characters die.

Tbf, I don't think people mind it too much if children see characters die nowadays either.

I mean, Lion King kills Mufasa, yanno?

 

[Deleted member 45782]

Sounds like they tried to shield you partly bc they don't want to tell you but it didn't work.

Ik my grdprts raise chickens and stuff for food early on. So don't feel attached to it. Bc know it's gonna go. Something they did before they moved, bc it was how they lived worked or survived back then etc.

Sometimes it feels the more they try to shield us away from something, when the truth is revealed it really sucks is disappointing even more. So sometimes, it feels like better to know the cold hard truth first than to discover and stumble on it later, a bit more painfully.

Getting attached to it, and developing a bond, and then losing that bond is painful. Sorry to hear about your rabbit.

Thinking about death and stuff at five is depressing. Of all the lives that could be living rn, what makes us so special to be able to rn? and if we go, what if there is nothing like no afterlife or maybe heaven or reincarnation? Just silence. A life goes and that's it. Nothing else besides just turning to dust. Doesn't sound like a very optimistic feel after that, so think would rather stick to some slight beliefs in reincarnation even if it's just something to comfort ourselves what happens after people leave. So I don't bother thinking bout it that deep anymore. The do sometimes wonder if some ppl are just born to be what they are like fillers so others can be able shine in the pile of dust.

But setting that aside to think on more things that directly effect in life, got more plate of things to do now so don't have to think deep into those stuff nowadays. Esp since as time get older we become occupied with other stuff as many others do in life.

 

[ArcadiaBlade]

*Me as a kid, hearing the pigs we raised and care for, getting slit in his throat while screaming 'help'[kinda picked up human language as we did bonded with it] as it was dying*

Hmn... I don't really have any mental trauma going through me since I usually hear it for a long time as a kid and gore is something to get used to when you live in the poorer regions of the world.

It might be because you were raised in a well mannered home that seeing something different would give different reactions to people. Most notably for us, we might be seeing this normally but in the outside perspective, we are kinda fcked up seeing that hearing a pig screamed for help while thinking its normal for us, would be considered abnormal.

After learning much from the internet and seeing different experiences, I guess it mainly depends on the enviroment you grew up at. In which case, different cultures affects how you grew up on.

Death for us come here and go and we don't really dwell much since we already knew we are going to die like the pigs we slaughtered, but death gave us more opportunity to live differently, even if we didn't grew up on luxuries and other things like other countries has and live life to the best of it.

Basically, the more things you have, the less care you give. The less you have, the more care you give kinda thing on my own perspective.

 

[Lloyd]

This reminds me of that video from China of a guy boiling a dog alive. At least that didn't happen to you.

 

[Deleted member 45782]

agreed i think it depends on the environment how we brought up and

It might be because you were raised in a well mannered home that seeing something different would give different reactions to people. Most notably for us, we might be seeing this normally but in the outside perspective, we are kinda fcked up seeing that hearing a pig screamed for help while thinking its normal for us, would be considered abnormal.

After learning much from the internet and seeing different experiences, I guess it mainly depends on the enviroment you grew up at. In which case, different cultures affects how you grew up on.

Agreed with this point. i think it depends on environment and generational exposure to stuff. Ik a few older gen who will not like it but probably it wont be that much shock to them since they've been thru a lot in past just surviving whereas some of us newer gen it'll definitely be a shock to us bc, never had to go thru or experience those things (and gratefully we don't have too).

 

[K5Rakitan]

I feel that shielding kids from certain things causes more harm than good. Now if you want to raise your kid to be a vegetarian, that's a different story.

 

[peelsdeeni]

I feel that shielding kids from certain things causes more harm than good. Now if you want to raise your kid to be a vegetarian, that's a different story.

agreed. but if they wanna be vegetarians, let them figure their own shit out. but if they force their pets to be vegetarian as well, disown them immediately call a local animal protection agency or something idfk