Free First Chapter Feedback

TheTrinary

TheTrinary

Hi, I'm Stephen
Joined
Nov 23, 2020
Messages
607
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108
UPDATE: Be sure to check out my other thread and my Youtube channel: https://forum.scribblehub.com/threads/looking-for-things-to-review.6228/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUJHTBWLa93g8k9SAXCgSzw

So I saw this done elsewhere and thought it would be fun.


If anyone wants to volunteer, I'll read your very first chapter (not prologue or anything else) and based solely on that I'll give a quick opinion on whether or not I'd continue reading the entire work. It's like a mini review for the first chapter and the ability to hook the audience!

I can make no guarantees with how contemporaneous it will be, but I'll try and stay up with this thread the best I can.

And if it seems I missed you on the review, just send me a message. There's a lot of stuff and it's entirely possible I could accidently skip someone.


Since this thread has become pretty prolific, I figured I'd make a best of the best list. My personal favorite three starting chapters are:

1. Caninstinct https://www.scribblehub.com/series/62445/caninstinct/
2. Ange'ls Dirge https://www.scribblehub.com/series/229892/angels-dirge/
3. Queensmen https://www.scribblehub.com/series/163971/queensmen/
4. Hive https://www.scribblehub.com/series/334266/hive/
 
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Freesia.Cutepearl

Freesia.Cutepearl

Nonsensically Weird while Weirdly Nonsensical
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Aug 24, 2020
Messages
288
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Quick! Someone write a 100k word first chapter and post it!
 
TheTrinary

TheTrinary

Hi, I'm Stephen
Joined
Nov 23, 2020
Messages
607
Points
108
heheawecomemana

heheawecomemana

New member
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Dec 2, 2020
Messages
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3
TheTrinary said:
I'm going to have to say no, I would not keep on reading. There are some really good parts about it that are strong in terms of prose and voice, but it also reads like a first draft. There's a lot of errors and you frequently switch tenses between past and present which I personally find horribly annoying to read.
Click to expand...
Hehe...sigh grammar is not my strong point :blob_pat_sad: I've edited it like 5x already LOL but thanks for reading! I will continue to try to edit it more xD
 
TheTrinary

TheTrinary

Hi, I'm Stephen
Joined
Nov 23, 2020
Messages
607
Points
108
K5Rakitan said:
If you're OK with mature stories, I'd like to toss mine in.
Click to expand...

While I can say this isn't the thing I would enjoy, I would imagine if that was the kind of niche I was in to, I would keep reading. It's competently written and has some unique hooks I wasn't expecting. Really, my only real complaint was the first few paragraphs being boring and kind of nothing. Because of that I was pleasantly surprised by the rest.

So yes.

Also that picture adds some nice production value. That's a nice touch.
 
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Freesia.Cutepearl

Freesia.Cutepearl

Nonsensically Weird while Weirdly Nonsensical
Joined
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Messages
288
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Seriously, I might have, but I really don't know how well a single chapter can reflect anything, especially since I feel my earlier work is worse than I can do now, compounded by the fact I'm not really sure if the first chapter even makes sense without the prologue. The prologue writing is probably better too. Really I just want to rewrite the first several chapters whenever I think too much >.> Eventually I'll manage it.
 
TheTrinary

TheTrinary

Hi, I'm Stephen
Joined
Nov 23, 2020
Messages
607
Points
108
Freesia.Cutepearl said:
Seriously, I might have, but I really don't know how well a single chapter can reflect anything, especially since I feel my earlier work is worse than I can do now, compounded by the fact I'm not really sure if the first chapter even makes sense without the prologue. The prologue writing is probably better too. Really I just want to rewrite the first several chapters whenever I think too much >.> Eventually I'll manage it.
Click to expand...
Yea. The idea really focused on that idea of a "hook". Everyone wants their first chapter to hook people in and keep them reading, so I'm just trying to answer that. Would I keep reading based on your first chapter alone.
 
TheTrinary

TheTrinary

Hi, I'm Stephen
Joined
Nov 23, 2020
Messages
607
Points
108
jabathehut

jabathehut

Resident Troll
Joined
May 10, 2020
Messages
236
Points
58
TheTrinary said:
So I saw this done elsewhere and thought it would be fun.


If anyone wants to volunteer, I'll read your very first chapter (not prologue or anything else) and based solely on that I'll give a quick opinion on whether or not I'd continue reading the entire work. It's like a mini review for the first chapter and the ability to hook the audience!

I can make no guarantees with how contemporaneous it will be, but I'll try and stay up with this thread the best I can.
Click to expand...
Gimme

www.scribblehub.com

Dungeon Darwinism

Ms. Benett needed groceries. Mark liked to help his community. She was an old friend of his family from church. Not that he went much anymore, since college, and moving away. Its just not the same since coming back. But he still helps where he can. A long night working....
www.scribblehub.com www.scribblehub.com

My first two chapters are way too slow, I wanna add an in media res but I want to add an in media res of a scene from like chapter 20-30 and I'm not sure how it will shake out yet.
 
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