Help a new writer out. I hope I can get feedback for my story.

gitagon

Active member
Joined
Apr 21, 2020
Messages
4
Points
41
This is the link to my story: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/363054/path-of-the-invincible-dragon/

The Andromeda Boy (2).jpg
 

Snusmumriken

Vagabond and traveller
Joined
May 22, 2021
Messages
449
Points
103
Your synopsis is too heavy on details. Specifically names and new terms. Which makes it extremely cumbersome to read. This is important - it is designed to help the reader to understand the book. If it is confusing already the reader won't pick it up.

Your 1st chapter is high on details albeit there is a lot of repetition you need to be mindful about.

The dark night pervaded the land with the sound of insects of the night such as crickets providing a disturbing melody. In this particularly dull night,
the night is too often for example while clarifying insects is rather unnecessary and too detailed.

Once again - you have a lot of names, terms, and details. It feels in my opinion too heavy, especially for the first chapter. Moreover, the rest of the chapter is intentionally ambiguous. Stuff is happening but the reader is left unsure what is going on and why and what is actually important and what is just excessive detail.

You want to ease the reader as gently into your world. Specifically, start with common and familiar aspects and slowly introduce the unknown on the backdrop of the defined path of MC. Start with known. Define direction and then use that direction as the guide to venture into the unknown.
 

gitagon

Active member
Joined
Apr 21, 2020
Messages
4
Points
41
Your synopsis is too heavy on details. Specifically names and new terms. Which makes it extremely cumbersome to read. This is important - it is designed to help the reader to understand the book. If it is confusing already the reader won't pick it up.

Your 1st chapter is high on details albeit there is a lot of repetition you need to be mindful about.


the night is too often for example while clarifying insects is rather unnecessary and too detailed.

Once again - you have a lot of names, terms, and details. It feels in my opinion too heavy, especially for the first chapter. Moreover, the rest of the chapter is intentionally ambiguous. Stuff is happening but the reader is left unsure what is going on and why and what is actually important and what is just excessive detail.

You want to ease the reader as gently into your world. Specifically, start with common and familiar aspects and slowly introduce the unknown on the backdrop of the defined path of MC. Start with known. Define direction and then use that direction as the guide to venture into the unknown.
Thanks a lot for the advice.
 
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