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[DevilPogoStick]

The Kaimon Tales!

These are the tales of the proud and strange folks of Kaimon, Japan. Join Maxtaro, Kyoko, and many more as they go through the strange adventure known as life! Cover art by Hanawa-SS!

www.scribblehub.com

Honestly silly and a bit ridiculous rifed with grammar issues but does set the tone of this series. Enjoy.

 

[K5Rakitan]

While I can say this isn't the thing I would enjoy, I would imagine if that was the kind of niche I was in to, I would keep reading. It's competently written and has some unique hooks I wasn't expecting. Really, my only real complaint was the first few paragraphs being boring and kind of nothing. Because of that I was pleasantly surprised by the rest.

So yes.

Also that picture adds some nice production value. That's a nice touch.

Thanky <3

 

[OkuraTsukiko]

My New Life As The Mafia Lord’s Wife

'So this is what I have to go through?' The girl said as the man with Golden-Amber eyes pinned her against the wall. 'In exchange for one of my trusted men's life, you must return the favor with yours. Don't try to avoid this, we both know well what...

www.scribblehub.com

Please do

 

[TheTrinary]

Gimme

Dungeon Darwinism

Ms. Benett needed groceries. Mark liked to help his community. She was an old friend of his family from church. Not that he went much anymore, since college, and moving away. Its just not the same since coming back. But he still helps where he can. A long night working....

www.scribblehub.com

My first two chapters are way too slow, I wanna add an in media res but I want to add an in media res of a scene from like chapter 20-30 and I'm not sure how it will shake out yet.

I'm going to say yes for your first chapter, by a hair. It really gets by on atmosphere and the quality of your descriptive powers alone. There's some really good word choice there even if some sentences are rough. And I'd say the best thing you managed to do is just take a location description and make that interesting on its own.

 

[TheTrinary]

The Kaimon Tales!

These are the tales of the proud and strange folks of Kaimon, Japan. Join Maxtaro, Kyoko, and many more as they go through the strange adventure known as life! Cover art by Hanawa-SS!

www.scribblehub.com

Honestly silly and a bit ridiculous rifed with grammar issues but does set the tone of this series. Enjoy.

Sorry but no. The grammar is pretty bad like you said, but even beyond that there's nothing really to hook me. You start out with the MC waking up. That alone is probably single most overdone and all around worst way to start your story. And then you have one of your characters towards the end even say "that was anticlimactic" which kind of sums up my feelings.

 

[TheTrinary]

My New Life As The Mafia Lord’s Wife

'So this is what I have to go through?' The girl said as the man with Golden-Amber eyes pinned her against the wall. 'In exchange for one of my trusted men's life, you must return the favor with yours. Don't try to avoid this, we both know well what...

www.scribblehub.com

Please do

Sorry this is a no from me. The only real hook here is the last few sentences where we find out she is the daughter of a mafioso. . . but that's in the title of the work so its not like a twist or anything. The only interesting thing in this chapter we already know. Not to mention, the character themselves doesn't seem very interesting; they could be literally any normal going about their life. You would think their experience with the mafia would make them more interesting and change. . . something.

Outside of all this, the grammar isn't great, and you have a unique writing problem where you just constantly contradict yourself. The main character says they want to be younger, but then not really. There are all these cool gangs on the street and you go in depth describing them, but then apparently they don't exist anymore.

 

[OkuraTsukiko]

Sorry this is a no from me. The only real hook here is the last few sentences where we find out she is the daughter of a mafioso. . . but that's in the title of the work so its not like a twist or anything. The only interesting thing in this chapter we already know. Not to mention, the character themselves doesn't seem very interesting; they could be literally any normal going about their life. You would think their experience with the mafia would make them more interesting and change. . . something.

Outside of all this, the grammar isn't great, and you have a unique writing problem where you just constantly contradict yourself. The main character says they want to be younger, but then not really. There are all these cool gangs on the street and you go in depth describing them, but then apparently they don't exist anymore.

I see,

Well thanks for the feedback

 

[jabathehut]

I'm going to say yes for your first chapter, by a hair. It really gets by on atmosphere and the quality of your descriptive powers alone. There's some really good word choice there even if some sentences are rough. And I'd say the best thing you managed to do is just take a location description and make that interesting on its own.

nice Pog DD taking the W

 

[TheTrinary]

nice PogO DD taking the W

I'm going to assume that's a good thing because I have no idea what you said.

 

[Discount_Blade]

- #0.1 | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

Story doesn't really kick in until chapter 2. My chapter one is mostly an introductory into bits and pieces of the MC's personality. But eh

 

[TachimeSan]

Don't mind if I do ehehehe~~

Transmigrated Into Another World: Aim to be the Noblewoman’s Butler

A fast-paced fantasy Isekai story that deals with politics, romance, wars, and conspiracies. Follow the story of Larc, a personal butler (pet?) of a young noble girl, as he deals with various problems and tries to stay away from further trouble, all the while trying to stay alive in this...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[DevilPogoStick]

Sorry but no. The grammar is pretty bad like you said, but even beyond that there's nothing really to hook me. You start out with the MC waking up. That alone is probably single most overdone and all around worst way to start your story. And then you have one of your characters towards the end even say "that was anticlimactic" which kind of sums up my feelings.

That's okay. I'm just glad you gave it a chance.

 

[jabathehut]

I'm going to assume that's a good thing because I have no idea what you said.

yes it is

 

[BenJepheneT]

So I saw this done elsewhere and thought it would be fun.


If anyone wants to volunteer, I'll read your very first chapter (not prologue or anything else) and based solely on that I'll give a quick opinion on whether or not I'd continue reading the entire work. It's like a mini review for the first chapter and the ability to hook the audience!

I can make no guarantees with how contemporaneous it will be, but I'll try and stay up with this thread the best I can.

I'll fucking take it.

Caninstinct

Shiro believes he's been sent to the wrong school. Rormund Academy: home to only the best of the best. A school so exclusive even its name remains elusive to the public. An establishment where only the wealthiest, smartest, and most athletic students of the world reside. Shiro exhibits none of...

www.scribblehub.com

A wolf kicks shit and then gets his shit kicked in. Good shit.

 

[Discount_Blade]

I'll fucking take it.

Caninstinct

Shiro believes he's been sent to the wrong school. Rormund Academy: home to only the best of the best. A school so exclusive even its name remains elusive to the public. An establishment where only the wealthiest, smartest, and most athletic students of the world reside. Shiro exhibits none of...

www.scribblehub.com

A wolf kicks shit and then gets his shit kicked in. Good shit.

You bastard.....start impregnating yourself with more chapters you damned whore!! Immediately!!

 

[BenJepheneT]

You bastard.....start impregnating yourself with more chapters you damned whore!! Immediately!!

Ight new chapter tonight

 

[TheTrinary]

- #0.1 | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

Story doesn't really kick in until chapter 2. My chapter one is mostly an introductory into bits and pieces of the MC's personality. But eh

First, what is your avatar? Someone else has the exact one and it confused me so much at first. Is it from something?

And then as far as my first chapter impressions, it's pretty much what you said yourself. Its nicely written with some personality, but there's really not a whole lot going on and I'm not sure the random unicorn(?) at the end is enough of a hook to keep me interested. So it's a no from me.

 

[TheTrinary]

Don't mind if I do ehehehe~~

Transmigrated Into Another World: Aim to be the Noblewoman’s Butler

A fast-paced fantasy Isekai story that deals with politics, romance, wars, and conspiracies. Follow the story of Larc, a personal butler (pet?) of a young noble girl, as he deals with various problems and tries to stay away from further trouble, all the while trying to stay alive in this...

www.scribblehub.com

Gotta say no. Primarily, there's really nothing that happens. Its just a bunch of people walking around and I have absolutely no idea what the story is supposed to be or will it could go based on the first chapter. Also there are some weird writing things like "He said", "She said" type words that writers use to denote who is talking, but yours are in completely different paragraphs from the quotes, so I had to reread parts several times to even figure out what was going on.

 

[TheTrinary]

I'll fucking take it.

Caninstinct

Shiro believes he's been sent to the wrong school. Rormund Academy: home to only the best of the best. A school so exclusive even its name remains elusive to the public. An establishment where only the wealthiest, smartest, and most athletic students of the world reside. Shiro exhibits none of...

www.scribblehub.com

A wolf kicks shit and then gets his shit kicked in. Good shit.

So to start, I was horribly confused for most of it and while competent, I think a lot of the prose and attempts at artistic merit really didn't work. With all that said, the confusion ended up being really engaging in its own right and the whole structure and back and forth was really really interesting and exciting.

So that's a big yes. It's my favorite thing I've read so far doing this.

 

[Discount_Blade]

First, what is your avatar? Someone else has the exact one and it confused me so much at first. Is it from something?

And then as far as my first chapter impressions, it's pretty much what you said yourself. Its nicely written with some personality, but there's really not a whole lot going on and I'm not sure the random unicorn(?) at the end is enough of a hook to keep me interested. So it's a no from me.

Dude is copying my Avi for some reason. Dunno why. It's my fav anime character of all time. Mugen from Samurai Champloo.

And the first chapter is not even half as long as every chapter following it. Deciding whether to continue something on a single chapter alone isnt particularly wise since professionals allow for 10 pages before making a decision. But thanks for the praise on the personality parts.