Chronomia feedback!

Nihilism

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Chronomia is about an old man who wakes up as a young girl who... Has the power called [Game loop] tell me ways to improve! Chronomia
 

Fortunis

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As a new author I don't know if there is much I can provide but one simple piece of advise I can give you would be punctuation. The lack of punctuation signs can be really jarring as you are not telling the reader how the sentence has to be interpreted or read, specially commas.

People usually tell me I overuse them but you could take a look at my novel for some reference.

Lord of Whispers
 
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Chronomia is about an old man who wakes up as a young girl who... Has the power called [Game loop] tell me ways to improve! Chronomia
What the rule(what you can do and can't do) for using this power [Game loop]? What the cost of using said power?

What the setting of said story?
- Physical setting(example: what kind of world, what kind of race/species in said world, the flora and fauna and etc.)
- Cultural setting(example: what the relationship between the races, what the politic, is there a war and etc.)

What the conflict the protagonist will face?


If you're looking for an advice:
Make sure your protagonist is proactive.
Careful on how you deliver the exposition.
 
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