jabathehut
Resident Troll
- Joined
- May 10, 2020
- Messages
- 235
- Points
- 58
I will tell you whether I would read your next chapter and why or why not. It looks fun. Come, shower me in your adulations
I will tell you whether I would read your next chapter and why or why not. It looks fun. Come, shower me in your adulations
Would not read.I shall be your first client
The intrigue built up in the auditorium and wonder what is going on is A+. The comedy is good with the evaluation of the characters net worth. As is the characterization with revealing how little he owned.Caninstinct
Shiro believes he's been sent to the wrong school. Rormund Academy: home to only the best of the best. A school so exclusive even its name remains elusive to the public. An establishment where only the wealthiest, smartest, and most athletic students of the world reside. Shiro exhibits none of...www.scribblehub.com
Screw me senseless, my guy
This is my first serious attempt at writing, so yeah, it's bad. But I'll still take those highlights.Imagery felt awkward at some points, I can highlight sentences if you want.
If it makes it any better, this is the only chapter that presents itself in this format. The future chapters are more or less linear, with little flashbacks interjected in between; even then, said flashbacks are presented in clear, italicized format with closure from the present before moving on with the memories.The transition between the two scenes is a little disjointed and left me confused about what was happening til the other scene came back. It pulled me out of the chapter. I'm not really sure to expect out of the rest of the story. Not sure if this is a lot of fighting or focused on conflict between classes?