Does my story make sense?

[aliyanamu]

Greetings all travelers, nice to greet you landing on my post and nice to meet you!
It is my first time writing a novel so I know my story is still lacking in many aspects. The link is below :

Shattering Her Love Prophecies

In a lucid dream, it can be so magical to experience all sorts of possibilities. For me, nah. Do you know the feeling of watching your self confessing to a random person, moreover stranger at that? Well, it sounds trivial. But, what if it happens everytime you sleep? If you...

www.scribblehub.com

I really appreciate any feedback. For example, is my story understandable, is the plot or the character make sense, like that.
Sooo, please give me a review! Thank you!

 

[TwilightForest]

Greetings all travelers, nice to greet you landing on my post and nice to meet you!
It is my first time writing a novel so I know my story is still lacking in many aspects. The link is below :

Shattering Her Love Prophecies

In a lucid dream, it can be so magical to experience all sorts of possibilities. For me, nah. Do you know the feeling of watching your self confessing to a random person, moreover stranger at that? Well, it sounds trivial. But, what if it happens everytime you sleep? If you...

www.scribblehub.com

I really appreciate any feedback. For example, is my story understandable, is the plot or the character make sense, like that.
Sooo, please give me a review! Thank you!

Please improve the formatting of your paragraphs first.
Did you use the word 'unbeknownst'? It appears to be a rather uncommon choice of vocabulary.
It's only one small chapter, so it's still too early to comment on style, plot and chara development. Just keep on writing and posting~

 

[jinxs2011]

Please improve the formatting of your paragraphs first.
Did you use the word 'unbeknownst'? It appears to be a rather uncommon choice of vocabulary.
It's only one small chapter, so it's still too early to comment on style, plot and chara development. Just keep on writing and posting~

It would depend on the context. (note I haven't read it) If the word is used by a person of a high station (noble, from a rich family, etc) this is a perfectly good use of the word, as it would cause the speaker to sound more educated. I wouldn't commonly use it outside that context, but I wouldn't shy away from it either. While it may not be in common use, I would think that most people would know what it means, or be able to infer its meaning. Unbeknownst isn't exactly hard to decipher. As long as the reader knows the meaning of 'un' and 'know', they're good. And I think most native speakers of English know that much.

 

[Jemini]

It would depend on the context. (note I haven't read it) If the word is used by a person of a high station (noble, from a rich family, etc) this is a perfectly good use of the word, as it would cause the speaker to sound more educated. I wouldn't commonly use it outside that context, but I wouldn't shy away from it either. While it may not be in common use, I would think that most people would know what it means, or be able to infer its meaning. Unbeknownst isn't exactly hard to decipher. As long as the reader knows the meaning of 'un' and 'know', they're good. And I think most native speakers of English know that much.

Ok, you people are making me feel old. How do people not just know what "unbeknownst" means? It is not in common use, but you hear or read it at least once a month if you are into any kind of fantasy literature and I have known a lot of webnovelists who have used it in their writing. It also is said in the prologues to a lot of fantasy movies.

You also DO occasionally hear a person in real life who has picked it up from those sources wind up saying it, usually in the context of describing the plot to a movie or telling a story. So, yes, it is correct to say it is not in common use but it is common enough that it does come up and I had thought almost everyone would know that word.

At the OP though, I would say you also REALLY need to work on your synopsis. It's got a few places where it simply does not flow well and the word choice is a bit awkward. It is literally a synopsis that turns me off of the story and makes me not want to read it. It rounds in too much on this person having lucid dreams, confessing love, and then waking up in shock. It sounds pathetic to me. It also does not give me anything at all about what the actual story itself is about.

If the dream rejection is important, then do include it in the synopsis or else the readers will feel lied to. However, push it off into a corner and make it a foot note in the introduction. Maybe just one or two sentences at the start of the synopsis before you get into what the story is really about..

 

[aliyanamu]

These people above, thank you very much
I will write harder

 

[Pistachio]

Please improve the formatting of your paragraphs first.
Did you use the word 'unbeknownst'? It appears to be a rather uncommon choice of vocabulary.
It's only one small chapter, so it's still too early to comment on style, plot and chara development. Just keep on writing and posting~

I quite like to use unbeknownst too . I could use “unknown” but it’s not pretty to read for me

 

[TwilightForest]

I quite like to use unbeknownst too . I could use “unknown” but it’s not pretty to read for me

I thought so, friend. It gave the sentence a poetic touch.

 

[Pistachio]

So, I took a peek of your work @aliyanamu and I second @TwilightForest ’s message about really working on your synopsis because for me, it is confusing and frankly, I would never read a novel with that kind of synopsis. I know everyone here is not perfect but I at least hope that the works are readable.

Unfortunately, I can’t recommend a quicker way to fix this. My only advice is for you to read published works because the more you read the easier it is to create a paragraph that flows well. That’s the case for me anyway.

You have an interesting idea, the work now is how you execute it. Good luck!

 

[mrsimple]

This caught my attention, and since it is just a synopsis, so I took a quick peek too.

So, I took a peek of your work @aliyanamu and I second @TwilightForest ’s message about really working on your synopsis because for me, it is confusing and frankly, I would never read a novel with that kind of synopsis. I know everyone here is not perfect but I at least hope that the works are readable.

Unfortunately, I can’t recommend a quicker way to fix this. My only advice is for you to read published works because the more you read the easier it is to create a paragraph that flows well. That’s the case for me anyway.

You have an interesting idea, the work now is how you execute it. Good luck!

The story's synopsis:

In a lucid dream, it can be so magical to experience all sorts of possibilities. For me, nah.
Do you know the feeling of watching your self confessing to a random person, moreover stranger at that? Well, it sounds trivial.
But, what if it happens in every of your sleep? If you get a constant rejection, you will end up waking up shortly and barely sleep.
If not, you will experience a long deep sleep that it is so hard to force yourself to wake up.
What a useless trait! If it continues, how am I supposed to do my training?!!!

My little proofread:
1. "In a lucid dream, it can be so magical to experience all sorts of possibilities. For me, nah." <-- Rather than starting out with a statement that follows up with another, I feel like this should be questioning how magical lucid dreams could bring about an endless series of possibilities before sharing your protagonist's thoughts on the topic. This is just my opinion.
2. "...moreover a stranger at that?" <-- Just added an "a" to that.
3. "But, what if it happens in every of your sleep?" <-- Every what? Did you mean, "Every time you sleep?"
4. "If you constantly get rejected, you end up waking shortly after with barely a wink of sleep." <-- My style of rewriting that. Not a suggestive correction, but it is something to think about.
5. "If not, you will..." <-- If not what? You keep getting rejected, not getting any shuteye, and ya fall into a coma?
6. "What a useless trait!" <-- This sounds more like a curse to me.
7. "...how am I supposed to do my training?!!!" <-- Whatcha training for? That might hook some readers in if they knew what kind of character this protagonist is aspiring to become.

Ya don't have to change a thing. It's your call. Also, I'm no better at making sense of what I write too. I have plenty of examples of how I obstructed comprehension as a conversationalist, let alone a writer.

Nobody is perfect. If we were, then we'd never get any better.