Happy Thanksgivng

kokiboki

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 14, 2020
Messages
69
Points
58
I have this problem . . . . I can't seem to get the readers attention, like get them in there feelings when they read my stories, read my own story myself, it seemed a bit good, but when my family seen it , it was a bad review .. you decide if this is truly bad or good.

The villains Mother has had enough. > Chapter 10 : Divorce
 
Last edited:

CrusadeAgainstFurries

Supreme meme-lord
Joined
May 15, 2020
Messages
186
Points
78
Hmm, since I just have experience writing a fanfic and my writing style is a complete mess, take my advice with a grain of salt. Also, I only quickly glanced over it, so yeah...probably not the most analytical advice you can get, but maybe it still helps you.

Anyway, I noticed that the dialogues don't feel really authentic, and between the spoken language there is a lot of info dumps.
So my advice would be that if you really think you need those info dumps, try to do it before the dialogues and not between.
A dialogue should really feel like people are actually speaking to each other, so describe the reactions only briefly if possible, not in a giant paragraph.
For example:
A: "..."
B: "..." - replied in a shocking voice.
A: "..."

As I said, I only glanced over, so I may be wrong - sorry if that's the case.

Also, Happy Thanksgiving to you as well!
 
Last edited:

minacia

perpetually sour
Joined
Jun 22, 2020
Messages
531
Points
133
I think it might be good to fix the grammar and typos, because it's hard to read if there are too many errors everywhere.
 

K5Rakitan

Level 34 👪 💍 Pronouns: she/whore ♀
Joined
Apr 15, 2020
Messages
8,168
Points
233
To "get them in there feelings" (edit: their) it helps to personally experience a similar situation. It seems like here, you are pulling from tropes based on other stories you've read. Trying to get these emotions secondhand from other fictional stories doesn't quite work. Of course, there are some things you don't want to have to personally experience to write about. Drawing experiences from close friends or family members is a good backup for personally experiencing these things. If you don't want to bother people you know, there's a thing on Youtube where people tell true stories from their lives. Look up "story time" videos like this:


You also get the benefit of seeing body language as people talk about their experiences.
 

mystearicah

Active member
Joined
Aug 3, 2020
Messages
7
Points
43
First and foremost, word usage, grammar and sentence/paragraph structure must be done correctly for the readers to know what you’re trying to convey. Use punctuatios properly too. If there are too many errors, readers wouldn’t really want to read or just cringe.

As for describing a certain person or object, you might not want it to have too much info. It’s good to describe for readers to know how it looks like but don’t overdo it.

Warnings (e.g. eventual violence, gore, abuse, etc.) are written before the chapter while author notes are mostly mostly written after the chapter.​

I hope it helps! Happy Thanksgiving!

P.S. I love your Shuna dp tho :blob_aww:
 

Ruriha

Well-known Procrastinator
Joined
Mar 25, 2020
Messages
220
Points
103
I have this problem . . . . I can't seem to get the readers attention, like get them in there feelings when they read my stories, read my own story myself, it seemed a bit good, but when my family seen it , it was a bad review .. you decide if this is truly bad or good.

The villains Mother has had enough. > Chapter 10 : Divorce
There's a lot of run-on sentences, some awkward phrases, and lack of punctuation. Tho it isn't as if your story is objectively bad, it just needs proofreading.
 
Top