Eh, why not? The zeroth/first chapter is technically split into 3 parts, but for your purposes, you can likely treat the very first installment as the first chapter.
Would not keep reading.
This is probably the most high effort thing I've ever given a thumbs down to, but that in itself is sort of the problem here. It's completely overwritten. Not like Sound and the Fury overwritten, but overwritten in an abjectly contradictory sense. If you told me this was a parody, I'd believe it.
So not only do you fail to present the in world terminology in a naturalistic way to the point that you have to include a glossary, but you do it inconsistently. "Vyuta and Osedka plena". I got in context those were stars and moons, but what is plena? Why explain your world building in some parts but not in others? I ideally, you don't do it at all. I'm thinking of a book like Hyperion where it is ostensibly goblty gook at first but by the end of the book it all makes sense and the reader has basically learned another language. That's not what's going on here. Your confusion stems from opaque world building that is inconsistent.
And oh boy is it inconsistent. Let's set aside the glossary terms for now. Why does your narrator start speaking French? I thought this was a fantasy world with a fantasy lexicon. But then they start speaking French. So which is it? Is this a fantasy book or are you doing something literary– writing the friggen Ulysses.
And that's more important than it's initial issue, because when you throw in something like Osedka plena and dont explain it at all like you do other terms, now I'm thinking that it's a reference to real life and I'm googling and finding nothing. And that's the whole story really. There's a complete contrast with how you want to tell the story and the elements of said story.
Why are they talking about themselves in first person? Because you wanted to tell it that way. It's in no way justified.
Other parts are inconsistent. There is a noticeable shift in your narrator's speech pattern around the part where they introduced themselves. That's weird.
And I could go on and on but you get the point. You are fundamentally an amazing writer in terms of prose and your ability to craft sentences, but. . . . You're a big ole dummy in story telling. You include things at random because you feel like it or because you've seen it done and you haven't made an effort to understand WHY authors use those elements in a story. It's well and good and all if you're just making something because you like it, but if someone else is going to read it you need to actively examine your choices and decide what you're communicating by making them.
I'll bite. I've just joined the site and am currently planning about 2k words a week:
Would not keep reading.
There's no huge critique to give here, just that it didn't really hook me in any way. It's a perfectly acceptable web novel.
If you could check out mine that would be great.
Mixed feelings here.
So there's a lot that I like story wise and it has real promise there. My conflict comes in the presentation. The writing is rough and you have a particular issue with holding to the correct tense. Less of a complaint, but other areas are weak prose-wise with some weird issues and weak writing.
It's also quite long at almost 7k words. For something that looks like a webnovel, reads like a webnovel, and it's weakest point is prose, that's too long for me. You're asking a lot from the audience without making it easy on them.
So anyway, I think this is the sort of thing that got cleaned up and punched up that I'd like very much. It's something that very much feels like a rough draft.
A feedback would be great!
Business Devil, World's mightiest, God of War, King of humanity All of these are the titles of Lucas, the king standing at the Earth's apex. Wealth? He holds 68% of Earth's total assets granting him the title of 'Business Devil'. Authority? He was granted a level of Authority that no one...
The prose isn't the worst thing ever but you have serious issues with tense, and the general construction and phrasing of your sentences is pretty awkward. It's one of those stories where I read about five paragraphs before putting it down. Really good story telling can overcome bad writing on rare occasions, but they were about equivalent at where I was.