- Nov 23, 2020
I replied to your thread on its own last night.
Hmm this is interesting and a new sort of review for me because I like everything you have, but I don't think there is enough.Could you please give me some feedback?
Zach had an ordinary life, till the day he had to submit his report. Waking up, he found himself in an abandoned castle wearing unfamiliar clothes. Follow Zach, as he lives a slow life travelling around the world as an adventurer. Release rate will be 2-3 chapters per week. AN:...www.scribblehub.com
I don't get a sense of the MC and I don't get a sense of what the plot is, and I really don't know what is going on. I haven't had a medium reaction to a piece in a while, but I think this is it. It needs more of a hook.
Also, those last three sentences don't work for me. The 1st one has a tense incorrect and I'm not really sure that they work even if written correctly.
I too would like some wisdom sir.
So first thing first, 80% of the stories I reply to on here are portal fantasy/ gamelit. Its such an oversaturated genre that I'm always looking for what separates it out. Normally the hook would be they get to go onto the fantastical journey to another world and be a video game character, but that's 80% of the stories. So what's the hook within the hook, so to say?
And that's where it loses me because I can't determine how its unique. Normally this is done by the MC's background, the writing style, the world, or maybe the system in place, but I'm not seeing any of that to excite me.
On the plus side, I really really liked your reason why people were being ferried to another world. That was genuinely clever and very interesting from a world building perspective.
And then on the negative side, your characters didn't quite gel with me. Everyone felt pretty caricature-y