Help me out, anyone?

[ChronicleCrawler]

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/19432/tryst/

Hi! Anyone out there? New scribbler here. Need some feedback for my first novel titled Tryst. No worries, this one is willing to bear some harshness you hide inside you ( But not too much).

Either positive, negative is very much appreciated. Just click my link above. Thanks in advance.

 

[HonestMistake]

Okay, but I don't have much to go on.

Grammar wise, your good. No obvious mistakes I could see.

Story wise, a little confusing. Right now, I'm not seeing much correlation between the prologue and Chapter 1, and I still don't really know what the story is about, or who the MC is. I am assuming the MC is one of the kids, but I don't know. You only have up to Chapter 2 posted. Once you get up to about Chapters 10-15, I'll have enough story to give you some better feedback.

 

[TwilightForest]

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/19432/tryst/

Hi! Anyone out there? New scribbler here. Need some feedback for my first novel titled Tryst. No worries, this one is willing to bear some harshness you hide inside you ( But not too much).

Either positive, negative is very much appreciated. Just click my link above. Thanks in advance.

I've read the prologue. The first thing that breaks immersion is inconsistent tense. You need to look at it seriously.

 

[FriendlyDragon]

Like twilight said, you switch between tenses a lot. You'll need to work on this as it ruins the flow. Some capitalization mistakes in the prologue as well that you may have glazed over. There are also some commas that shouldn't be there as well as some general grammar. I can't judge the story yet as there isn't enough to go off of yet.

 

[ChronicleCrawler]

Okay, but I don't have much to go on.

Grammar wise, your good. No obvious mistakes I could see.

Story wise, a little confusing. Right now, I'm not seeing much correlation between the prologue and Chapter 1, and I still don't really know what the story is about, or who the MC is. I am assuming the MC is one of the kids, but I don't know. You only have up to Chapter 2 posted. Once you get up to about Chapters 10-15, I'll have enough story to give you some better feedback.

It's fine. Hahaha. Reading anyone's comments about my work gives me enough jitters to continue writing. XD

 

[ChronicleCrawler]

I've read the prologue. The first thing that breaks immersion is inconsistent tense. You need to look at it seriously.

Gotta note this one^^. Thankssss.

 

[ChronicleCrawler]

Like twilight said, you switch between tenses a lot. You'll need to work on this as it ruins the flow. Some capitalization mistakes in the prologue as well that you may have glazed over. There are also some commas that shouldn't be there as well as some general grammar. I can't judge the story yet as there isn't enough to go off of yet.

Hmnn, looking at my work again, I'm starting to see what you're trying to say. Okay, gotta study how it works first then I'm going for an edit. Thanks