Dipping my feet into the FREE FEEDBACK pool.

ElijahRyne

Not that Lazy…
Joined
Aug 12, 2021
Messages
898
Points
133
I will do my best to go through the first 1-3 chapters of your work. I will not give feedback on smut, it is just not my cup of tea nor my area of amateur expertise. I will also not review anything that glorifies the exploitation of children or people more generally, as in slavery, blackmail, and/or r*pe.

What will I do:
I will give the first couple of chapters a rank between 1-10. With 5 being average, 10 being perfect, and 1 being random nonsense.

I will do my best to suggest points of improvement. Be that dialogue, pacing, structure, etc. In general just ways to improve how the story reads, and ways to make it more eye catching. I am by no means a professional writer or editor so take my advice with a grain of salt. What qualifications do I have then? I like reading, I get through 100,000-200,000 words of reading a day, so I will probably see some things that readers like & dislike.

I am no editor though, so if your chapters are filled with bad grammar I will probably recommend an editor &/or grammar checker. I will, however point out smaller or more infrequent grammatical mistakes.

Potential biases in my reviews:
I use Text-to-speech to listen to what I read. This might make otherwise good passages that sound clunky when reading aloud be pointed out.

I am not that big of a fan of the adventure genre, it is not the worst but I have read enough of it to be quite board of it. I will do my best however not to let that sink into my reviews and feedback.

I am not really in to fanfics and drama, but the same rules as the adventure genera will apply.

I doubt I will see any of it, but I am not really a fan of malicious discrimination, be that based on race, sex, gender, or ability, nor am I a fan of the glorification of it. If said discrimination is used for a storytelling purpose then I won’t care. If it is showing the realities of a group, I will not care. If it is repeating N**i propaganda I probably will. So, depending on context, I might just drop that series with a short review.

This will probably be even rarer, but I will also probably not review propaganda of most organizations, political or otherwise, favorably.



With that being said, expect a review within 1-7 days, unless I kill the thread. The reviews will be between 3-50 sentences, and have fun!
 
D

Deleted member 93348

Guest
Sure thing, fam. I know the adventure genre isn’t your cup of tea, but you can read my draft any time you want. It’s only 4 chapters because I haven’t revised chapters 5-7 yet.
 

melchi

What is a custom title?
Joined
May 2, 2021
Messages
1,807
Points
153
I will do my best to go through the first 1-3 chapters of your work. I will not give feedback on smut, it is just not my cup of tea nor my area of amateur expertise. I will also not review anything that glorifies the exploitation of children or people more generally, as in slavery, blackmail, and/or r*pe.

What will I do:
I will give the first couple of chapters a rank between 1-10. With 5 being average, 10 being perfect, and 1 being random nonsense.

I will do my best to suggest points of improvement. Be that dialogue, pacing, structure, etc. In general just ways to improve how the story reads, and ways to make it more eye catching. I am by no means a professional writer or editor so take my advice with a grain of salt. What qualifications do I have then? I like reading, I get through 100,000-200,000 words of reading a day, so I will probably see some things that readers like & dislike.

I am no editor though, so if your chapters are filled with bad grammar I will probably recommend an editor &/or grammar checker. I will, however point out smaller or more infrequent grammatical mistakes.

Potential biases in my reviews:
I use Text-to-speech to listen to what I read. This might make otherwise good passages that sound clunky when reading aloud be pointed out.

I am not that big of a fan of the adventure genre, it is not the worst but I have read enough of it to be quite board of it. I will do my best however not to let that sink into my reviews and feedback.

I am not really in to fanfics and drama, but the same rules as the adventure genera will apply.

I doubt I will see any of it, but I am not really a fan of malicious discrimination, be that based on race, sex, gender, or ability, nor am I a fan of the glorification of it. If said discrimination is used for a storytelling purpose then I won’t care. If it is showing the realities of a group, I will not care. If it is repeating N**i propaganda I probably will. So, depending on context, I might just drop that series with a short review.

This will probably be even rarer, but I will also probably not review propaganda of most organizations, political or otherwise, favorably.



With that being said, expect a review within 1-7 days, unless I kill the thread. The reviews will be between 3-50 sentences, and have fun!
Text to speech best reading. Though it also will skip over tables which may be a good or bad thing depending on how you feel about litrpgs.
 

Para23

Active member
Joined
Jan 31, 2023
Messages
50
Points
33
I will do my best to go through the first 1-3 chapters of your work. I will not give feedback on smut, it is just not my cup of tea nor my area of amateur expertise. I will also not review anything that glorifies the exploitation of children or people more generally, as in slavery, blackmail, and/or r*pe.

What will I do:
I will give the first couple of chapters a rank between 1-10. With 5 being average, 10 being perfect, and 1 being random nonsense.

I will do my best to suggest points of improvement. Be that dialogue, pacing, structure, etc. In general just ways to improve how the story reads, and ways to make it more eye catching. I am by no means a professional writer or editor so take my advice with a grain of salt. What qualifications do I have then? I like reading, I get through 100,000-200,000 words of reading a day, so I will probably see some things that readers like & dislike.

I am no editor though, so if your chapters are filled with bad grammar I will probably recommend an editor &/or grammar checker. I will, however point out smaller or more infrequent grammatical mistakes.

Potential biases in my reviews:
I use Text-to-speech to listen to what I read. This might make otherwise good passages that sound clunky when reading aloud be pointed out.

I am not that big of a fan of the adventure genre, it is not the worst but I have read enough of it to be quite board of it. I will do my best however not to let that sink into my reviews and feedback.

I am not really in to fanfics and drama, but the same rules as the adventure genera will apply.

I doubt I will see any of it, but I am not really a fan of malicious discrimination, be that based on race, sex, gender, or ability, nor am I a fan of the glorification of it. If said discrimination is used for a storytelling purpose then I won’t care. If it is showing the realities of a group, I will not care. If it is repeating N**i propaganda I probably will. So, depending on context, I might just drop that series with a short review.

This will probably be even rarer, but I will also probably not review propaganda of most organizations, political or otherwise, favorably.



With that being said, expect a review within 1-7 days, unless I kill the thread. The reviews will be between 3-50 sentences, and have fun!
Hi! I just posted my first chapter here on scribble hub and was wondering if you can look over it! I agree with all the points u made cause honestly, it's really reasonable. I'm honestly looking for some brutal honesty, cause my writing is all over the place lol. My book is called scripted fate.
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/674987/scripted-fate/
 

ElijahRyne

Not that Lazy…
Joined
Aug 12, 2021
Messages
898
Points
133
I want to go!

Wraps
I read the first 3 chapters, and I will give it a rating of 4.8/10 or slightly below average.

Why?:
In those 3 chapters you only learn 6~ important things, but you never learn the motivation of the MC.
1. You learn that Minji died and made a deal with Diablo. (Or at least it was implied they did.)
2. You learn that Minji has lost their memories.
3. You learn that Minji is supernatural and supernaturally strong.
4. You learn that Nightfall likes to kill and thinks the MC does too.
5. You learn that Minji doesn’t like to kill.
6. You learn that Minji is quick to anger.
All you know besides those facts is that Minji just wanders the alleys and kills thugs attack them. When writing you typically want of your scenes to do/teach something, in each chapter you also want something important to happen. So far, with the context we were given, nothing of importance outside of Minji’s reincarnation has happened. We do not know what the mystery is supposed to be about. The biggest contender for that is the MC’s original memories, but the MC also knows a lot about their past life so that can’t be it. It can’t be Nightfall’s obsession with Minji, because we know their motivation already. So far all we know is some 1st date level info about Minji.

It is also hard to understand why other characters are acting how they do. We meet 2 groups of gangsters that instantly attack, a clown faced murderer, and a fairy. All of those characters serve similar a similar purpose, to be beaten. Yet, their actions make little sense &/or the size of Minji’s reaction is overblown. This is because we, the reader, have very little context to the world Minji is living in. Are gangs common? Why do their members attack people randomly? Etc.

Another smaller thing is that the first 2 chapters are almost exactly the same. We have a flashback, some narration, a fight with some mobs, and a meeting with Nightfall. I feel like this could all be done in one chapter.

What can you do to improve the chapters?:
1. Add a prologue describing how Minji came to this world, and what they think of it. I know that this is supposed to be a mystery, but withholding information that the protagonist knows, that is important to the story, from the reader does not equal mystery it equals confusion. It will remove all/most confusion with the context of the story.

2. To remove unwanted repetition in your chapters you can create a brief outline of each scene you want to write in the chapter. This might make your writing a bit more focused. How? Before you write anything, create a list of characters with their personality + important parts about them. Then you make a broad outline over the entire story and what you want to happen. Then you narrow that down to a chapter/arc. Keep in mind to reveal the characters personality fairly quickly, and then portion out the rest naturally from what the protagonist & reader already knows. Here is what I am doing for one chapter in my mystery series.
Scene 1
Setting the doorway/living room
Characters Garry and the letter
Goal Show that Garry is confused, and him reading the letter. Also establishes what the letter is about.

Scene 2
Setting the street & outside of the factory
Characters Don and Nate
Goal Show how this began. Also give the description of the factory and Nate.

Scene 3
Setting The first & second floor of the factory.
Characters Don
Goal To give a rough layout of the floors. To make the reader suspicious, also a bit of foreshadowing.

Scene 4
Setting The stairs & the nearby room.
Characters Don
Goal Establish without a fact that this place is not friendly and that something supernatural is afoot.
Scene 5
Setting escape
Characters Don
Goal Show a bit of the strength and methods that the Dead Butterfly. Give a vision that the world is bigger than it seems.

Scene 6
Setting Living room
Characters Garry
Goal Show his reaction to the letter, and a bit of how he plans to go forward.

Scene 7
Setting Doorway
Characters Phel and Garry
Goal Show their relationship, give a small break on the tension. Foreshadowing how he gets distracted.

Scene 8
Setting Living room
Characters Garry and Phel
Goal Give more backstory before setting up the next chapter, and the tension/guilt Garry feels about hiding the letter.
3. You have a few grammatical mistakes, I recommend reading aloud and listening to your chapters while editing &/or using text-to-speech.



If you can fix these issues the series can easily go up to at least a six or seven out of ten!
Sure thing, fam. I know the adventure genre isn’t your cup of tea, but you can read my draft any time you want. It’s only 4 chapters because I haven’t revised chapters 5-7 yet.
I read the first 3 chapters. I would rate it 7/10 or good.

I didn’t really see much wrong with it. My only suggestion would be to make the first 3 chapters 1 chapter. Think of it as a pilot episode.

You might also want to see if there is a way to explain the same thing while cutting down on words. It isn’t necessary, but I think it might help polish it a bit.
Original:
But now wasn’t the time for sappy moments or tear-jerkers. First and foremost, Hokori needed to get off his ass, pack his shit, and see the world like old times. No more being a rogue mage on the run. No more watching game shows all night with mounds of chips on the side, and certainly no more making paper planes out of his invitations from the capital.

Modified:
But now wasn’t the time for sappy moments . First and foremost, Hokori needed to get off his ass, pack his shit, and see the world like old times. No more being a rogue mage on the run. No more watching game shows all night while eating mounds of chips, and certainly no more making paper planes from this useless paper.

Regardless of the quality of my edits, I think if you do things like that it might go from being good to being great!
Hi! I just posted my first chapter here on scribble hub and was wondering if you can look over it! I agree with all the points u made cause honestly, it's really reasonable. I'm honestly looking for some brutal honesty, cause my writing is all over the place lol. My book is called scripted fate.
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/674987/scripted-fate/
I finished the 1st chapter. I would rate it a 6/10 or above average.

What was wrong?:
Grammar, there were a handful of grammar mistakes such as missing words, wrong punctuation, etc.
Original:
The shrill whistle of wind overtook the silence; as an icy draft invading the well maintained temperatures of the car, through the window that I had refused to fully close.
Fixed:
The shrill whistle of wind overtook the silence, as an icy draft invaded the well maintained temperature of the car through the window that I had refused to fully close.

You also have some awkward phrasing, which made it harder for me to understand some passages when I first read them.
Original:
" Thanks" I said, walking inside. I could hear his angry muttering as I entered the front garden, through the gates that swung open due of the facial recognition feature that grandmother had installed—I flinched back a little because I forgot that fact. I hadn't lived here for about two years after all.

Modified:
" Thanks" I said, walking inside. I could hear his angry muttering as I entered the front garden. I hadn't lived here for about two years after all. *BEEP* I flinched back a little because I forgot that the gates would swing open due to that facial recognition software that grandmother had installed.

How to fix these?

1. I recommend that you listen back to what you have written while editing. This can make grammatical mistakes more obvious and allow you to hear any places where the dialogue/narration becomes awkward.
2. I also recommend using a grammar checker like Grammarly, this can help you find the more hidden mistakes. But, you must also be careful when using these, sometimes their suggested edits are wrong &/or worse than the original. These are tools to improve your grammar not the solution.


If you can fix these this can easily improve to a 7 or more!
 
Last edited:

CrazyKid21

Member
Joined
Apr 19, 2022
Messages
27
Points
18
I read the first 3 chapters, and I will give it a rating of 4.8/10 or slightly below average.

Why?:
In those 3 chapters you only learn 6~ important things, but you never learn the motivation of the MC.
1. You learn that Minji died and made a deal with Diablo. (Or at least it was implied they did.)
2. You learn that Minji has lost their memories.
3. You learn that Minji is supernatural and supernaturally strong.
4. You learn that Nightfall likes to kill and thinks the MC does too.
5. You learn that Minji doesn’t like to kill.
6. You learn that Minji is quick to anger.
All you know besides those facts is that Minji just wanders the alleys and kills thugs attack them. When writing you typically want of your scenes to do/teach something, in each chapter you also want something important to happen. So far, with the context we were given, nothing of importance outside of Minji’s reincarnation has happened. We do not know what the mystery is supposed to be about. The biggest contender for that is the MC’s original memories, but the MC also knows a lot about their past life so that can’t be it. It can’t be Nightfall’s obsession with Minji, because we know their motivation already. So far all we know is some 1st date level info about Minji.

It is also hard to understand why other characters are acting how they do. We meet 2 groups of gangsters that instantly attack, a clown faced murderer, and a fairy. All of those characters serve similar a similar purpose, to be beaten. Yet, their actions make little sense &/or the size of Minji’s reaction is overblown. This is because we, the reader, have very little context to the world Minji is living in. Are gangs common? Why do their members attack people randomly? Etc.

Another smaller thing is that the first 2 chapters are almost exactly the same. We have a flashback, some narration, a fight with some mobs, and a meeting with Nightfall. I feel like this could all be done in one chapter.

What can you do to improve the chapters?:
1. Add a prologue describing how Minji came to this world, and what they think of it. I know that this is supposed to be a mystery, but withholding information that the protagonist knows, that is important to the story, from the reader does not equal mystery it equals confusion. It will remove all/most confusion with the context of the story.

2. To remove unwanted repetition in your chapters you can create a brief outline of each scene you want to write in the chapter. This might make your writing a bit more focused. How? Before you write anything, create a list of characters with their personality + important parts about them. Then you make a broad outline over the entire story and what you want to happen. Then you narrow that down to a chapter/arc. Keep in mind to reveal the characters personality fairly quickly, and then portion out the rest naturally from what the protagonist & reader already knows. Here is what I am doing for one chapter in my mystery series.
Scene 1
Setting the doorway/living room
Characters Garry and the letter
Goal Show that Garry is confused, and him reading the letter. Also establishes what the letter is about.

Scene 2
Setting the street & outside of the factory
Characters Don and Nate
Goal Show how this began. Also give the description of the factory and Nate.

Scene 3
Setting The first & second floor of the factory.
Characters Don
Goal To give a rough layout of the floors. To make the reader suspicious, also a bit of foreshadowing.

Scene 4
Setting The stairs & the nearby room.
Characters Don
Goal Establish without a fact that this place is not friendly and that something supernatural is afoot.
Scene 5
Setting escape
Characters Don
Goal Show a bit of the strength and methods that the Dead Butterfly. Give a vision that the world is bigger than it seems.

Scene 6
Setting Living room
Characters Garry
Goal Show his reaction to the letter, and a bit of how he plans to go forward.

Scene 7
Setting Doorway
Characters Phel and Garry
Goal Show their relationship, give a small break on the tension. Foreshadowing how he gets distracted.

Scene 8
Setting Living room
Characters Garry and Phel
Goal Give more backstory before setting up the next chapter, and the tension/guilt Garry feels about hiding the letter.
3. You have a few grammatical mistakes, I recommend reading aloud and listening to your chapters while editing &/or using text-to-speech.
Thanks for the feedback!
 

Scaver

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 8, 2022
Messages
198
Points
58
Here is mine!
 

Para23

Active member
Joined
Jan 31, 2023
Messages
50
Points
33
I read the first 3 chapters, and I will give it a rating of 4.8/10 or slightly below average.

Why?:
In those 3 chapters you only learn 6~ important things, but you never learn the motivation of the MC.
1. You learn that Minji died and made a deal with Diablo. (Or at least it was implied they did.)
2. You learn that Minji has lost their memories.
3. You learn that Minji is supernatural and supernaturally strong.
4. You learn that Nightfall likes to kill and thinks the MC does too.
5. You learn that Minji doesn’t like to kill.
6. You learn that Minji is quick to anger.
All you know besides those facts is that Minji just wanders the alleys and kills thugs attack them. When writing you typically want of your scenes to do/teach something, in each chapter you also want something important to happen. So far, with the context we were given, nothing of importance outside of Minji’s reincarnation has happened. We do not know what the mystery is supposed to be about. The biggest contender for that is the MC’s original memories, but the MC also knows a lot about their past life so that can’t be it. It can’t be Nightfall’s obsession with Minji, because we know their motivation already. So far all we know is some 1st date level info about Minji.

It is also hard to understand why other characters are acting how they do. We meet 2 groups of gangsters that instantly attack, a clown faced murderer, and a fairy. All of those characters serve similar a similar purpose, to be beaten. Yet, their actions make little sense &/or the size of Minji’s reaction is overblown. This is because we, the reader, have very little context to the world Minji is living in. Are gangs common? Why do their members attack people randomly? Etc.

Another smaller thing is that the first 2 chapters are almost exactly the same. We have a flashback, some narration, a fight with some mobs, and a meeting with Nightfall. I feel like this could all be done in one chapter.

What can you do to improve the chapters?:
1. Add a prologue describing how Minji came to this world, and what they think of it. I know that this is supposed to be a mystery, but withholding information that the protagonist knows, that is important to the story, from the reader does not equal mystery it equals confusion. It will remove all/most confusion with the context of the story.

2. To remove unwanted repetition in your chapters you can create a brief outline of each scene you want to write in the chapter. This might make your writing a bit more focused. How? Before you write anything, create a list of characters with their personality + important parts about them. Then you make a broad outline over the entire story and what you want to happen. Then you narrow that down to a chapter/arc. Keep in mind to reveal the characters personality fairly quickly, and then portion out the rest naturally from what the protagonist & reader already knows. Here is what I am doing for one chapter in my mystery series.
Scene 1
Setting the doorway/living room
Characters Garry and the letter
Goal Show that Garry is confused, and him reading the letter. Also establishes what the letter is about.

Scene 2
Setting the street & outside of the factory
Characters Don and Nate
Goal Show how this began. Also give the description of the factory and Nate.

Scene 3
Setting The first & second floor of the factory.
Characters Don
Goal To give a rough layout of the floors. To make the reader suspicious, also a bit of foreshadowing.

Scene 4
Setting The stairs & the nearby room.
Characters Don
Goal Establish without a fact that this place is not friendly and that something supernatural is afoot.
Scene 5
Setting escape
Characters Don
Goal Show a bit of the strength and methods that the Dead Butterfly. Give a vision that the world is bigger than it seems.

Scene 6
Setting Living room
Characters Garry
Goal Show his reaction to the letter, and a bit of how he plans to go forward.

Scene 7
Setting Doorway
Characters Phel and Garry
Goal Show their relationship, give a small break on the tension. Foreshadowing how he gets distracted.

Scene 8
Setting Living room
Characters Garry and Phel
Goal Give more backstory before setting up the next chapter, and the tension/guilt Garry feels about hiding the letter.
3. You have a few grammatical mistakes, I recommend reading aloud and listening to your chapters while editing &/or using text-to-speech.



If you can fix these issues the series can easily go up to at least a six or seven out of ten!

I read the first 3 chapters. I would rate it 7/10 or good.

I didn’t really see much wrong with it. My only suggestion would be to make the first 3 chapters 1 chapter. Think of it as a pilot episode.

You might also want to see if there is a way to explain the same thing while cutting down on words. It isn’t necessary, but I think it might help polish it a bit.
Original:
But now wasn’t the time for sappy moments or tear-jerkers. First and foremost, Hokori needed to get off his ass, pack his shit, and see the world like old times. No more being a rogue mage on the run. No more watching game shows all night with mounds of chips on the side, and certainly no more making paper planes out of his invitations from the capital.

Modified:
But now wasn’t the time for sappy moments . First and foremost, Hokori needed to get off his ass, pack his shit, and see the world like old times. No more being a rogue mage on the run. No more watching game shows all night while eating mounds of chips, and certainly no more making paper planes from this useless paper.

Regardless of the quality of my edits, I think if you do things like that it might go from being good to being great!

I finished the 1st chapter. I would rate it a 6/10 or above average.

What was wrong?:
Grammar, there were a handful of grammar mistakes such as missing words, wrong punctuation, etc.
Original:
The shrill whistle of wind overtook the silence; as an icy draft invading the well maintained temperatures of the car, through the window that I had refused to fully close.
Fixed:
The shrill whistle of wind overtook the silence, as an icy draft invaded the well maintained temperature of the car through the window that I had refused to fully close.

You also have some awkward phrasing, which made it harder for me to understand some passages when I first read them.
Original:
" Thanks" I said, walking inside. I could hear his angry muttering as I entered the front garden, through the gates that swung open due of the facial recognition feature that grandmother had installed—I flinched back a little because I forgot that fact. I hadn't lived here for about two years after all.

Modified:
" Thanks" I said, walking inside. I could hear his angry muttering as I entered the front garden. I hadn't lived here for about two years after all. *BEEP* I flinched back a little because I forgot that the gates would swing open due to that facial recognition software that grandmother had installed.

How to fix these?

1. I recommend that you listen back to what you have written while editing. This can make grammatical mistakes more obvious and allow you to hear any places where the dialogue/narration becomes awkward.
2. I also recommend using a grammar checker like Grammarly, this can help you find the more hidden mistakes. But, you must also be careful when using these, sometimes their suggested edits are wrong &/or worse than the original. These are tools to improve your grammar not the solution.


If you can fix these this can easily improve to a 7 or more!
Thank you for the feedback! I agree about the grammar; writing on my phone leaves a lot of room for error, so I’ll definitely go give it another edit over. About the second correction tho, I’ll probably just delete the sequence about him flinching back and all that because it’s redundant information. Your correction for it kind of makes less sense than the original; but I’ll see what I can do.
Also, can I ask you what you thought about the storyline? Is there too much information dumping, or maybe too little? I’m a bit worried about squashing too many things into one chapter because the first few chapters are technically a prologue…
But anyways, I really appreciate you taking the time to give me detailed feedback like this! It’s much better than what we can get on Webnovel lol.
 

ElijahRyne

Not that Lazy…
Joined
Aug 12, 2021
Messages
898
Points
133
Thank you for the feedback! I agree about the grammar; writing on my phone leaves a lot of room for error, so I’ll definitely go give it another edit over. About the second correction tho, I’ll probably just delete the sequence about him flinching back and all that because it’s redundant information. Your correction for it kind of makes less sense than the original; but I’ll see what I can do.
Also, can I ask you what you thought about the storyline? Is there too much information dumping, or maybe too little? I’m a bit worried about squashing too many things into one chapter because the first few chapters are technically a prologue…
But anyways, I really appreciate you taking the time to give me detailed feedback like this! It’s much better than what we can get on Webnovel lol.
I believe that it is paced fine for now, and so far the story makes sense. The only real issue with it was the grammar, and syntax to a slight extent. So far I would read it, assuming that the grammar is fixed and the story is complete/over 100,000 words.
 
Joined
Nov 7, 2022
Messages
3
Points
18
I will do my best to go through the first 1-3 chapters of your work. I will not give feedback on smut, it is just not my cup of tea nor my area of amateur expertise. I will also not review anything that glorifies the exploitation of children or people more generally, as in slavery, blackmail, and/or r*pe.

What will I do:
I will give the first couple of chapters a rank between 1-10. With 5 being average, 10 being perfect, and 1 being random nonsense.

I will do my best to suggest points of improvement. Be that dialogue, pacing, structure, etc. In general just ways to improve how the story reads, and ways to make it more eye catching. I am by no means a professional writer or editor so take my advice with a grain of salt. What qualifications do I have then? I like reading, I get through 100,000-200,000 words of reading a day, so I will probably see some things that readers like & dislike.

I am no editor though, so if your chapters are filled with bad grammar I will probably recommend an editor &/or grammar checker. I will, however point out smaller or more infrequent grammatical mistakes.

Potential biases in my reviews:
I use Text-to-speech to listen to what I read. This might make otherwise good passages that sound clunky when reading aloud be pointed out.

I am not that big of a fan of the adventure genre, it is not the worst but I have read enough of it to be quite board of it. I will do my best however not to let that sink into my reviews and feedback.

I am not really in to fanfics and drama, but the same rules as the adventure genera will apply.

I doubt I will see any of it, but I am not really a fan of malicious discrimination, be that based on race, sex, gender, or ability, nor am I a fan of the glorification of it. If said discrimination is used for a storytelling purpose then I won’t care. If it is showing the realities of a group, I will not care. If it is repeating N**i propaganda I probably will. So, depending on context, I might just drop that series with a short review.

This will probably be even rarer, but I will also probably not review propaganda of most organizations, political or otherwise, favorably.



With that being said, expect a review within 1-7 days, unless I kill the thread. The reviews will be between 3-50 sentences, and have fun!
Nervous, but I wanna try...

 

Alkareel

Cuisses de Grenouille
Joined
Oct 10, 2020
Messages
224
Points
103
Can I get in line? :D
 

MrBtheNovelist

New member
Joined
Feb 4, 2023
Messages
10
Points
3
This is my first day on Scribble and as a new writer I reallyyy appreciate that you're taking the time to do this =) I'm only 15k words in but the story as been planned out! Below is the synopsis
"My life on earth was just a Pre-Birth Simulation?!"

It's theorised that our planet has experienced 4 mass extinction events, Prince Chronos Astral was born into Tertius (the 3rd), an advanced civilisation of cultivators with Dimensional Sigils that bestow upon them an affinity to powers that form the foundations of our Universe.

However, the Empire of Technia, a cyborg race who have forgone their humanity, looms across the horizon. Controlled by extraterrestrial invaders and a corrupted Goddess of the Future, the Technians have no choice but to lay the foundations for an inherent future of android dominion.

Humanity's second and last chance to preserve their home planet might depend on the tyrant Prince of Astral - Chronos Astral. Follow along his perilous journey in a war of timelines to decide the rulers of our planet.
Time After Death : Chronicles of A Tyrant Prince

Cheers and Many Thanks
MrB the Novelist
 

ElijahRyne

Not that Lazy…
Joined
Aug 12, 2021
Messages
898
Points
133
Here is mine!
I read the first 3 chapters and would rate it a 7/10, or good.

When things get this high it is hard for me to find something to improve, outside of your grammar, so I have one criticism and an idea that you can probably ignore. The story is being told from a 1st person pov, the advantage of this pov is that you are inside the head of the protagonist. Yet, we have had very little time to linger on Zareth’s thoughts so far. With the exception of the first 6 paragraphs, the majority of the story, so far, has been Zareth telling us what he did. That isn’t to say you need to overcorrect, or even change much at all. The most simple way to improve this is every couple of paragraphs add a sentence or two to add in his thoughts.

Original:
Then I looked around the other rooms and found nothing special. When I was about to leave the place, I halted my feet and turned back. I walked toward a room and picked up the sword. I had noticed this earlier when looking through this place but thinking again I should take it with me.


The sword In my hand wasn’t a decoration but a real sword. Its sharp blade that drew my red blood was clear proof of that. I hung the leather sheath on my waist and made it comfortable. Finding nothing else in this place, I made my way out making sure to place my feet in the right place to hold and not injure my legs.

Modified:
Then I looked around the other rooms and found nothing special. When I was about to leave the place, I halted my feet and turned back. I walked toward a room and picked up the sword. I had noticed this earlier when looking through this place but thinking again I should take it with me. If things went south a weapon is better then no weapon.


The sword In my hand wasn’t a decoration but a real sword. Its sharp blade that drew my red blood when I tapped it was clear proof of that. ‘If anything happens hopefully this will be enough.’ I thought as I hung the leather sheath on my waist and made it comfortable. Finding nothing else in this place, I made my way out making sure to place my feet in the right place to hold and not injure my legs.

As for my idea that you can probably ignore, so far the story progresses so that whenever Zareth dies he gets transported to a different place/time. We are transported as soon as our feet hit the ground and it is a bit disorientating, which I presume is what you intended. But I think, coupled with the previous advice, you can add a bit to each chapter, to make the shock of losing our footing more jarring.

For example, instead of him climbing down the tree and turning his brain off, Zareth does something like this.
Original: My heart raced at the thought of being lost in a forest, all but alone. But I calmed myself down. Panic was the last thing I needed now. I reached deep into my tangled memories to find a reason for being here but the only thing that was I had not been into a forest for years. The last time was six years ago. The remembrance of that memory turned my mood sour.

Climbing down the tree I started walking, intending to find a way out of this god-forsaken forest. As I continued walking through the wood, trotting over the twigs and the broken branch I kept my mind blank. Not thinking of anything but finding a way out. Soon the minutes turned into an hour. It didn’t take me long for the thirst to settle down in my throat. I would occasionally wet my lips with my tongue. But that did barely anything whatsoever.

Modified/suggested modifications
My heart raced at the thought of being lost in a forest, all but alone. But I calmed myself down. Panic was the last thing I needed now. I reached deep into my tangled memories to find a reason for being here but the only thing that was was that I had not been into a forest for years. The last time was six years ago. The remembrance of that memory turned my mood sour.

(Add flashback or small description of the memory)

Climbing down the tree I started walking, intending to find a way out of this god-forsaken (? remove for now add when he has more reason to dislike) forest. As I continued walking through the woods, trotting over the twigs and broken branches, I kept my mind focused. I can not afford to think of anything but to find a way out of here.

The hour dragged on as my thirst grew. This god-forsaken forest seems to not be that easy to leave. Could I even find a way out today? Hell, how do I know I am not going in circles? Am I going to survive?

It didn’t take me long for the thirst to settle down in my throat. I would occasionally wet my lips with my tongue. But that did barely anything whatsoever.

(Add a couple lines or paragraphs about him trying to find shelter & water. After that he finds the house and spends the night, something happens that forces him to head out(like lack of water or a big storm blew in a wall), so he must look for things in the house that will help him survive. You end the chapter when the bushes start rustling and start the next one with the confrontation with the noble)

If you do something like this you have set up a standard Isekai first chapter, so it will be even more jarring when Zareth dies next chapter. You will also get to understand Zareth as a character a bit more than a guy who does stuff to survive who happens to have bad memories that we don’t know.

If you can do this, and fix your grammar, you can easily reach more than an 8 with this story.
 

Scaver

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 8, 2022
Messages
198
Points
58
I read the first 3 chapters and would rate it a 7/10, or good.

When things get this high it is hard for me to find something to improve, outside of your grammar, so I have one criticism and an idea that you can probably ignore. The story is being told from a 1st person pov, the advantage of this pov is that you are inside the head of the protagonist. Yet, we have had very little time to linger on Zareth’s thoughts so far. With the exception of the first 6 paragraphs, the majority of the story, so far, has been Zareth telling us what he did. That isn’t to say you need to overcorrect, or even change much at all. The most simple way to improve this is every couple of paragraphs add a sentence or two to add in his thoughts.

Original:
Then I looked around the other rooms and found nothing special. When I was about to leave the place, I halted my feet and turned back. I walked toward a room and picked up the sword. I had noticed this earlier when looking through this place but thinking again I should take it with me.


The sword In my hand wasn’t a decoration but a real sword. Its sharp blade that drew my red blood was clear proof of that. I hung the leather sheath on my waist and made it comfortable. Finding nothing else in this place, I made my way out making sure to place my feet in the right place to hold and not injure my legs.

Modified:
Then I looked around the other rooms and found nothing special. When I was about to leave the place, I halted my feet and turned back. I walked toward a room and picked up the sword. I had noticed this earlier when looking through this place but thinking again I should take it with me. If things went south a weapon is better then no weapon.


The sword In my hand wasn’t a decoration but a real sword. Its sharp blade that drew my red blood when I tapped it was clear proof of that. ‘If anything happens hopefully this will be enough.’ I thought as I hung the leather sheath on my waist and made it comfortable. Finding nothing else in this place, I made my way out making sure to place my feet in the right place to hold and not injure my legs.

As for my idea that you can probably ignore, so far the story progresses so that whenever Zareth dies he gets transported to a different place/time. We are transported as soon as our feet hit the ground and it is a bit disorientating, which I presume is what you intended. But I think, coupled with the previous advice, you can add a bit to each chapter, to make the shock of losing our footing more jarring.

For example, instead of him climbing down the tree and turning his brain off, Zareth does something like this.
Original: My heart raced at the thought of being lost in a forest, all but alone. But I calmed myself down. Panic was the last thing I needed now. I reached deep into my tangled memories to find a reason for being here but the only thing that was I had not been into a forest for years. The last time was six years ago. The remembrance of that memory turned my mood sour.

Climbing down the tree I started walking, intending to find a way out of this god-forsaken forest. As I continued walking through the wood, trotting over the twigs and the broken branch I kept my mind blank. Not thinking of anything but finding a way out. Soon the minutes turned into an hour. It didn’t take me long for the thirst to settle down in my throat. I would occasionally wet my lips with my tongue. But that did barely anything whatsoever.

Modified/suggested modifications
My heart raced at the thought of being lost in a forest, all but alone. But I calmed myself down. Panic was the last thing I needed now. I reached deep into my tangled memories to find a reason for being here but the only thing that was was that I had not been into a forest for years. The last time was six years ago. The remembrance of that memory turned my mood sour.

(Add flashback or small description of the memory)

Climbing down the tree I started walking, intending to find a way out of this god-forsaken (? remove for now add when he has more reason to dislike) forest. As I continued walking through the woods, trotting over the twigs and broken branches, I kept my mind focused. I can not afford to think of anything but to find a way out of here.

The hour dragged on as my thirst grew. This god-forsaken forest seems to not be that easy to leave. Could I even find a way out today? Hell, how do I know I am not going in circles? Am I going to survive?

It didn’t take me long for the thirst to settle down in my throat. I would occasionally wet my lips with my tongue. But that did barely anything whatsoever.

(Add a couple lines or paragraphs about him trying to find shelter & water. After that he finds the house and spends the night, something happens that forces him to head out(like lack of water or a big storm blew in a wall), so he must look for things in the house that will help him survive. You end the chapter when the bushes start rustling and start the next one with the confrontation with the noble)
Great advice! I will work on that.

Now you said you have read till chap 3. So can you expand a little bit more on those?
I agree with you that I should add a few more mc's thoughts but I wanted to keep it slightly mysterious but that said, I should still add some thoughts nonetheless. After all, readers don't have any reason to care without any connection to the mc.
And actually he didn't die, he was rather transported or zareth still doens't know about that. I mean he still doesn't have the realization that he was in another world in the chap 1. Initially I wanted to have the realization when he won against the fight with the noble. But now, he would first return from his extensive 'memory' and then realize.
If you do something like this you have set up a standard Isekai first chapter, so it will be even more jarring when Zareth dies next chapter. You will also get to understand Zareth as a character a bit more than a guy who does stuff to survive who happens to have bad memories that we don’t know.

If you can do this, and fix your grammar, you can easily reach more than an 8 with this story.
Standard you say. well I'm not satisfied with that. Lot to improve, I suppose. But in any case, after reading it what was your thought on continying the story? Like would you as a reader continue if you found the story?
 

ElijahRyne

Not that Lazy…
Joined
Aug 12, 2021
Messages
898
Points
133
Great advice! I will work on that.

Now you said you have read till chap 3. So can you expand a little bit more on those?
I agree with you that I should add a few more mc's thoughts but I wanted to keep it slightly mysterious but that said, I should still add some thoughts nonetheless. After all, readers don't have any reason to care without any connection to the mc.
And actually he didn't die, he was rather transported or zareth still doens't know about that. I mean he still doesn't have the realization that he was in another world in the chap 1. Initially I wanted to have the realization when he won against the fight with the noble. But now, he would first return from his extensive 'memory' and then realize.

Standard you say. well I'm not satisfied with that. Lot to improve, I suppose. But in any case, after reading it what was your thought on continying the story? Like would you as a reader continue if you found the story?
If you want my thoughts on the chapters, I liked the 3rd chapter the most, the second felt like it needed more context, the first felt a bit too rushed. All my criticisms apply to the 3 chapters, I just wanted to pull from the first to avoid too many spoilers. They were all, however good. I would contemplate reading, as standard, if it had more than 100,000 words or was completed, just like everything else. It has high enough quality that I would probably finish it.
 

2A1Z

Member
Joined
Sep 11, 2022
Messages
5
Points
16
This is awesome, I have 50 chapters now, BUTT am more than willing to go back and improve and fix things, and its nice to know how to improve going forward. Here's my story: Devour Heaven
Thanks in advance!
 

lumiel

Active member
Joined
Jan 16, 2020
Messages
21
Points
43
Would like to know your opinion about my work since this is my first time making a series on English online reading platform. So I expect there is a lot that can be improved in my writing. Hopefully it'll be the story that's inside your cup of tea.


Thank you very much.
 

Nocturnis66

Active member
Joined
Jan 14, 2023
Messages
50
Points
33
I will do my best to go through the first 1-3 chapters of your work. I will not give feedback on smut, it is just not my cup of tea nor my area of amateur expertise. I will also not review anything that glorifies the exploitation of children or people more generally, as in slavery, blackmail, and/or r*pe.

What will I do:
I will give the first couple of chapters a rank between 1-10. With 5 being average, 10 being perfect, and 1 being random nonsense.

I will do my best to suggest points of improvement. Be that dialogue, pacing, structure, etc. In general just ways to improve how the story reads, and ways to make it more eye catching. I am by no means a professional writer or editor so take my advice with a grain of salt. What qualifications do I have then? I like reading, I get through 100,000-200,000 words of reading a day, so I will probably see some things that readers like & dislike.

I am no editor though, so if your chapters are filled with bad grammar I will probably recommend an editor &/or grammar checker. I will, however point out smaller or more infrequent grammatical mistakes.

Potential biases in my reviews:
I use Text-to-speech to listen to what I read. This might make otherwise good passages that sound clunky when reading aloud be pointed out.

I am not that big of a fan of the adventure genre, it is not the worst but I have read enough of it to be quite board of it. I will do my best however not to let that sink into my reviews and feedback.

I am not really in to fanfics and drama, but the same rules as the adventure genera will apply.

I doubt I will see any of it, but I am not really a fan of malicious discrimination, be that based on race, sex, gender, or ability, nor am I a fan of the glorification of it. If said discrimination is used for a storytelling purpose then I won’t care. If it is showing the realities of a group, I will not care. If it is repeating N**i propaganda I probably will. So, depending on context, I might just drop that series with a short review.

This will probably be even rarer, but I will also probably not review propaganda of most organizations, political or otherwise, favorably.



With that being said, expect a review within 1-7 days, unless I kill the thread. The reviews will be between 3-50 sentences, and have fun!
Please give The Devil Assured Me a try!
It's the second image of the three you see in my signature
 
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