Honest Critiques & Comments Thread

[WinterTimeCrime]

Hello friends,

My name is WinterTimeCrime, but you can call me Winter! I'm currently a college business student with a love for historical fiction, sci-fi, and psychological horror genres.

Most of my writing knowledge came from writing academic papers (both for school and for money) and other scholarly works related to various sciences. However, after the pandemic and was sent back home to study online, I finally got the time to write my first books Akutoku: Wrath, Deceit, and Blood, Vice Lord, and Let's Imagine a Female Knight From Another World (one of which is still ongoing, the other two are being edited and licensed for Kindle Unlimited). I actually wrote Akutoku - A book based in Japan's Edo Period during the Imjin War, while studying abroad in Japan for about four months or so.

Did I mention that I had my start on WebNovel? Yes, it's true! And while I spent my first year writing there, I had several years (since grade school perhaps) of reading translated works, light novels, and other Asian literature. I never really read web novels, and rarely unless they're recommended by a friend or a simple browse... However, if you really want to take your work to the next level, I highly advise you to read western novels and LNs that actually gained a bit of an audience and study the imagery they provide in text in correlation to their anime adaption.

Why did I tell you all this? Well for one, it's to show that I'm still in the chick phase of my writing journey and can still relate to new readers; However, I also have enough experience and knowledge of various genres both reading and writing. Secondly, it was to help you understand that I'm very aware of the subpar quality of novels on WebNovel - And for those who've stayed on the site for a while, prone to using the same techniques as their favorite or fellow authors isn't going to get you very far.

I decided to make a review thread since I'm willing to take the time to review different categories. If you haven't read Space Patroller Miya, I can tell you that I'm very obsessed with psychologically scarring others and weird tropes... So if you have books with perhaps offensive topics, horror aspects, and the like please allow me to review them! But I'm also used to setting romance or characters in the first few chapters so I can help with that too.

Well, what're you waiting for? I'll give you an honest critique but also comment on things you did very well.

 

[K5Rakitan]

I would like a one-star review, please and thank you

Kaiba’s Prostitute

When CEO Seto Kaiba propositions Joan, she expects a one-night stand, but he and his brother keep coming back for more. Now the Kaiba brothers want an heir from her and will pay any price to get it. How do Joan’s husband and boyfriend feel about her new profession?...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[royalnobody]

It's my first first time writing but hopefully it ain't too bad... hopefully.

So I got a sword…..

A story about a girl who finds a talking sword. Ain't much else to it. But hey, join her in this not so grand adventure of passing school. I can only hope you'll enjoy it.

www.scribblehub.com

 

[R.E.Taylor]

Hey thanks for taking your time out to do reviews.
I'd love for you to check out The Garbage Gladiator if you have the time.

 

[WinterTimeCrime]

I would like a one-star review, please and thank you

Kaiba’s Prostitute

When CEO Seto Kaiba propositions Joan, she expects a one-night stand, but he and his brother keep coming back for more. Now the Kaiba brothers want an heir from her and will pay any price to get it. How do Joan’s husband and boyfriend feel about her new profession?...

www.scribblehub.com

Gotcha

It's my first first time writing but hopefully it ain't too bad... hopefully.

So I got a sword…..

A story about a girl who finds a talking sword. Ain't much else to it. But hey, join her in this not so grand adventure of passing school. I can only hope you'll enjoy it.

www.scribblehub.com

Hey there! So I review books in four separate categories. If you have any questions, please give me a reply and I'll be sure to respond to you soon.

Writing Quality: Pretty good! From what I saw there was nothing wrong with grammar or punctuation. You spaced out your sentences and dialogue so specific scenes and conversations could be grasped with ease. Ranobe formatting is executed well here, and I can tell that you've put some work into some sort of draft system.

Story Development: I couldn't get into the first chapter of the story. It felt like I was either watching the third episode of a series where a new character is being introduced with an already ongoing plot... Or in a side story for a character that was soon going to be killed off as a plot device.

What I'm saying is, that the first chapter didn't allow me to grasp a certain stake, convey a certain feeling, or attach to a specific character that would make me continue reading. Though, since this is a Slice of Life and School Life genre, a lot of readers will be considerate of slow burns for character growth and moderate world-building; However, I like to think of good books as ones where you can pick them up not know the title, synopsis, genre, etc. and it still is interesting to read.

Character Design: I'm pretty sure you heard Show, Not Tell; While this is just a guideline for new writers to learn to create realistic atmospheres, it should still be practiced when you feel something is "missing." This missing feeling is what caused me to stop reading after Chapter 5 and start skimming, I didn't feel any connection through my other senses with Abigail's, Al's, or others' POVs.

For instance in Chapter 2 during the funeral scene, she could've mentioned the sides of her face feeling damp and warm as she pictured the mythical healer bringing her father back. Chapter 3, after her laps her ankles felt sore, heaved, and/or panted, sweat drooling down her chin.

Those are just examples of the little scenes that could help readers connect more with your characters. I'm sure you have other scenes where you could use senses to portray a feeling (such as tiredness, sadness, or dread) but it really feels like I'm being read a script... Especially with the long lines of dialogue with no facial expressions, gestures, or body movements to make the characters feel alive.

World Background: The world-building needs some work. Being a Slice of Life is no excuse and in fact, the exact reason why your character needs to draw different feelings from your audience, which I didn't feel at all being done.

Chapter 1, for example - If you'd perhaps drawn a scene of a young girl getting off a rattling carriage, her boots clicking onto the white-stone pavement as she stood in front of the looming dormitory before entering... Or even with your first scene, the floor-boards creaking as she walked down, the smell of mold mixed with reassuring sandalwood to create an earthy atmosphere... I probably would've been more interested in the scenes. For the starting paragraphs, especially in a world of Fantasy, I must get a feeling of new surroundings, and new beginnings, especially since she just moved to this town.

From what I read, it felt like she was returning to someplace someone has already been to, the setting was drab. If it was a new room, perhaps she sputters or coughs from a buildup of dust. Maybe it was wiped clean before she arrived, the newly polished floor and surfaces gave a strong yet fresh smell that stung but yet refreshing.

Conclusion: While reading this I got the feeling of it being the first draft of a light novel - Not too many details provided, but evidence that someone could be portrayed with ease. If you were going for an organic Slice of Life, feel with a slow-burnish type of system then you're doing good. If you were going for anything else you might need to rewrite this when you've got some time. But since this is the first few chapters, there's bound to be an improvement when you finally find your writing voice (as it feels like multiple types of styles are clashing as of right now).

Excellent work, keep writing!

 

[Caivy]

Am new to this writing thing and look forwards to your feedback and thanks for taking the time to review it.

 

[Dajoe1234]

Do you review Smut? I'm looking for feedback on my webnovel, ways to improve pacing or characterization. It's mostly slice of life with smut. https://www.scribblehub.com/series/...life-with-his-two-bisexual-girlfriends/stats/

 

[BenJepheneT]

If the answer to this is a yes,

Do you review Smut?

I have something for you.

The Problem Store

There was a guy who went by the name of Guy. He lives in a World, and has many stories to tell about it. Stories of relationships, indulgence, brotherhood, reconciliation, women, and skinship. Especially women and skinship. Guy has a lot of stories about women and skinship. You may or...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[killwrites]

I would like to have one review pls

This crossdressing fake Saintess must cure Her Highness!

Princess Anastasia, the beloved only child of King and Queen Cetheri, suddenly fell gravely ill on her fourteenth birthday. Despite the best efforts of the royal physician, she remained unconscious and bedridden. 'The King is offering 10,000 gold doubloons for anyone who can cure the Princess...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[royalnobody]

Gotcha


Hey there! So I review books in four separate categories. If you have any questions, please give me a reply and I'll be sure to respond to you soon.

Writing Quality: Pretty good! From what I saw there was nothing wrong with grammar or punctuation. You spaced out your sentences and dialogue so specific scenes and conversations could be grasped with ease. Ranobe formatting is executed well here, and I can tell that you've put some work into some sort of draft system.

Story Development: I couldn't get into the first chapter of the story. It felt like I was either watching the third episode of a series where a new character is being introduced with an already ongoing plot... Or in a side story for a character that was soon going to be killed off as a plot device.

What I'm saying is, that the first chapter didn't allow me to grasp a certain stake, convey a certain feeling, or attach to a specific character that would make me continue reading. Though, since this is a Slice of Life and School Life genre, a lot of readers will be considerate of slow burns for character growth and moderate world-building; However, I like to think of good books as ones where you can pick them up not know the title, synopsis, genre, etc. and it still is interesting to read.

Character Design: I'm pretty sure you heard Show, Not Tell; While this is just a guideline for new writers to learn to create realistic atmospheres, it should still be practiced when you feel something is "missing." This missing feeling is what caused me to stop reading after Chapter 5 and start skimming, I didn't feel any connection through my other senses with Abigail's, Al's, or others' POVs.

For instance in Chapter 2 during the funeral scene, she could've mentioned the sides of her face feeling damp and warm as she pictured the mythical healer bringing her father back. Chapter 3, after her laps her ankles felt sore, heaved, and/or panted, sweat drooling down her chin.

Those are just examples of the little scenes that could help readers connect more with your characters. I'm sure you have other scenes where you could use senses to portray a feeling (such as tiredness, sadness, or dread) but it really feels like I'm being read a script... Especially with the long lines of dialogue with no facial expressions, gestures, or body movements to make the characters feel alive.

World Background: The world-building needs some work. Being a Slice of Life is no excuse and in fact, the exact reason why your character needs to draw different feelings from your audience, which I didn't feel at all being done.

Chapter 1, for example - If you'd perhaps drawn a scene of a young girl getting off a rattling carriage, her boots clicking onto the white-stone pavement as she stood in front of the looming dormitory before entering... Or even with your first scene, the floor-boards creaking as she walked down, the smell of mold mixed with reassuring sandalwood to create an earthy atmosphere... I probably would've been more interested in the scenes. For the starting paragraphs, especially in a world of Fantasy, I must get a feeling of new surroundings, and new beginnings, especially since she just moved to this town.

From what I read, it felt like she was returning to someplace someone has already been to, the setting was drab. If it was a new room, perhaps she sputters or coughs from a buildup of dust. Maybe it was wiped clean before she arrived, the newly polished floor and surfaces gave a strong yet fresh smell that stung but yet refreshing.

Conclusion: While reading this I got the feeling of it being the first draft of a light novel - Not too many details provided, but evidence that someone could be portrayed with ease. If you were going for an organic Slice of Life, feel with a slow-burnish type of system then you're doing good. If you were going for anything else you might need to rewrite this when you've got some time. But since this is the first few chapters, there's bound to be an improvement when you finally find your writing voice (as it feels like multiple types of styles are clashing as of right now).

Excellent work, keep writing!

Yeah I was going for more of a slice of life with a bit of drama spiced into it. Always sucked at descriptions/outright ignored them so yeah, never was able to add them much in conversations and otherwise. Been trying to improve but I still suck ass. Anyways, thank you for your time.

 

[RainingSky]

If you have time and the mood for it go ahead.

We the Villains

 

[Yetano]

If you don't mind a Fanfic of Mushoku Tensei (No Smut overall… I kinda despise them), then check this ongoing novel I'm working on : A Ranger's Tensei

I can't promise that it'd be as faithful as Rifujin-sensei does it, as what I describe is… well, I'm not exactly fluent in English, even though I came to know of it since kindergarten, so mind yourself before continuing.

 

[Enoch]

This is my first time writing seriously after years of not even making an attempt.

Mechazoid

The world has been overrun by A.I controlled mecha that seek to destroy human life.

www.scribblehub.com

 

[MansonFD7]

Hello friends,

My name is WinterTimeCrime, but you can call me Winter! I'm currently a college business student with a love for historical fiction, sci-fi, and psychological horror genres.

Most of my writing knowledge came from writing academic papers (both for school and for money) and other scholarly works related to various sciences. However, after the pandemic and was sent back home to study online, I finally got the time to write my first books Akutoku: Wrath, Deceit, and Blood, Vice Lord, and Let's Imagine a Female Knight From Another World (one of which is still ongoing, the other two are being edited and licensed for Kindle Unlimited). I actually wrote Akutoku - A book based in Japan's Edo Period during the Imjin War, while studying abroad in Japan for about four months or so.

Did I mention that I had my start on WebNovel? Yes, it's true! And while I spent my first year writing there, I had several years (since grade school perhaps) of reading translated works, light novels, and other Asian literature. I never really read web novels, and rarely unless they're recommended by a friend or a simple browse... However, if you really want to take your work to the next level, I highly advise you to read western novels and LNs that actually gained a bit of an audience and study the imagery they provide in text in correlation to their anime adaption.

Why did I tell you all this? Well for one, it's to show that I'm still in the chick phase of my writing journey and can still relate to new readers; However, I also have enough experience and knowledge of various genres both reading and writing. Secondly, it was to help you understand that I'm very aware of the subpar quality of novels on WebNovel - And for those who've stayed on the site for a while, prone to using the same techniques as their favorite or fellow authors isn't going to get you very far.

I decided to make a review thread since I'm willing to take the time to review different categories. If you haven't read Space Patroller Miya, I can tell you that I'm very obsessed with psychologically scarring others and weird tropes... So if you have books with perhaps offensive topics, horror aspects, and the like please allow me to review them! But I'm also used to setting romance or characters in the first few chapters so I can help with that too.

Well, what're you waiting for? I'll give you an honest critique but also comment on things you did very well.

I would love to see if you're reviewing mine.

You can give me your feedback via here or PM on my profile.

Scorching Black Vulture

Humans have created technology to embrace the future, since they moved to another planet a century ago. But what if the technology they created suddenly turned against them? A virus that infected the humankind also infected technologies such as computers, and the Androids that they created to...

www.scribblehub.com