Free First Chapter Feedback

[ChessN]

I'd love to get some feedback too. https://www.scribblehub.com/series/447424/my-purpose/

 

[bokhi]

Is this still open? If so, I'd appreciate it if you could take a look at The Stormcrow Cycle. Thanks! (If not, I still thank you for your support toward the writing community!)

 

[BornInAbyss]

I'd love to get your feedback on my first chapter. :) World Of Dawn - Prologue | Scribble Hub

 

[TheTrinary]

First time writer here. Any feedback would be appreciated!

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/445765/necromancer-kaius/

Would not keep reading.

On a basic salesmenship level, I don't want to read about Covid in any capacity. In any form. Books, news articles, movies. It's obviously personal preference, but that alone is enough to make me say nope immediately.

But on to the substance of what we have here: The writing is very. . . juvenille. It feels like something out of elementary school. Like I'm reminded of fifth grade writing assignment where I basically just rewrote the three little pigs. Let's just go over it.

1. Everyone cheered at the arrival of the new year. Bright laughter rang through the air, as people continued to enjoy the New Year’s celebrations.

2. Suddenly, blue portals that were 5 meters tall began to appear everywhere in the world.

3. At first, people were curious at the appearance of these gigantic portals. 4. However, that curiosity quickly turned into fear as zombies began pouring out from some portals, while hideous beasts charged out from other portals.

At the same time, a monotone voice sounded inside everyone’s head.

[System Start Successful. Beginning registering players…]

[Registration successful. 7.8 billion players registered.]

5. However, nobody paid attention to this monotone voice as everyone was too busy frantically running away.

1. Good

2. Not only is it whiplash inducing, but it's also presented so flatly. The writer way of doing it would be to focus on the scene you set up and then build up the portals: "In the city square, with the electric energy in the air, the crowd barely noticed the faintest tear in reality. A blue, pinky sized light poked out above their head before slowly widening into a gaping maw.

3. Same as #2. You aren't telling a story. It's like you are dismissively giving us bullet points about something that happened. Except you don't care about what happened and are being forced to tell us.

4. Once again– whiplash. It feels like improv. And then portals. And then zombies. And then, and then, and then. It's also an awkward sentence.

5. Why is this even here? The concept of the scene is solid. Monsters attack a group of people while some presence heralds. . . something. But then you take time out of your story and the action to point out that the things you have thus described are being ignored. This adds nothing to your story. It actively undermines what you're written. And while yes, some people wouldn't notice, as an human with a functioning brain, I could put that together myself if I wanted to think about it. You can have implications you don't describe, and you probably shouldn't describe those if contradicts with a scene's purpose.​

I might as well try this here try reading mine. https://www.scribblehub.com/series/...protect-what-i-was-unable-to-do-as-a-brother/

I'll start it off with a compliment, in that you have something rather genius here in the opening sentence. The description of "dead fish" was so good and would be a banger of an opening in the right kind of professional work.

But uh. Yeah. I'm assuming that's an accident. You need to work on your fundamentals first off. Clarity. It's really hard to read.

I'd love to get some feedback too. https://www.scribblehub.com/series/447424/my-purpose/

Would not keep reading.

I don't know how constructive I can be here unfortunately. It's just kind of. . . not up to the quality it needs to be. Uniformly so.

Is this still open? If so, I'd appreciate it if you could take a look at The Stormcrow Cycle. Thanks! (If not, I still thank you for your support toward the writing community!)

You goof. I already did an extensive write up on this because I thought it was close to professional quality but not quite there.

I'd love to get your feedback on my first chapter. :) World Of Dawn - Prologue | Scribble Hub

Would not keep reading.

I think it has solid bones in theory, but I also think you need to cut about half and punch up the second half. For example. . . .

The day the earth stopped for me, I began a journey. There were still so many unanswered questions, and I finally needed answers. I was twenty-four years old, and my name was Aramoto Kakumo. It was very unthinkable for me to be able to leave my terrible past behind me.

What does this add. It's a bunch of vagaries and we only learn his name. And then paragraph 2:

These beings took everything away from me. My home, friends, and family were all murdered before my eyes.

Good. These are real things that we can understand. Maybe write that up, add more and flesh it out.

And that's pretty much it. If I was line editing this, I'd cross out half of this with a red pen, and then other half I'd write "More".

 

[ChessN]

Would not keep reading.

I don't know how constructive I can be here unfortunately. It's just kind of. . . not up to the quality it needs to be. Uniformly so.

Thanks for the feedback. I guess I need to start over then.

 

[finalrealms]

Now, this is great!
Allow me to make a short introduction of myself. I'm from Malaysia, and English was my second language.
I'm curious as I want to know how my Final Realms will be for you?

 

[TheTrinary]

Now, this is great!
Allow me to make a short introduction of myself. I'm from Malaysia, and English was my second language.
I'm curious as I want to know how my Final Realms will be for you?

Would not keep reading.

The prose itself is fine i n places. When you have a good second English writer, I find that there's a lot of flourish (unintentionally or not) that adds some artistry to the phrasing and how they view the world. You manage that at some points. In other points, yeah, it reads like ESL.

Don't use the word facial.

The issue in chapter one is the overall presentation and story telling. First off, chapter 1 feels like a prologue. You kind of just absently tell the reader all this information. X happened. And then Y happened. The human race did Z. That's hardly an engaging way to get information across. Not to say it can't work, but it falls apart when your explanation hinges on information that the reader just. . . doesn't know. At the point that you started talking about god's strength", I was lost.

You decided to just explain things instead of narrate a story, and I'm still lost because your exposition.

And then when we cut back to the narrative. . . it just seems like normal school life. There's nothing in text that even evokes the world you've spent so much effort into building.

So there's basically a lot clashing with it's self here in both style and substance.

 

[KaiArgenti]

Let's just go over some things.


Cael. It was the region to the south, largely incorporated with the vast scenery of the canyons. 1) At some point, I forgot about its existence until the moment I rose from within that fortress. 2) The final clue to the whereabouts of my missing family was finally revealed. 3) Cynicism often spurred from time to time, but I had to go there. To that Kingdom.

4) At first, I was carefully looking out to the citizens and the many buildings inside of it. 5) Whenever I am communicating with different people, the thought of my family's whereabouts sometimes leaks out in my mind, but they always reply with an immediate "I don't know about that person".

In Order:

1) Just kind of nonsensical. Take "at some point" out. And otherwise I feel like it lacks grounding. You technically can 'rise from within a fortress' but it sounds goofy without context. Also "That". What is that fortress? Cael isn't a fortress. Or is Cael not the region? Then you have juxtaposition issues.

Try: It stood in the region to the south, largely incorporated into the vast canyons– Cael. I forgot about its existence until the very second I dusted myself off from within that (adjective) fortress.

2) Huh. Too vague. I was about to discover or I had discovered. The lack of agency in the verb makes it feel like we're discussing something already established.

3)No clue. What kingdom? You keep saying "that thing" without establishing what it is. Is Cynicism the kingdom? Is it Cael? If Cynicism is a feeling, what does it have to do with anything.

4) Once again, lack of foundation. The last thing you were talking about was a kingdom which the VP clearly wasn't in. Are we back to the fortress? I guess fortresses can have villages in them, but maybe you should describe that and set the scene better because even that isn't clear.

5) Tommy Wisseau levels of awkward phrasing.

My advice would be to work on your writing.

Would not keep reading.

I didn't hate it, but if your entire game plan is to do a clever meta commentary, you have to have something to say or some wit to add. It's not enough to be self aware, you actually have to comment on the thing you're aware of. Meta is a tool to create jokes or observations, it is in and off itself not premise or a joke itself.

Take your worst offender: The isekai genre is far and wide involving original works and fan-fics. It is a gift from human creativity that allowed numerous writers to allow themselves to be more involved in the story. This is also true for the many readers that craved heroism, villainy, and that slice of life that reminds us of how colorful the world truly is...

What do I, the reader, get out of this? This is just a dictionary definition. Anyone reading a meta work should already be familiar with the subect matter, so we don't NEED this explanation, and the explanation offers nothign on its own.

This is the sort of thing a clever person would use to do something clever. Like, here's what I would do:

"The isekai genre is far and wide original works and fan-fics. It's a glorious gift from human creativity where numerous want-to-be-writers pretend that getting magical powers or existing some place else would change them as a person. You can already go to the gym and get muscles that will allow you to do a whole host of new activates (instead of sitting inside all day like a shut in). You expect me to believe you are going to put in the back breaking work of memorizing spells? As if."

A little douchey, but gotta go with how you feel. Both paragraphs contain the same literal information, but one provides commentary and humor and one seeks to accomplish nothing.

So I guess the take away is that stories need to tell us things.

Would not keep reading.

In many ways, this is a new experience for me. Good or bad, I always GET what's going on. Even when I get the most inane trash, I can see the template and the influences the author was going for and puzzle it out. But I'm a little lost. And I want to be clear on this point, the only issue is the clarity of story telling.

So a character is sleeping. . . and there's way more flowery language than what you write with elsewhere. And you establish that he isn't dreaming. But also he isn't in his own bed, which I assumed he was waking up in another world or someone else's body or something. And he even thinks "Whose bed is this?" So this reinforced these ideas.

And then he wakes up. And it becomes clear he has been transported some where. He was in Janku. But the person at the door KNOWS him, and he knows her. So. . . huh?

And the dialogue and interaction between them works. You have personality in their interaction, but that's all overshadowed by being lost.

And then reverting. So. . . he normally jumps into. . . a normal world.

Do you see where I'm going with this. We don't know who our MC is as a person. We don't understand their relationship with the other character. We sure as hell don't know where he is. The only plot goal is to get dressed and get down stairs early on.

Then it gets weirder because you have this future/ medieval thing going on. The only thing I can think of is a West World kind of experience, because it can't be a video game. Why would you start a video game waking up and taking a shower. Why would that shower be modern.

So once again I point out my frame of reference, we have eighty disparate elements in play here, and I have no clue what's going on. I could keep going but let's call it quits because it doesn't get better.

You need to ground the reader in something, anything. One single element has to make sense so that you have a foundation to build from. You can even do a bait and switch. You think it's x type of world or story but wait, it's not! But you still have to establish the bait. I just don't know with this one.

I wish I did it for my web novel read along on Youtube. That shit would have been fire trying to decipher this live.

Were you suspended after showing them this?

Anyway, on to the work. Hm. Indeed. Hmmmmm. I REFUSE to give this a rating. But uh, sure is full of surprises. In terms of sheer oddity and how hard it goes, I'm sure it's filling someone's niche. I guess that's all I'm willing to say. It's commendable how committed and out there you are going for. Like, I'm never going to knock pure creativity in any form.

Thanks for the feedback!

I THINK the main reason you were so confused was that you thought it was an isekai. It isn't.

 

[TheTrinary]

Thanks for the feedback!

I THINK the main reason you were so confused was that you thought it was an isekai. It isn't.

The way you quoted this. . . I'm not sure what the original conversation was.

 

[Ymadthepirate]

I just finished the first volume of my story The Pirate Captain ,and I don't know what it is I can't put my finger on it but IMO it's not good but my friend said it's not bad and ask other people to see their opinion so here we are

The Pirate Captain

A boy was once a slave forced to work for a evil pirate. until, he hires a mercenary and becomes the captain of said ship driven to get revenge for his father. Watch as he may go a little less heroic.

www.scribblehub.com

 

[TheTrinary]

Would not keep reading.

The big issue I'm seeing is the way it's written. Your use of the present tense is horribly clunky and odd. Don't get me wrong, you CAN write a story in present tense, but it benefits certain types of story telling more than others and is hard to make sound right. Not only is yours clunky when you are using it technically correct, but you don't always do that.

You start with a flash back, in the past, and that's present tense. You can't start us off with big capital letters saying "10 years ago" and then proceed in present tense. Well I guess you could. . . but if you're the kind of author who's going to break all the rules and make something new and interesting you also need the talent and confidence to do it. As a new author or someone who hasn't mastered their craft, stick to the basics.

Like, at the point you are writing sentences like this "Tomerarenai is sitting in the storage section of the pirate ship, he was busy thinking about all the other people who got taken from his father's ship who aren't alive." You just need to practice writing.

It should read: Tomerarenai sits in the storage section of the pirate ship. He is busy thinking about all the other people who got taken from his father's ship who aren't alive. You screw up two tenses and it's a run-on sentence. It's still not a good sentence, but it's technically correct.

Just to illustrate what good story telling looks like, let's take that now technically sound sentence and turn it into good writing. A lot of what you do is make laundry lists. It's not so much narrative as just giving us a list of things that happen or how they are. You don't show us things.

So. . . Tomerarenai sits in the storage section of the pirate ship. We establish our character and he is in a place. That's all this sentence tells us right? So what's lacking. "Storage section" "Pirate ship."

Storage section. I don't know what a storage section is or where it's at on the ship. Or what it stores. So how about. . . Tomerarenai sits amongst the barrels of gun powder and dripping caskets of half tainted rum. We now know it's a storage room because that's what pirates store. I didn't need to tell you what it is, I showed you. And I added flavor. You know these pirates are violent (gun powder) and you know these pirates aren't well organized (can't even keep their rum stored correctly).

Pirate ship. It's a fine scene setting but at the same time, it leaves questions. So let's add just a word or two that evokes something. HIS pirate ship. The newly commandeered vessel. Something like that. So now our first sentence reads:

Tomerarenai sits amongst the barrels of gun powder and dripping caskets of half tainted rum in a commandeered caravel.

Now sentence two. He is busy thinking about all the other people who got taken from his father's ship who aren't alive. The problems are bigger here. In sentence once you establish the scene (good) and in sentence two you establish your character (good). But do we really establish the character? All we know is that he's thinking about his father's dead crew. We don't know what he's thinking. Is he mad? Sad? What does taken mean? Tons of problems here.

So let's pump up the verbage to evoke some emotion. He's not "thinking"; he's "dwelling". They weren't "taken", they were "dragged off". They weren't. . . not alive, they were "hung up by their intestines (that sounds pirate-y.) So now our second sentence reads:

He dwells on the crew dragged off of his father's ship and hung by their entrails, momentarily forgetting the half empty bottle in his hand.

So let's compare.

"Tomerarenai is sitting in the storage section of the pirate ship, he was busy thinking about all the other people who got taken from his father's ship who aren't alive."

Tomerarenai sits amongst the barrels of gun powder and dripping caskets of half tainted rum in a commandeered caravel. He dwells on the crew dragged off of his father's ship and hung by their entrails, momentarily forgetting the half empty bottle that swills with the waves.

 

[Ymadthepirate]

Would not keep reading.

The big issue I'm seeing is the way it's written. Your use of the present tense is horribly clunky and odd. Don't get me wrong, you CAN write a story in present tense, but it benefits certain types of story telling more than others and is hard to make sound right. Not only is yours clunky when you are using it technically correct, but you don't always do that.

You start with a flash back, in the past, and that's present tense. You can't start us off with big capital letters saying "10 years ago" and then proceed in present tense. Well I guess you could. . . but if you're the kind of author who's going to break all the rules and make something new and interesting you also need the talent and confidence to do it. As a new author or someone who hasn't mastered their craft, stick to the basics.

Like, at the point you are writing sentences like this "Tomerarenai is sitting in the storage section of the pirate ship, he was busy thinking about all the other people who got taken from his father's ship who aren't alive." You just need to practice writing.

It should read: Tomerarenai sits in the storage section of the pirate ship. He is busy thinking about all the other people who got taken from his father's ship who aren't alive. You screw up two tenses and it's a run-on sentence. It's still not a good sentence, but it's technically correct.

Just to illustrate what good story telling looks like, let's take that now technically sound sentence and turn it into good writing. A lot of what you do is make laundry lists. It's not so much narrative as just giving us a list of things that happen or how they are. You don't show us things.

So. . . Tomerarenai sits in the storage section of the pirate ship. We establish our character and he is in a place. That's all this sentence tells us right? So what's lacking. "Storage section" "Pirate ship."

Storage section. I don't know what a storage section is or where it's at on the ship. Or what it stores. So how about. . . Tomerarenai sits amongst the barrels of gun powder and dripping caskets of half tainted rum. We now know it's a storage room because that's what pirates store. I didn't need to tell you what it is, I showed you. And I added flavor. You know these pirates are violent (gun powder) and you know these pirates aren't well organized (can't even keep their rum stored correctly).

Pirate ship. It's a fine scene setting but at the same time, it leaves questions. So let's add just a word or two that evokes something. HIS pirate ship. The newly commandeered vessel. Something like that. So now our first sentence reads:

Tomerarenai sits amongst the barrels of gun powder and dripping caskets of half tainted rum in a commandeered caravel.

Now sentence two. He is busy thinking about all the other people who got taken from his father's ship who aren't alive. The problems are bigger here. In sentence once you establish the scene (good) and in sentence two you establish your character (good). But do we really establish the character? All we know is that he's thinking about his father's dead crew. We don't know what he's thinking. Is he mad? Sad? What does taken mean? Tons of problems here.

So let's pump up the verbage to evoke some emotion. He's not "thinking"; he's "dwelling". They weren't "taken", they were "dragged off". They weren't. . . not alive, they were "hung up by their intestines (that sounds pirate-y.) So now our second sentence reads:

He dwells on the crew dragged off of his father's ship and hung by their entrails, momentarily forgetting the half empty bottle in his hand.

So let's compare.

"Tomerarenai is sitting in the storage section of the pirate ship, he was busy thinking about all the other people who got taken from his father's ship who aren't alive."

Tomerarenai sits amongst the barrels of gun powder and dripping caskets of half tainted rum in a commandeered caravel. He dwells on the crew dragged off of his father's ship and hung by their entrails, momentarily forgetting the half empty bottle that swills with the waves.

AH interesting, thanks you. I'll check out your yt channel

 

[Elixer_Yuu]

UPDATE: Be sure to check out my other thread and my Youtube channel: https://forum.scribblehub.com/threads/looking-for-things-to-review.6228/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUJHTBWLa93g8k9SAXCgSzw

So I saw this done elsewhere and thought it would be fun.


If anyone wants to volunteer, I'll read your very first chapter (not prologue or anything else) and based solely on that I'll give a quick opinion on whether or not I'd continue reading the entire work. It's like a mini review for the first chapter and the ability to hook the audience!

I can make no guarantees with how contemporaneous it will be, but I'll try and stay up with this thread the best I can.

And if it seems I missed you on the review, just send me a message. There's a lot of stuff and it's entirely possible I could accidently skip someone.


Since this thread has become pretty prolific, I figured I'd make a best of the best list. My personal favorite three starting chapters are:

1. Caninstinct https://www.scribblehub.com/series/62445/caninstinct/
2. Ange'ls Dirge https://www.scribblehub.com/series/229892/angels-dirge/
3. Queensmen https://www.scribblehub.com/series/163971/queensmen/
4. Hive https://www.scribblehub.com/series/334266/hiv

UPDATE: Be sure to check out my other thread and my Youtube channel: https://forum.scribblehub.com/threads/looking-for-things-to-review.6228/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUJHTBWLa93g8k9SAXCgSzw

So I saw this done elsewhere and thought it would be fun.


If anyone wants to volunteer, I'll read your very first chapter (not prologue or anything else) and based solely on that I'll give a quick opinion on whether or not I'd continue reading the entire work. It's like a mini review for the first chapter and the ability to hook the audience!

I can make no guarantees with how contemporaneous it will be, but I'll try and stay up with this thread the best I can.

And if it seems I missed you on the review, just send me a message. There's a lot of stuff and it's entirely possible I could accidently skip someone.


Since this thread has become pretty prolific, I figured I'd make a best of the best list. My personal favorite three starting chapters are:

1. Caninstinct https://www.scribblehub.com/series/62445/caninstinct/
2. Ange'ls Dirge https://www.scribblehub.com/series/229892/angels-dirge/
3. Queensmen https://www.scribblehub.com/series/163971/queensmen/
4. Hive https://www.scribblehub.com/series/334266/hive/

K then, guess i volunteer!

I Am Happy

I was born and I died. I was born again, and I died again. There was something missing. I tried but I couldn't fill the gap. All I wanted to do was to lead a happy life. My discord ID- Yuu#0299 -The cover doesn't belong to me. Whoever the owner...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[KaiArgenti]

The way you quoted this. . . I'm not sure what the original conversation was.

"Would not keep reading.

In many ways, this is a new experience for me. Good or bad, I always GET what's going on. Even when I get the most inane trash, I can see the template and the influences the author was going for and puzzle it out. But I'm a little lost. And I want to be clear on this point, the only issue is the clarity of story telling.

So a character is sleeping. . . and there's way more flowery language than what you write with elsewhere. And you establish that he isn't dreaming. But also he isn't in his own bed, which I assumed he was waking up in another world or someone else's body or something. And he even thinks "Whose bed is this?" So this reinforced these ideas.

And then he wakes up. And it becomes clear he has been transported some where. He was in Janku. But the person at the door KNOWS him, and he knows her. So. . . huh?

And the dialogue and interaction between them works. You have personality in their interaction, but that's all overshadowed by being lost.

And then reverting. So. . . he normally jumps into. . . a normal world.

Do you see where I'm going with this. We don't know who our MC is as a person. We don't understand their relationship with the other character. We sure as hell don't know where he is. The only plot goal is to get dressed and get down stairs early on.

Then it gets weirder because you have this future/ medieval thing going on. The only thing I can think of is a West World kind of experience, because it can't be a video game. Why would you start a video game waking up and taking a shower. Why would that shower be modern.

So once again I point out my frame of reference, we have eighty disparate elements in play here, and I have no clue what's going on. I could keep going but let's call it quits because it doesn't get better.

You need to ground the reader in something, anything. One single element has to make sense so that you have a foundation to build from. You can even do a bait and switch. You think it's x type of world or story but wait, it's not! But you still have to establish the bait. I just don't know with this one.

I wish I did it for my web novel read along on Youtube. That shit would have been fire trying to decipher this live," Was your feedback.

 

[TheTrinary]

"Would not keep reading.

In many ways, this is a new experience for me. Good or bad, I always GET what's going on. Even when I get the most inane trash, I can see the template and the influences the author was going for and puzzle it out. But I'm a little lost. And I want to be clear on this point, the only issue is the clarity of story telling.

So a character is sleeping. . . and there's way more flowery language than what you write with elsewhere. And you establish that he isn't dreaming. But also he isn't in his own bed, which I assumed he was waking up in another world or someone else's body or something. And he even thinks "Whose bed is this?" So this reinforced these ideas.

And then he wakes up. And it becomes clear he has been transported some where. He was in Janku. But the person at the door KNOWS him, and he knows her. So. . . huh?

And the dialogue and interaction between them works. You have personality in their interaction, but that's all overshadowed by being lost.

And then reverting. So. . . he normally jumps into. . . a normal world.

Do you see where I'm going with this. We don't know who our MC is as a person. We don't understand their relationship with the other character. We sure as hell don't know where he is. The only plot goal is to get dressed and get down stairs early on.

Then it gets weirder because you have this future/ medieval thing going on. The only thing I can think of is a West World kind of experience, because it can't be a video game. Why would you start a video game waking up and taking a shower. Why would that shower be modern.

So once again I point out my frame of reference, we have eighty disparate elements in play here, and I have no clue what's going on. I could keep going but let's call it quits because it doesn't get better.

You need to ground the reader in something, anything. One single element has to make sense so that you have a foundation to build from. You can even do a bait and switch. You think it's x type of world or story but wait, it's not! But you still have to establish the bait. I just don't know with this one.

I wish I did it for my web novel read along on Youtube. That shit would have been fire trying to decipher this live," Was your feedback.

Hm. . . why doesn't he know where he is then?

 

[kallistoclesx]

If you have the time, here is mine.

The Fall of Davina St. Rose - Chapter One: Waking Up To A New World | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

 

[KaiArgenti]

Hm. . . why doesn't he know where he is then?

"Memories of the night before flashed through my mind.

Tea was driving along the narrow, windy, mountain road that led here and I saw a light in the corner of my eye. A light so welcoming and familiar that the urge of jumping out of the speeding car to reach it came over me. But instead, it came to me. Then in a flash, everything turned white, and I woke up here."

I hope this extract answers your question.

 

[TheTrinary]

"Memories of the night before flashed through my mind.

Tea was driving along the narrow, windy, mountain road that led here and I saw a light in the corner of my eye. A light so welcoming and familiar that the urge of jumping out of the speeding car to reach it came over me. But instead, it came to me. Then in a flash, everything turned white, and I woke up here."

I hope this extract answers your question.

Car accident?

 

[KaiArgenti]

Car accident?

That could've happened. Kari was about to ask Tea about it but he stopped himself (for reasons he explained). But from seeing how Tea wasn't harmed in any way, that specific thought of an accident didn't cross his mind.

 

[TheTrinary]

That could've happened. Kari was about to ask Tea about it but he stopped himself (for reasons he explained). But from seeing how Tea wasn't harmed in any way, that specific thought of an accident didn't cross his mind.

And you're acting like I'm crazy for being confused what's going on.