Feedback on Supercarrier

MagicKing

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Mar 19, 2019
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Feedback on this sci fi thingy My dream and purpose in life were being part of the incremental events that lead to the building of a space supercarrier!

Ok, so i'm throwing a lot of ideas into this and am far too inexperienced to actually write them well.

The narration thing i'm experimenting with has been fun so i want to know if there's anything that is unsettling about it? Like, parts that sound more like bad writing rather than quirky commentary.

Also my descriptions of stuff is quite lacking imo, i'm going for a mythological story but this is not an excuse for lazy writing so please call me out on it.
Apparent plotholes and stuff like that.

Also anything you may want to point out (y)

Thanks for reading.
 
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