Writing Descriptive Tags After Dialogue With First Person POV

[ForestDweller]

This has been bugging me for a while. It's about whether or not I'm using too much descriptive words/sentences after the MC says something. So, something like this for example, context being the MC asking a girl to dance in a ballroom.

"I thought you might want a dance," I said with a smirk.

The "I said with a smirk" part. Should I add that? I'm not sure if it's right to do so since it's from the MC's perspective.

Same with "I smiled", "I grinned", "I returned with a blush", etc.

Without them, I'm worried the readers won't know how the MC's facial reaction is.

 

[Deleted member 29316]

You can remove the 'said' and use 'I smirked' instead. 'I said with a smirk' is redundant, unless the conversation involves three or more people.

Also, yep, use descriptive words whenever you find it necessary to elicit feelings or emotions from your readers. Making your readers 'feel' is one of the best ways to make your story more effective.

 

[ForestDweller]

You can remove the 'said' and use 'I smirked' instead. 'I said with a smirk' is redundant, unless the conversation involves three or more people.

Also, yep, use descriptive words whenever you find it necessary to elicit feelings or emotions from your readers. Making your readers 'feel' is one of the best ways to make your story more effective.

I often feel odd just writing that. Feels too short.

 

[Deleted member 29316]

I often feel odd just writing that. Feels too short.

You could add more verbs, like,

"I smirked while tapping my fingers."

 

[ForestDweller]

Tapping what? It's not always applicable.

 

[Deleted member 29316]

Tapping what? It's not always applicable.

It's just a sample. In any case, adding descriptive words to describe the scene would give more effect to your readers. It's the concept of 'Show, don't Tell'.

 

[ForestDweller]

How about this? The MC says something, but then the next sentence, still in the same paragraph, describes an action the other person he's conversing with takes.

"Ah, of course, my apologies." She beamed at my words before resuming my dance.

Normally, I won't allow this since I feel it can get confusing to read. So I'll write it like this instead.

"Ah, of course, my apologies," I replied. She beamed at my words before resuming my dance.

Adding that "I replied" part. The generic verb that can be used anywhere.

I've read first person stories that do the former, along with barely having any added verb after the MC's dialogue. As an example,

"You really are cute, Milady." Her face promptly turned as red as a pumpkin. Ah, what a easy girl to compliment.

"C-cute? How dare you say that to my face, you stupid commoner?!"

"I can't help it. Your beauty simply is blinding."

They won't add any "I smirked" or "I grinned". Maybe they assume the readers already know the MC's personality and can imagine him doing exactly that without being told.

It's just a sample. In any case, adding descriptive words to describe the scene would give more effect to your readers. It's the concept of 'Show, don't Tell'.

Above is even more so, no? Someone said to me that it's better to invoke the readers' imagination instead of forcing it through descriptive texts.

 

[Deleted member 29316]

How about this? The MC says something, but then the next sentence, still in the same paragraph, describes an action the other person he's conversing with takes.

"Ah, of course, my apologies." She beamed at my words before resuming my dance.

Normally, I won't allow this since I feel it can get confusing to read. So I'll write it like this instead.

"Ah, of course, my apologies," I replied. She beamed at my words before resuming my dance.

Adding that "I replied" part. The generic verb that can be used anywhere.

I've read first person stories that do the former, along with barely having any added verb after the MC's dialogue. As an example,

"You really are cute, Milady." Her face promptly turned as red as a pumpkin. Ah, what a easy girl to compliment.

"C-cute? How dare you say that to my face, you stupid commoner?!"

"I can't help it. Your beauty simply is blinding."

They won't add any "I smirked" or "I grinned". Maybe they assume the readers already know the MC's personality and can imagine him doing exactly that without being told.



Above is even more so, no? Someone said to me that it's better to invoke the readers' imagination instead of forcing it through descriptive texts.

Yeah, that's why you need to be aware of when to use such techniques in writing. Usually, in a continuous two-way conversation, you could leave the tags. You MAY add descriptive and/or action words to add feelings or stimulate readers' imagination.

 

[hauntedwritings]

You can remove the 'said' and use 'I smirked' instead. 'I said with a smirk' is redundant, unless the conversation involves three or more people.

Also, yep, use descriptive words whenever you find it necessary to elicit feelings or emotions from your readers. Making your readers 'feel' is one of the best ways to make your story more effective.

This is what I think is the key. What do you want the readers to feel?
I can't say for certain, as I've not writting anything in First Person yet.
If you want to make your readers feel deeper emotions, you need to express it. For instance;

Before I had noticed, my brow had furrowed in contemplation over how to deliver the response in my post.
I realised, that the best way, would be to express my feelings at that moment. My face relaxed as I began tapping the keyboard.
"Before I had noticed, my brow had furrowed in contemplation..." I began, but halted. How should I end the sentence? I want to describe the meaning of 'geting the word across'.
Again, my brow had furrowed. At the end of my example, I raised the corner of my lips in satisfaction.

Perhaps this is too slow paced, but it has the three things I want to get across. Unconcious reactions, Concious actions, and Thoughts.
Everything your character does will be one of those things.

Another key I use in my writing, is to remember the following;
What is happening, and why (and why)?
What: For instance, the smirking. What does it mean to write that the character smirks? It's mainly a change in how your lips are set. That is the what. I like to change it to things like, 'lips curved upwards' or 'raised the corner of her/my mouth', depending on the current setting.
Why: Why did the character smirk? Because he/she is amused? Why, in that case? Then write that. 'I smirked in amusement at my own bafoonery'.

The possibilities are endless. If you find something not descriptive enough, it simply means you think the line in question doesn't express the emotion you wish it to. Go deeper.

Apologies for the rant.

 

[ForestDweller]

'I smirked in amusement at my own bafoonery

Isn't this too wordy? Whenever I write like that, I always have a lingering feeling that it's too much, especially when in a middle of a dialogue.

Though for that case, yes, you have to clarify, since smirking usually means that you're smirking at something amusing that you're seeing.

So if it's smirking at the lady's reaction (the above example), it's going to be "I smirked in amusement at her cute, yet predictable reaction". Isn't that too long to be put in-between dialogue texts? Unless you're going to write more monologue before the lady replies, in which case, I usually put that on its own paragraph.

 

[Deleted member 29316]

Isn't this too wordy? Whenever I write like that, I always have a lingering feeling that it's too much, especially when in a middle of a dialogue.

Though for that case, yes, you have to clarify, since smirking usually means that you're smirking at something amusing that you're seeing.

So if it's smirking at the lady's reaction (the above example), it's going to be "I smirked in amusement at her cute, yet predictable reaction". Isn't that too long to be put in-between dialogue texts? Unless you're going to write more monologue before the lady replies, in which case, I usually put that on its own paragraph.

Well, the thing is, what's 'too wordy' and 'too short' for you? One or two ideas in one sentence is just fine, by normal standards.

If you're not sure, you can always chop your sentence into what you like. Each author have their own style, while following rules. Some might be too wordy for you, and a few could be lacking in words. In the end, you really have to gamble.

That's the difficult part in English: they make rules and then make exceptions to those rules.

 

[hauntedwritings]

Isn't this too wordy? Whenever I write like that, I always have a lingering feeling that it's too much, especially when in a middle of a dialogue.

Though for that case, yes, you have to clarify, since smirking usually means that you're smirking at something amusing that you're seeing.

So if it's smirking at the lady's reaction (the above example), it's going to be "I smirked in amusement at her cute, yet predictable reaction". Isn't that too long to be put in-between dialogue texts? Unless you're going to write more monologue before the lady replies, in which case, I usually put that on its own paragraph.

Aye, it will likely be too wordy for a conversation. The point is that the statment 'I smirked in amusement at my own bafoonery' underlines the things I mentioned.
Smirking is a concious action.
It gives the reader the thought that I'm amused at myself or self-depricating.
(Edit) And the why. I've done something, which gives rise to what I'm doing.
By no means does it mean one has to write as I did. Merely that you CAN extend your descriptive writing, and suggestions for it.
All the things I mentioned does not have to be, and should not be, for every line. You should cycle through them, to keep the reader's interest with fresh words and descriptions.

 

[ForestDweller]

This is what I think is the key. What do you want the readers to feel?
I can't say for certain, as I've not writting anything in First Person yet.
If you want to make your readers feel deeper emotions, you need to express it. For instance;

Before I had noticed, my brow had furrowed in contemplation over how to deliver the response in my post.
I realised, that the best way, would be to express my feelings at that moment. My face relaxed as I began tapping the keyboard.
"Before I had noticed, my brow had furrowed in contemplation..." I began, but halted. How should I end the sentence? I want to describe the meaning of 'geting the word across'.
Again, my brow had furrowed. At the end of my example, I raised the corner of my lips in satisfaction.

Perhaps this is too slow paced, but it has the three things I want to get across. Unconcious reactions, Concious actions, and Thoughts.
Everything your character does will be one of those things.

Another key I use in my writing, is to remember the following;
What is happening, and why (and why)?
What: For instance, the smirking. What does it mean to write that the character smirks? It's mainly a change in how your lips are set. That is the what. I like to change it to things like, 'lips curved upwards' or 'raised the corner of her/my mouth', depending on the current setting.
Why: Why did the character smirk? Because he/she is amused? Why, in that case? Then write that. 'I smirked in amusement at my own bafoonery'.

The possibilities are endless. If you find something not descriptive enough, it simply means you think the line in question doesn't express the emotion you wish it to. Go deeper.

Apologies for the rant.

Should you write unconscious actions by your MC when you're writing in first person?

 

[hauntedwritings]

Should you write unconscious actions by your MC when you're writing in first person?

I mean, it depends. On the situation the MC is in, what you want to emphasise.
The thing with unconcious reactions IRL, is that they are subtle at best, but often invisible. As they should be in writing, and not be used often. Only when your MC has their attention draw. Focused, surprised, shocked, fearful, overwhelmed with joy or sadness.
As such, it's a tool by which to spice up your story.
Too much spice? Disgusting.

(Edit) Especially in first person. The MC is after all unconcious of their reaction - if overused, it will become strange pretty quickly, as they are meant to be unconcious of it happening.
((Edit)) Remember, I have not written in first person. I'm simply speculating. And I'm new to writing. Don't take my words too deeply, as they are merely a personal opinion.

 

[K5Rakitan]

You can also use body language instead of facial expressions. Unless the character is telling a lie, body language and facial expressions will usually go hand-in-hand.

 

[ForestDweller]

You can also use body language instead of facial expressions. Unless the character is telling a lie, body language and facial expressions will usually go hand-in-hand.

Yeah, but in first person POV, I don't think the POV character will be aware of their own body language.