Could I get some critiques please?

[ParadigmShiftress]

Rhythmic Love is a new fic that I started posting yesterday. I'm looking for critiques on the story. Are these first two chapters boring? Is the writing bad? I'm not too concerned about grammar issues because this has yet to be beta read and can be fixed at that point. I'm new to writing so any useful feedback you can provide will be greatly appreciated. Thank you :)

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

The cavalry is here!

Spoiler: Cavalry!

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

I have already read the first chapter, but I think I have seen enough to make a judgement. I have seen decent stories with success and I have seen totally rubbish stories with success, but the fact that you already claim after publishing merely two chapters and getting one 5 star rating that the story suffers from poor reception ... Do you want a Nobel prize or what? There are many stories on this site that merit more attention than they get and many authors that got less.

Anyway, and do you really think gay love between angsty teenagers is such a gigantic market with a large audience? You just have a small target group.

 

[ParadigmShiftress]

I have already read the first chapter, but I think I have seen enough to make a judgement. I have seen decent stories with success and I have seen totally rubbish stories with success, but the fact that you already claim after publishing merely two chapters and getting one 5 star rating that the story suffers from poor reception ... Do you want a Nobel prize or what? There are many stories on this site that merit more attention than they get and many authors that got less.

Anyway, and do you really think gay love between angsty teenagers is such a gigantic market with a large audience? You just have a small target group.

Honestly I'm not that concerned about the reception. I'm more concerned about the ACTUAL WRITING! I shouldn't have included that in the post.

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

Honestly I'm not that concerned about the reception. I'm more concerned about the ACTUAL WRITING! I shouldn't have included that in the post.

Doesn't result so from your post.

 

[ParadigmShiftress]

Honestly I'm not that concerned about the reception. I'm more concerned about the ACTUAL WRITING! I shouldn't have included that in the post.

I have already read the first chapter, but I think I have seen enough to make a judgement. I have seen decent stories with success and I have seen totally rubbish stories with success, but the fact that you already claim after publishing merely two chapters and getting one 5 star rating that the story suffers from poor reception ... Do you want a Nobel prize or what? There are many stories on this site that merit more attention than they get and many authors that got less.

Anyway, a

Doesn't result so from your post.

THERE I FIXED IT

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

THERE I FIXED IT

No need to continuously use bold letters. As far as writing goes, technically everything seems fine, but story-wise and stylistically ... Cant say anything yet as there are too few chapters.

 

[ParadigmShiftress]

No need to continuously use bold letters. As far as writing goes, technically everything seems fine, but story-wise and stylistically ... Cant say anything yet as there are too few chapters.

Perfect! Thank you. I will keep working at it.

 

[ChronicleCrawler]

Rhythmic Love is a new fic that I started posting yesterday. I'm looking for critiques on the story. Are these first two chapters boring? Is the writing bad? I'm not too concerned about grammar issues because this has yet to be beta read and can be fixed at that point. I'm new to writing so any useful feedback you can provide will be greatly appreciated. Thank you :)

More chapters first, maybe until it reached the 10th chapter mark. My advice to you is to build up your character first. As of now, your main character is a bit lacking in terms of substance. You could describe the relationship of your characters more in past years so that the readers could understand the question "Why are they acting like that? or Why, when and what made did this rhythmic love rise?" A good character background is much needed in the early chapters. Personally, based on what I see, you're throwing a lot of dialogues here and there in the early chapters. It's not bad, but it's a bit overwhelming since I'm not feeling any connections yet with the characters. I hope this helps a bit .

 

[ParadigmShiftress]

More chapters first, maybe until it reached the 10th chapter mark. My advice to you is to build up your character first. As of now, your main character is a bit lacking in terms of substance. You could describe the relationship of your characters more in past years so that the readers could understand the question "Why are they acting like that? or Why, when and what made did this rhythmic love rise?" A good character background is much needed in the early chapters. Personally, based on what I see, you're throwing a lot of dialogues here and there in the early chapters. It's not bad, but it's a bit overwhelming since I'm not feeling any connections yet with the characters. I hope this helps a bit .

Thank you! I plan on doing a lot of character background in chapter 3. I hope that's not too late? The main character is meant to be lacking in substance at this stage of the story. Like a blank canvas. The inciting incident in the next chapter will be what starts to grow, change and challenge him :). Thanks for the advice it helps a lot!