I would gladly hear your opinion on my beginning.
Return of Magic, Ascendance of the Old Blood. | Scribble Hub
Thank you very much for your time.
Yea that was solid, would read on.
*If you have time I would appreciate some feedback on the actual first chapter. XD
Another good one. Would read on.
The framing device is a little odd but it reads fine I guess. Honestly, I just think its that first person past tense is so odd.
And I was a little confused because I just assumed they were
mermaids based on the cover. Which I'm pretty sure they're not? Really weird mermaids if they are.
By the world, I see you have a quite high patience stat. Anyway, if you or anyone wants to give me a feedback for my
First chap, I would gladly listen (I mean, read) it. I can also read and give my humble opnion of your work first chap.
Mmm this is a weird one because the prose is smooth and works. I'm leaning towards no though.
Like I said well written enough. But I think the issue arises with your presentation of prologue/ first chapter. It's an issue of structure from top to bottom. You start out with a full page of two of just pure exposition. This is pretty off putting, and while I didn't read the prologue(s) as part of this read-through, it seems very odd to me to start out with so much exposition AFTER three separate prologues. You are asking so much from reader.
In that same vein, your introduction to the MC and everything along with that is. . . thin. In terms of story and hook this is true as well. Thumbing through the prologue, that seems to be the real introduction.
So basically what I'm saying is that you aren't using prologues correctly. They should be skippable and disconnected from the main story. Sure they add stuff and can set the scene or whatever, but whatever you include in your 1st chapter should be able to be understood completely separately from that prologue.
I don't normally do this, but I thumbed a bit more through the prologues to give a better critique. Honestly, I think you just need to restructure and reframe what you have. It would work much better in a different context.
And if you want to give me feedback on my stuff that'd be great. Syche is shiny and doesn't really need critisms. Every word is pretty much what I want for the first chapter. But then my second work, Reaper's Game, is a real mess and any critique would be hugely appreciated.