Feedback on new published story - prologue

[ValarieValentinne]

Hi, to all. My name is Valarie Valentinne a new writer who wants to share with as my people, my disable relative's real life inspired novel.

Also this is my first time writing a novel so i apologise if there are errors.

I would love to hear from your feedback on the prologue.
check out link: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/651552/obsolete-humans/

Happy New Year 2023.

 

[twinning-the-blades]

Hello fellow December 30th joiner

I went and read the prologue, for me it is good. I'll just leave the feedback to the pros since I am not good at it, and I am new myself.

 

[ValarieValentinne]

Hello fellow December 30th joiner

I went and read the prologue, for me it is good. I'll just leave the feedback to the pros since I am not good at it, and I am new myself.

Thanks for the support. Much appreciated.

 

[Deleted member 54065]

Uh...honestly, I'm not an expert, but I do write stories.

So, well, I read your work and honestly, while I do find your story's premise interesting, I can't help but feel that I'm reading a 'setting' or an 'author's note' instead of an actual story or synopsis.

What are my solutions to this? First, try reading novels and observe on how authors narrate their story. Second, try to be consistent with your tenses. Most stories are written in past tense, with character dialogues and thoughts in present tense (for the reason that a person can't talk to another in past tense). If you want to attempt writing in present tense, then by all means, stick to it throughout the entire story. Third, try to put yourself in your characters' 'shoes', or at least, immerse yourself in your world. The writing style of the story felt like we (author and the readers) are outsiders observing the characters' actions, rather than getting involved with them (or closer to them).

Hope this feedback helps you.

 

[ValarieValentinne]

Thanks so much i will update my prologue. I also check out your prologue story. About time travel. Happy New Year

 

[Deleted member 54065]

Thanks so much i will update my prologue. I also check out your prologue story. About time travel. Happy New Year

Ah you don't have to. I just happen to see your post and decided to check it out.

Though in case you're interested, The Ballad of School Hallways is not my only story. My main work is titled: The Human Saint is Bored, so I was Summoned to Another World. You can see the links on my signature below my thread replies (if you're using a desktop computer, that is), if you wish to check out how I do my synopsis and prologues.