Feedback on Master Craftsman.

[Azrie]

Well, I am the author of this novel I am looking for feedback in my novel. Whew. What an introduction! Anyways, the novel I am writing is a slice of life, adventure-themed. it is just meant to be a lighthearted story. What else? The first few chapters are in serious need of a re-write. Anyways that is all I wanted to share I guess. I have gotten a lot of feedback already but I would rather get it from someone that hasn't read it. However, any kind of feedback is welcome.

Anyways here is the link to the hyper long title that I created.

The Reincarnated Master Craftsman Just Wants To Live A Peaceful Life.

Kuro, filled with regret; having a promise to accomplish. At the border of death he makes a wish. Waking up in a familiar but unfamiliar world. I will make the best out of this life and be the best big sister! Wait... big sister? How did this happen! And worst...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Jemini]

I have been considering this series, but never quite got around to trying it out. I have built up a pattern of being a harsh but fair critic, and would gladly take a look. However, since you are another top rater, and a lot of people often find it difficult to critique the stories of top raters, I would like to ask for an exchange. (I would usually not have a problem with doing this without a condition, but I am asking because I think you would be a more likely person I could get a good response from which is why I am asking.) I am also thinking of re-writing a large portion of my series, just about everything in the first 30 chapters is on the slate for a re-write and I will be starting it as soon as I have some buffer chapters in place. So, if you can take a look at mine then I will definitely take a look at yours as well.

(Just... you can talk about chapter 22 if you want to, but you don't have to. I am very aware that's quite likely my worst chapter and I was not in my best state of mind when I wrote it. About the only thing that has stopped me from re-writing it already is because I knew I was going to be tackling the entire series at some point and figured I would just catch chapter 22 along the way.)

Second Life as the Sister of a Goddess

In his 60 years of life, he'd built up a good legacy and looked on to spending his later years quietly teaching his students the martial arts he'd cultivated over the years while working as a nurse for his day job. He'd long since saved enough for his retirement, but he...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[TwilightForest]

Well, I am the author of this novel I am looking for feedback in my novel. Whew. What an introduction! Anyways, the novel I am writing is a slice of life, adventure-themed. it is just meant to be a lighthearted story. What else? The first few chapters are in serious need of a re-write. Anyways that is all I wanted to share I guess. I have gotten a lot of feedback already but I would rather get it from someone that hasn't read it. However, any kind of feedback is welcome.

Anyways here is the link to the hyper long title that I created.

The Reincarnated Master Craftsman Just Wants To Live A Peaceful Life.

Kuro, filled with regret; having a promise to accomplish. At the border of death he makes a wish. Waking up in a familiar but unfamiliar world. I will make the best out of this life and be the best big sister! Wait... big sister? How did this happen! And worst...

www.scribblehub.com

I had a look at the prologue and the first chapter and they looked quite promising. I'll read the rest when I can manage some time.

I have been considering this series, but never quite got around to trying it out. I have built up a pattern of being a harsh but fair critic, and would gladly take a look. However, since you are another top rater, and a lot of people often find it difficult to critique the stories of top raters, I would like to ask for an exchange. (I would usually not have a problem with doing this without a condition, but I am asking because I think you would be a more likely person I could get a good response from which is why I am asking.) I am also thinking of re-writing a large portion of my series, just about everything in the first 30 chapters is on the slate for a re-write and I will be starting it as soon as I have some buffer chapters in place. So, if you can take a look at mine then I will definitely take a look at yours as well.

(Just... you can talk about chapter 22 if you want to, but you don't have to. I am very aware that's quite likely my worst chapter and I was not in my best state of mind when I wrote it. About the only thing that has stopped me from re-writing it already is because I knew I was going to be tackling the entire series at some point and figured I would just catch chapter 22 along the way.)

Second Life as the Sister of a Goddess

In his 60 years of life, he'd built up a good legacy and looked on to spending his later years quietly teaching his students the martial arts he'd cultivated over the years while working as a nurse for his day job. He'd long since saved enough for his retirement, but he...

www.scribblehub.com

You're planning a re-write? Why? It was already pretty good. I was hooked to your description of birth...
Such a mature style of writing isn't seen here often.

 

[Jemini]

You're planning a re-write? Why? It was already pretty good. I was hooked to your description of birth...
Such a mature style of writing isn't seen here often.

I said a re-write, not an overhaul. It will still keep good elements like that. I understand what you're saying that it's already pretty good, but when I look at my early chapters and compare them to my later chapters, especially the ones past chapter 30, I can see a pretty clear difference. Primarily, the earliest chapters didn't quite have enough direction. It was before I knew the overlying plot of the story as a whole, and it was mostly geared toward getting some ideas down and doing the world building. I would like to keep most of the same stuff, but try to get it a bit more concise and perhaps work in a little more direction to it.

(Plus, as I said, there are a few points such as chapter 22 that are just plain bad.)

We are likely also looking at a case of "you are you're own harshest critic." I am a harsh critic to others, why would you expect me to be anything different toward myself? I have also gotten little tips from people such as the first sounds a fetus comprehends is the heartbeat, not voices, so I definitely need a re-write in order to work in things like that. I also want to work out a few points where the narration essentially repeats the exact thing someone just said. Those are a few specific examples, I want to give this thing a little more of a professional shine. (Especially after looking up some videos posted by professional editors talking about some general tips, and realizing I had actually made a few of the errors they were talking about. Not as many as others, but enough to know I needed to re-work things a little.)

 

[TwilightForest]

I said a re-write, not an overhaul. It will still keep good elements like that. I understand what you're saying that it's already pretty good, but when I look at my early chapters and compare them to my later chapters, especially the ones past chapter 30, I can see a pretty clear difference. Primarily, the earliest chapters didn't quite have enough direction. It was before I knew the overlying plot of the story as a whole, and it was mostly geared toward getting some ideas down and doing the world building. I would like to keep most of the same stuff, but try to get it a bit more concise and perhaps work in a little more direction to it.

(Plus, as I said, there are a few points such as chapter 22 that are just plain bad.)

We are likely also looking at a case of "you are you're own harshest critic." I am a harsh critic to others, why would you expect me to be anything different toward myself? I have also gotten little tips from people such as the first sounds a fetus comprehends is the heartbeat, not voices, so I definitely need a re-write in order to work in things like that. I also want to work out a few points where the narration essentially repeats the exact thing someone just said. Those are a few specific examples, I want to give this thing a little more of a professional shine. (Especially after looking up some videos posted by professional editors talking about some general tips, and realizing I had actually made a few of the errors they were talking about. Not as many as others, but enough to know I needed to re-work things a little.)

Frankly speaking, I'm not at all a critic. I only read literary works where I like the general ambience and the characters are drawn in such a way that I can have a glimpse of their inner world. I liked the way you described things.

 

[Deleted member 9915]

Well, I am the author of this novel I am looking for feedback in my novel. Whew. What an introduction! Anyways, the novel I am writing is a slice of life, adventure-themed. it is just meant to be a lighthearted story. What else? The first few chapters are in serious need of a re-write. Anyways that is all I wanted to share I guess. I have gotten a lot of feedback already but I would rather get it from someone that hasn't read it. However, any kind of feedback is welcome.

Anyways here is the link to the hyper long title that I created.

The Reincarnated Master Craftsman Just Wants To Live A Peaceful Life.

Kuro, filled with regret; having a promise to accomplish. At the border of death he makes a wish. Waking up in a familiar but unfamiliar world. I will make the best out of this life and be the best big sister! Wait... big sister? How did this happen! And worst...

www.scribblehub.com

I'm a fan of crafting. My hobby is crafting aside from writing. Hence, my series is about Refining.

I would like to give a feedback but I cannot promise you a professional and detailed one. It's more like a comment of a reader than a critique. I'll see to it right away.

 

[Jemini]

Hooo... kaaay. I just finished reading up to the latest chapter, and... well... how much work are you planning and willing to put into this thing? Because, it is very far from professional grade and has a lot of room for improvement. It has plenty of charm to it, and I have definitely seen worse, but there are several areas that could be a lot better.

I would say you have a pretty strong premise. Your lore is fine, but your world building could use a little bit of re-tooling in order to make it better. Your characterization is the area that needs the most work. Right now, they feel more like tools for the author to tell a story and not so much like people, mostly because their reactions and opinions are a little unrealistic. They've got heart, they just don't seem to have brains.

Lacking in characterization skills is a difficult area to just improve on with a single suggestion. It's the kinda thing you go through entire workshops and repeated exercises in order to improve upon. Polishing your characterization skills is something that would take real involved work. The best way I know to do it is role playing. You do have some good material here, if you are willing to put in the work I would be happy to start up a role play in PM with you or something in order to sharpen up your skills in that area.

(I suggested a role play section for this board, and Tony agreed it sounded like a good idea, it just has yet to be implemented.)

 

[Azrie]

Hooo... kaaay. I just finished reading up to the latest chapter, and... well... how much work are you planning and willing to put into this thing? Because, it is very far from professional grade and has a lot of room for improvement. It has plenty of charm to it, and I have definitely seen worse, but there are several areas that could be a lot better.

I would say you have a pretty strong premise. Your lore is fine, but your world building could use a little bit of re-tooling in order to make it better. Your characterization is the area that needs the most work. Right now, they feel more like tools for the author to tell a story and not so much like people, mostly because their reactions and opinions are a little unrealistic. They've got heart, they just don't seem to have brains.

Lacking in characterization skills is a difficult area to just improve on with a single suggestion. It's the kinda thing you go through entire workshops and repeated exercises in order to improve upon. Polishing your characterization skills is something that would take real involved work. The best way I know to do it is role playing. You do have some good material here, if you are willing to put in the work I would be happy to start up a role play in PM with you or something in order to sharpen up your skills in that area.

(I suggested a role play section for this board, and Tony agreed it sounded like a good idea, it just has yet to be implemented.)

Well, I understand that and will keep it in mind.

I am currently reading yours however, I will need a few days. Chapters are pretty long and I don't have that much time. My first impressions are not that good... Too much monologue I don't get information at all. I get that he is a baby but it is just too much when you reach the 8k words of monologue and uneventfulness... I will keep reading but like I said in the little time I have had to read it, just my impression so far. I will send you a PM when I get up to date however, I am not very good at critiques so don't expect too much.

Something worth noting from the first chapter. It's weird how MC starts narrating on the past and then the events he narrated happen again. I read it in the middle of something so I might have missed something but that is pretty much the impression I got.

 

[Jemini]

Well, I understand that and will keep it in mind.

I am currently reading yours however, I will need a few days. Chapters are pretty long and I don't have that much time. My first impressions are not that good... Too much monologue I don't get information at all. I get that he is a baby but it is just too much when you reach the 8k words of monologue and uneventfulness... I will keep reading but like I said in the little time I have had to read it, just my impression so far. I will send you a PM when I get up to date however, I am not very good at critiques so don't expect too much.

Something worth noting from the first chapter. It's weird how MC starts narrating on the past and then the events he narrated happen again. I read it in the middle of something so I might have missed something but that is pretty much the impression I got.

Actually, those general impressions are way more helpful than you know. That definitely gives me something to consider.

EDIT: Actually, it would be troublesome if you only said something once you are caught up. I get the distinct feeling that if you got to the end you might have the series grow on you and not be able to give such a useful fresh impression as the one you just gave me here.

(I have had a little bit of a problem with retention. My writing style is kinda niche, not really for everyone, so there is a steep drop-off of readers after a certain point and everyone who stays are of the personality that belongs in this niche. They all love it, so I mostly only get praises. It would be very informative to hear from someone who is of the type that usually drops off from the series.)