Give me that sweet sweet feedback! Why don’t you give feedback? :(

[TheHelpfulFawn]

Give me that feedback, baby!! Or a review...? maybe a comment or two? Please share your thoughts. I’m like going blind on what my audience even thinks about my writing. I mean a couple of my chapters got favorited which is something, but I don’t know. Just need some sort of validation.

Also free to do review swaps and stuff potentially and give my thoughts on your stuff.

Flowers for a Grave

A village raid and only one young girl is lucky enough to survive the ordeal, though her family is ripped apart in the process. Her mother, long since dead. Her father, killed in the raid. Her brother, taken from her as they tried to escape to safety. Adversity stacks itself...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[kagurasenpai]

Sh has so many silent readers. Just like myself
So, you need to wait for an angle-like reader give you some revies or comments

 

[Kaguro]

I'll just give a quick feedback, here.
I read through the prologue and one of the biggest things that I think would help is having more character and setting descriptions, and less of the conversations.

Having heavy conversation is not bad per-say, but the conversation does not appear to be substantive it only establishes that they are friends, it doesn't tell us anything about the world they live in. There can be friendly banter between characters, but there should always be a clear reason for including something on the page. For example the bandits, they appear out of nowhere. Nobody seemed to realize they existed until they were already there. These are the type of things that can be foreshadowed in earlier conversation, maybe you can have them talk about how they are scared of the bandits coming back, or rumors about other towns. Events should never be totally random in a book, even if they are unexpected to the reader or to the main character themselves, there should be a reason that it happened and an inclination to the readers that it was going to happen.

I can see that things are happening, and I get the general gist of who is doing what, but there are also too many characters introduced in a short period of time. Leonard and Randall are the first people that get introduced, so the immediate assumption made by readers is that they are the people that matter most. But in the later half there are actually dozens of character names that I am seeing, some of them listed like groceries. The main problem I have with reading this is that I don't know who any of these people are. If they are important they should be given a name and description, otherwise if they are background fodder you can just give a description of who they are to the main characters but naming everyone like that makes it difficult to follow.

I'm just one person so don't take my word as the Bible, these are only my suggestions.

 

[TheHelpfulFawn]

I'll just give a quick feedback, here.
I read through the prologue and one of the biggest things that I think would help is having more character and setting descriptions, and less of the conversations.

Having heavy conversation is not bad per-say, but the conversation does not appear to be substantive it only establishes that they are friends, it doesn't tell us anything about the world they live in. There can be friendly banter between characters, but there should always be a clear reason for including something on the page. For example the bandits, they appear out of nowhere. Nobody seemed to realize they existed until they were already there. These are the type of things that can be foreshadowed in earlier conversation, maybe you can have them talk about how they are scared of the bandits coming back, or rumors about other towns. Events should never be totally random in a book, even if they are unexpected to the reader or to the main character themselves, there should be a reason that it happened and an inclination to the readers that it was going to happen.

I can see that things are happening, and I get the general gist of who is doing what, but there are also too many characters introduced in a short period of time. Leonard and Randall are the first people that get introduced, so the immediate assumption made by readers is that they are the people that matter most. But in the later half there are actually dozens of character names that I am seeing, some of them listed like groceries. The main problem I have with reading this is that I don't know who any of these people are. If they are important they should be given a name and description, otherwise if they are background fodder you can just give a description of who they are to the main characters but naming everyone like that makes it difficult to follow.

I'm just one person so don't take my word as the Bible, these are only my suggestions.

Valid things that you pointed out when I go back and read my prologue. I just wanted to convey how life can just abruptly turn on itself despite how easy-going and happy it could be. Tragedy is always around the corner and it always comes unexpectedly. Reason why I didn't give any foreshadowing about it. I meant the prologue to be shocking and unexpected. I can understand how my readers can get confused by with them all the new names being thrown like a list but I did it for a reason. It is purposeful made to read like your listing items off a laundry or grocery list cause that's kind of how the bandits are treating them. Commodity essentially. Prologue I also feels works in tandem with the first chapter.

 

[K5Rakitan]

I recommend writing.com for getting feedback. They have an awesome gift point system where you can request reviews from people, and you earn points by reviewing others, so everyone is motivated to interact.

 

[TheHelpfulFawn]

I recommend writing.com for getting feedback. They have an awesome gift point system where you can request reviews from people, and you earn points by reviewing others, so everyone is motivated to interact.

I’ll check that out. Thank you!