Totally to your credit, that was the first thought that came to mind-- brain patterns that can create these fixatiosn. I can totally see a version of this that works if your flesh out the MC. If this chapter was more about your character and less about a journey up the mountain, I think it could be brilliant.Thank you for honest feedback! Honestly I am autistic, and I do this all the time. The phrase was stuck in my head when I started writing it, but it slowly developed into a story. Eventually it transitions into her wanting to wake a real sleeping giant. The obsession with the phrase comes from a childhood experience of hers, which doesn't show up for a while.
You're kind of a dick you know.Three would not keep readings. Not bad. Keep it up guys and back to basic ratings will be a thing of the past.
I don't think I would like a version that is more about the character in the opening chapter. The only things I wanted the reader to think from the opener was that she is weird/clumsy. There are things I could change though.Totally to your credit, that was the first thought that came to mind-- brain patterns that can create these fixatiosn. I can totally see a version of this that works if your flesh out the MC. If this chapter was more about your character and less about a journey up the mountain, I think it could be brilliant.
The difference between being a dick and being honest is paper thin. It's a matter of perspective. Between me, Lloyd, and Kusa, I'm proud to say I'm the honest one.You're kind of a dick you know.
Your synopsis is clear and concise, and it gives a good overview of the main characters, the plot, and the tone of your story. It also sets the expectations for the readers about what to expect and what not to expect from your story.Thank you for this thread. I'd love to hear feedback on Chapter 0 of my story.
I wouldn't call someone biased toward works posted in RR a dick you know. He had a point, well, kinda. Outside of Erys/Leti/Mello's work, the story reviewed here that wasn't also posted in RR had lower quality. I would also say most of them had no idea online spelling/grammar checking tools were a thing. That you actually bothered reading and reviewing them said something about your character. You are a good person, don't let a dick ruin your day!You're kind of a dick you know.
Thank you for this thread. I'd love to hear feedback on Chapter 0 of my story.
My good friend/enemy (frenemy?) @SailusGebel would like to say something to you. Was the system really necessary? I felt as if it nothing would change if you removed it. That it wouldn't be distracting the story was also a bonus. You wouldn't have to keep track of the stats and numbers!Overall, the only thing I would warn is that the writing could probably be improved by a bit more editing. The sentence construction could be improved and the length of some sentences could be trimmed. But then again, when you're still in the process of learning the craft, it's better to be a bit sloppy rather than not be writing at all.
They are also Anon and Aaqil.Erys/Leti/Mello
Novel: Have a systemMy good friend/enemy (frenemy?) @SailusGebel would like to say something to you.
This is a critique thread for authors to get feedback for their work. It solely exists to be helpful. Anyone can apply regardless of experience or skill level. You didn't waste my time, you used my time specifically for what it was intended for.So as someone with the worst review in this thread, please let me give my opinion on this matter for the first and maybe tha last time.
I have clearly misunderstood this whole thing. I found this site (SH) through a referral from novelupdates some months ago, where i spent countless of hours reading fan translated and non-edited Machine translated asian novels. That was my standard, I thought this was a place where hobbyist just shared their stories to each other they wrote for fun after an 8 hour workday, so did I.
I didn't know that you were looking at this review topic from a more professional standpoint whereas I just thought of "just getting a second opinion." I'm neither native speaker, nor an experienced writer after all. Of course this doesn't mean i don't want to improve myself.
@TheTrinary After checking your yt channal i can see now that you take this very seriously. So I'm sorry for wasting your time. And thank you for your unfiltered opinion from your professional standpoint.
@Oreo Thank you for your advice, I will keep writing. But it feels unrewarding if you don't share it, so I'm sorry, I will also keep posting.
@RebelLion Not sure you if that's, what you intended. But i Felt like you stood up for the back to the basics gang. So Thank you.
Last but not least, thank you all for reading my opinion.
Kaze out.
Perhaps you should consider putting a warning in the main page like what Sailus does in his thread to avoid misunderstandings. It let people know what to expect. Just a suggestion.This is a critique thread for authors to get feedback for their work. It solely exists to be helpful. Anyone can apply regardless of experience or skill level. You didn't waste my time, you used my time specifically for what it was intended for.
It's just like what Zakuro and TheTrinary said.Can you give examples from the first chapter? Especially of run on sentences.
Call me a dick, but I don't see why this comment offends you.You're kind of a dick you know.Three would not keep readings. Not bad. Keep it up guys and back to basic ratings will be a thing of the past.
@Oreo Thank you for your advice, I will keep writing. But it feels unrewarding if you don't share it, so I'm sorry, I will also keep posting.
I kind of lumped all all the negative comments together when reading that. Two, I don't know how you read that without extreme sarcasm.It's just like what Zakuro and TheTrinary said.
I used online tools to spot the flaws of your story after the first paragraph made me lost interest. The least I can do for you is that.
Sorry if I can't be helpful.
Call me a dick, but I don't see why this comment offends you.
If anything, I was a bigger dick because I was the one who first made the comparison between SH and RR authors.
For that, I am sorry. I don't know it will escalate to this.
I will stop commenting on your thread if it make you uncomfortable.
I shouldn't be here on the first place. This is your feedback thread, after all.
Words of advice: Don't take everything in SH too seriously.
That's the spirit! You will not know if you have improved or not if you don't have someone else read your story.
Another important skill to learn is to grow a thick skin. Some critiques can be harsh and unforgiving, but they are worth it!
Try to remember the reason you started writing whenever you feel like giving up.
Rating: Middle of the Road so Would Not Keep Reading.Thank you for this thread. I'd love to hear feedback on Chapter 0 of my story.
I just looked at Spacebattles and Sufficient Velocity. Unless I missed it, they only have the forum side of things, with stories posted as threads. I like the author dashboards that ScribbleHub and Royal Road provide so will just stick with these for now. I'll keep the other two in mind though.Your plans for posting your chapters seem reasonable and realistic. You could also try posting on different platforms or forums to reach a wider audience and get more exposure. I can see it's already on Royal Road. Good job. If you're more serious about writing, you can try posting it on Spacebattles and Sufficient Velocity.
Yes, chapter 0 is very much meant to be a teaser without dwelling too much on where the monsters are coming from or who is fighting them.Your chapter 0 still feels like a draft and a bit like a teaser, but it still managed to be very entertaining. You have some good ideas and an interesting plot in there. It only needs more context. This is fine, however, since the story is currently in draft mode and you're still in the process of learning to write and edit. I expect the chapters to get better and better as you continue to learn and refine your writing skills.
Overall, the only thing I would warn is that the writing could probably be improved by a bit more editing. The sentence construction could be improved and the length of some sentences could be trimmed. But then again, when you're still in the process of learning the craft, it's better to be a bit sloppy rather than not be writing at all.
So to touch on my first good point, you have the right stuff there structurally, but it lost me in terms of the content, sometimes.
Example: Nakedness. You point out the fact, elaborate on it in a way that makes sense to indicate her feelings on the matter and even a change on those feelings. AND THEN there's this weird detour where you use it as a way to talk about her public relations. It starts with: Still, she was glad that this high up on a butte in the Nevada desert, there weren’t any people around. My first though is that she's on this military operation, so of course. But then the bigger is you is that it undercuts the entire purpose of the previous information. You directly state that nudity is inconsequential, but then you go on to explain why it is consequential, and you do it in a way that vague and besides the point.
Second issue: Foundation. You throw us into the action, and I have no clue what is going on. Media res works to the extent that the audience can understand a conflict. The Dark Knight. First shot bank robbery. I know what a bankrobbery is and I understand the scene from literally the first second. Criminals want money, are going to steal it. Great.
Here we have systems, and military, and sci-fi. It's so detached from reality that I just start assuming it's a video game. But then, you have real world signifiers. The writer is telling me this is the real world by saying Nevada.
As a writer, you need to communicate with your reader. You need to understand what expectations are being set up by each sentence. Action scenes, especially as an opener, only function based on your readers expectations-- wether that be characters, stakes, or even story beats.
Rating: Would Not Keep Reading
RATING: Would Not Keep ReadingWould like u to review my first novel I don’t know what to think of it.
My novel totally not a isekai novel
Hope u enjoy it or Atleast give me some criticism.
Chapter 1 (Not Prologue). RATING: Back To BasicsSo..here it goes..
Thank you very much