Hi, I'm Stephen
- Nov 23, 2020
Mmmm. Some of this was helpful. Moderately awkward sentences here and there, although those aren't "mistakes". You are, however, flat out wrong in terms of the run-on sentence and use of was/were.No commas needed; "Kael" is an essential element. Also, this sentence is worded weirdly, especially the first part. https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/punctuation/commas/commas_with_nonessential_elements.html
this amounted -> the shrug amounted to
"This" is slightly unclear on what it's referring to.
2 run-on sentences.
https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/punctuation/commas/index.html (rule 1)
I would also say that "words failed to compose" is a slightly odd phrasing, but that's honestly entirely subjective.
I had to read this twice to understand what you were trying to say. Consider rewording out the "unconscious and bleeding but still alive" part into a different sentence. Also, the last bit should be reworded to have no pronouns since the "he" is vague, and nobody knows what an egree is to instantly connect it with having a silvery glow.
Alright, I have other things to do, but hopefully you get the point.
In academic writing you would always use the comma there, but in artistic writing, the flow and feel of the prose matters way more. Every professional author on the planet uses two independent clauses combined with a linking word but no comma. It should be in every writer's repertoire. We're writing stories not dictionary entries.
There were/ there was is modified by the following noun it modifies. In this instance the noun is number— singular. There was a number. Not there were a number. (It's an awkward case that doesn't feel natural. But I'm right in my use.)
Its frustrating for someone to tell you you made dozens of mistakes when the only thing you did wrong was not capitalize a single world. If you don't like the style, say that. Don't be dismissive and say that a writing style is objectively wrong.