Hmm, I think I probably just empathized too much with the guy. I just felt so many flags
I think the reason why this video bothers me is because it really should be a cheating video. Instead, it focuses on the man’s sexuality, whereas IMO the problem is about cheating.
It annoys me because I’m bi — and I’m in a committed monogamous relationship/engaged — but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to cheat because my “sexuality is unfulfilled”.
It’s true that there are times when I do want something different (and I can get quite frustrated due to it), but I don’t think that’s any different from straight people occasionally lusting over someone else. It’s not cheating unless a person acts on those desires, but it’s normal to have them.
If a bi or gay or lesbian person cheats — it’s not the fault of them being LGBT — but rather because they cheated regardless of their sexuality.
It just troubles me very deeply that somehow the emphasis is on the guy’s sexuality, and perhaps how his ex-wife seems to imply that it’s the sexuality’s fault or the premise that the guy’s sexuality is in a sense one of the main reasons for the ultimate betrayal.
I mean, we’ve chatted about this main times, but it’s possible to marry someone because you love them romantically and not sexually — and in many circumstances your feelings (and sexuality) can change over time.
In my anecdotal experience, most people in the guy’s position often self-identify as bi — although there are pressures in both the straight and gay communities to present as either totally straight or totally gay, whereas the reality is probably more complex and the feelings are on a spectrum.
It’s also probably easier to divorce someone saying “I’m gay” rather than “I’m bi but I just don’t like you anymore”, so I think there’s often a role like that too.
In either case, sexuality is really complex business.
Oooooooh, that makes plenty of sense!
Mmmmmm, while yes, the cheating was an issue, I think I liked the video in the sense that it actually didn't try to blame her ex-spouse for the cheating, and instead tried to view it through the veins of the sexuality, because like...
Assuming it was in a different situation, that instead of him cheating on her... He instead decided to come out about being gay and wanted to divorce first, to then pursue a relationship with a man... Wouldn't a crisis in the relationship happen anyways?
I think her point in the video was mainly to try giving the point of view of a wife that had a gay spouse come out to her, regardless of the specific circumstances that led to him coming out in the first place. That's why I liked it, instead of trying to vilify his behavior, she tried to just do her best to talk about it and make it less painful to the people involved.
But I totally agree that unfulfilled sexuality is never a reason for cheating! Never!
Like, geez, I remember my parents' divorce now... My father's work colleagues (both male and female) were genuinely surprised by the way the divorce happened... Because my father first made sure the divorce was finalized to them start seeking a new person to start a relationship with... And instead, they all thought that it was "normal" for the man to first find someone else to start a relationship with, and then to start the divorce discussion with the current spouse... I was like... WTF!? That's inverting the cart and the horse! >.<
No matter what the circumstances, cheating is never okay by principle is how I feel... Though if it does happen, the people in question can still solve the problem by talking to one another and better understanding their current circumstances and how they should approach each other... Or well, if they can't solve it, then a break up is necessary.
But at least to me it felt like the purpose of the video was not to discuss the cheating, but to discuss a relationship that was ending because one of the people in the relationship did not feel any attraction to the other party, and how the other party who was still in total love with the first one needs to deal with it...
Looking a bit in retrospect, I think I relate too much with the speaker... Not because of the gay husband thing, but because of how I was deeply in love with my past boyfriends, up until the point they broke up with me that is... And how I had to suddenly deal with the end of a relationship that was defining my life and how I suddenly lost the ground I was standing upon, and had to somehow find a way to stabilize myself again.
Mmmmmmmm, dunno what to think of the whole thing of the partner doing the break up may or may not be bi... I mean, I can understand the logic behind it because I thought of myself as a lesbian until I got my first boyfriend, but... Well, it's just confusing to me to try thinking of it in general terms instead of a case by case basis! >.<
You gave me some good food for thought regardless though! *hugs*
But overall, I really don't feel like it was a video about cheating, but more of a video of one-sided break ups... Because at the end of the day, at least from what I took from the video, she did not want to end the relationship even after the cheating occurrence... The relationship ended because of her husband's sexuality... Or at least that's how I saw it~
Which... Kinda relates to me again now that I think about it? Like... I'm pretty sure I would not break up with someone if I found out they cheated on me... At least not immediately. I know I'd cry, and that I'd talk to them about it... From that point on, I dunno what would happen, but if I still loved them, it wouldn't be a cheating case that would make me give up on the relationship... Which could end up biting me back really badly in the long run, but that's just how it'd be for me I guess.
