Genderless Protagonist and Approach (The Uprise of a Nobody)

[b1ah]

So this month, I decided to write up a story about a person who travels to another world after death through being rejected by gods and devils. I thought to myself, what if I make the main character genderless? That way, the reader can put themselves in the character's shoes any way they please. Then I thought to myself, rather than creating a 3rd person perspective of all the characters, why not instead make it first person? This feels... Awkward to write... I've released 18 chapters with roughly 1800 words per chapter (around a 5 min read per chapter). I've created a dynamic between the protagonist and another character only the main character can see/hear, adding a comedic effect. So... My biggest issue is feedback, or the lack thereof.

How does the idea of a genderless protagonist and this 1st person approach sound?

Does this kind of 1st person writing style create a limited perspective as a reader?

If anyone can read a few chapters and provide some feedback, that would be really helpful. The main goal is for the readers to put themselves in the shoes of the main character... I'm not exactly a writer, and this is my first web novel/story. I really appreciate any help you can provide.

The Uprise of a Nobody | Scribble Hub

 

[SailusGebel]

Add a link to your work so people won't need to look for your novel all over the site.

 

[b1ah]

Add a link to your work so people won't need to look for your novel all over the site.

Thanks, just updated...

 

[Snusmumriken]

The biggest issue I see is that you have a very large infodump in the first chapter.

Not only it is a sad-story infodump it is also not immediately necessary. As far as I could tell the first 15 paragraphs could be easily delivered chapters later when you needed to add the pertinent details. At the moment it sounds more like an overly elaborate description of why MC had accepted the deal.

And as far as the acceptance goes it is more of a reluctant kind, rather passive too. As such the first chapter told me very little if anything about where the MC is heading towards or what his future goals will be. "life sucks, might as well" is not really a good story start (could be a great arc ending or an end of the book, however)

Imo it would have been better if it was - "I've made a deal because life sucked (will be explained later) - got into this mess - now I want to X and do Y)

You have GB, isekai, and litRPG tags so you will get people who like these tags, but that won't be because of your first chapter in my opinion.

 

[b1ah]

The biggest issue I see is that you have a very large infodump in the first chapter.

Not only it is a sad-story infodump it is also not immediately necessary. As far as I could tell the first 15 paragraphs could be easily delivered chapters later when you needed to add the pertinent details. At the moment it sounds more like an overly elaborate description of why MC had accepted the deal.

And as far as the acceptance goes it is more of a reluctant kind, rather passive too. As such the first chapter told me very little if anything about where the MC is heading towards or what his future goals will be. "life sucks, might as well" is not really a good story start (could be a great arc ending or an end of the book, however)

Imo it would have been better if it was - "I've made a deal because life sucked (will be explained later) - got into this mess - now I want to X and do Y)

You have GB, isekai, and litRPG tags so you will get people who like these tags, but that won't be because of your first chapter in my opinion.

Thank you so much! I will definitely make changes. I feel like a blind bat right now for missing this... Thanks again; your feedback is much appreciated.

 

[K5Rakitan]

I recommend making it second person! Second person allows for much more immersion in the story and is common in erotic literature. I would write in second person if fanfiction.net didn't forbid it. My all-time favorite author who writes in second person is Soramimi Hanarejima.

Amazon.com

Amazon.com

And here are a couple of short stories you can read for free:

Equivocal Possibilities — Ghost Parachute

Someone has broken the scale you use to weigh all your words. When you return to your cubicle after using the bathroom, you find that the counterweights have been smashed to bits. You are appalled, then heartbroken. This was deliberate—malicious. You immediately suspect your boss. He never’s...

ghostparachute.com

Hierarchy of Needs by Soramimi Hanarejima

At the dinner party, a small group of us breaks away to nestle ourselves in the observatory with our desserts. There, in the dusky light, I watch you stroke her ego, and I become unexpectedly and e…

thefictionpool.com

 

[Snusmumriken]

Thank you so much! I will definitely make changes. I feel like a blind bat right now for missing this... Thanks again; your feedback is much appreciated.

I understand that completely - another set of eyes always helps a lot.

Remember if you want the reader to relate to the MC do not start with describing the world around him - describe the world inside of him first and foremost.

In terms of description, your first 15 chapters are in their way decent - but they tell me about the conditions of his life and the past - I was more likely to imagine myself in that situation, rather than imagine myself being the MC.

There is a big difference there. And because the setting is dark (i can't say if it is too dark or not - didn't read too far but honestly speaking it sounded a bit too much for the depth of the description) it makes me annoyed at the world (because I don't want to be in that condition) rather than being sympathetic to the MC.

 

[luxia]

I feel like for me, the first person narration isn't really helping me self-insert into the story.

The protagonist's personality and speech pattern is quite different from mine, and hearing their thoughts distinctly makes it feel like it's not me.

 

[b1ah]

I understand that completely - another set of eyes always helps a lot.

Remember if you want the reader to relate to the MC do not start with describing the world around him - describe the world inside of him first and foremost.

In terms of description, your first 15 chapters are in their way decent - but they tell me about the conditions of his life and the past - I was more likely to imagine myself in that situation, rather than imagine myself being the MC.

There is a big difference there. And because the setting is dark (i can't say if it is too dark or not - didn't read too far but honestly speaking it sounded a bit too much for the depth of the description) it makes me annoyed at the world (because I don't want to be in that condition) rather than being sympathetic to the MC.

I completely understand. Actually, by simply removing the first half of chapter 1: Removing all the negativity and sad character background. I found it flows much better when the narration starts with the robotic voice. It mentions how he died and vaguely states that he had a miserable life, but other than that it doesn't go too far in depth. I may need to go through the rest of the chapters to omit any information that refers back to the previous information. I think this is a great improvement to a readers initial impression. Thanks ever so much!

It's too late to change the perspective, which obviously affects how the reader can insert themself. If anyone has a suggestion on how to improve the 1st person approach, that would be great. Also... Addressing a character that hasn't been addressed by gender gets increasingly more difficult as new characters are introduced. Any advice on this will be a huge help! Thanks in advance :)

 

[Derin_Edala]

Is your character genderless, or is the gender ambiguous? I mean, is it a case of "gender: none" (eg., someone who's agender), or "gender: [whatever the reader wants to imagine]?" Either can be written just fine but make sure you know which one you're writing. For the former, you can just ask agender people if you run into trouble. For the latter, you might need to get fiddly with grammar to keep things ambiguous.