How do you feel and how can you turn a friend into girlfriend/boyfriend?

[Discount_Blade]

The one thing I can certainly say with complete honesty and with experience: Is to NEVER take advice on how to get a girlfriend, from a woman. It sounds logical and smart, but it's not. As odd as it sounds, I have never gotten good advice from women, and have only had successful advice granted from another man. Well, I take that back, the only woman that ever gave me even partially useful advice was a lesbian.

So let me reiterate: never take advice from a woman that has never dated another woman. They are never accurate. They are obnoxiously biased and their views are distorted to all hell. And the cliche, "just be yourself" or "be kind and sweet to her". The moment someone says this, immediately ask someone else.

 

[Biggest-Kusa-Out-There]

Communication does everything. It's a magical thing that solves every possible misunderstanding and helps set boundaries for every single relationship you can possibly have in your life. Family, friends, lovers, co-workers, with your boss, with employees... you name it... BAM! Communication.

The second best thing is understanding. Nobody owes you shit, never, period. Respect? Earn it, constantly, for ever, perpetually, eternally, infinitely. As long as you want respect, act accordingly. Same with love. Convince people to love you with your actions first, and words later. Demanding anything will only alienate you from them, and you'll be clowned on.

Attraction is physical at first, and then abstract. Dating rules: 1) Be attractive. 2) Don't be ugly.

 

[Cipiteca396]

If you're having a random-ass conversation with a bunch of pals and the person you likes joins in, you'll suddenly become hyper-aware of everything you're doing, be it body language, the way you talk, or the words you're saying.

Aha this explains everything. Apparently I'm romantically attracted to everyone I've ever met. Good to know.

Maybe in fantasy land, but in real life women are basically animals driven almost completely by their instincts to find a strong/powerful mate.

This is obviously untrue if you know anything about women. Like 85% of women have had a rape fantasy and about half have them regularly. They seriously only look for strength and power on an instinctual level, with very few exceptions.

You seem really bitter about something.

For me, "dating material" are guys that I would feel comfortable being vulnerable with. Someone that I could open my heart to, and feel warm with. Many of these types aren't aggressive (by the "alpha" sense) and nearly all of the guys that I have liked are genuinely nice/caring people. Note that "nice" =/= "beta", in the sense the unconfident, whiny, indecisive are generally bad traits (people who often complain about "beta"-ness are often whiny IMO). The best combination is good-natured/empathetic yet confident and extremely kind.

This so much. So many guys whine about how girls won't even look at them and blame everyone and everything but themselves.

As to the original question, instead of your heart beating faster or whatever, you could try a more... artistic approach. Like the other person's mere presence is inherently fascinating. It doesn't trigger strong emotional responses, instead they just make you feel like you're witnessing a miracle. The sort of wonder you get from reading fantasy for the first time, or seeing a beautiful work of art or nature. I don't really know if other people get that feeling though, sorry.

 

[Sylverius]

Then read a bunch romance novels your parents would probably read?

... They don't.

Women like strength, so just make the guy get stronger. Men like almost anything, so no effort required there. It is actually scientifically proven women judge much harder on appearance than men. TLDR don't be a beta male.

Although men are kind of like that, there are still some with standards albeit like that. Same with girls, I don't want to think of them as "Ooga booga, strong and 6 foot male, ooga booga mate" which is something that us males tend to do but instead of the "6 foot male", "big booba girl" or "pretty girl" or something like that. And yes, MC, though not super attractive, isn't a beta.

There's something that I consider (Fantasy material) vs. (Dating material).

Aggressive bad boy type gangster guys are certainly popular in fantasies, but most women would probably agree that they're way too scary to be with actually. When I was growing up, many of the 'popular' / 'aggressive' guys strongly intimidated me and just not someone I would be comfortable being with.

For me, "dating material" are guys that I would feel comfortable being vulnerable with. Someone that I could open my heart to, and feel warm with. Many of these types aren't aggressive (by the "alpha" sense) and nearly all of the guys that I have liked are genuinely nice/caring people. Note that "nice" =/= "beta", in the sense the unconfident, whiny, indecisive are generally bad traits (people who often complain about "beta"-ness are often whiny IMO). The best combination is good-natured/empathetic yet confident and extremely kind.

I don't really think too many women judge as hard as you claim on appearance.

Maybe for tinder and flings, but for stable/serious relationships, it's a mix of a multitude of factors mostly related to how how well they can foresee a life together in the future. I do think many women often have stricter criteria than men (i.e. smokes = automatic no / no income = automatic no), but appearance often is usually not a definite criteria point.

Straight fucking facts right here.

If you ask us who have no experience in romance/dating what its like to fall in love with someone, either way its gonna come up with what we think falling in love is like versus how we may actually feel when we fall in love.

There are romance stories that are more believable and has some traits in reality and then there are romance stories that are just go on without a brain. Sort the ones out, pick traits that you feel is actually grounded in or resemble some pieces of irl to build your romance development between charactesr.

Or better yet, look at couples in real life, perhaps parents or relatives, friends, etc. How is their love relationship? That is real life, and it gives you some idea how relationships are like though ofc, not every romance irl is like that.

... Good point, but they don't know I'm actually making a novel as a hobby. If they knew, they'd laugh at me for it, which is something I'd like to avoid happening.

I cringe every time I see it on Wattpad. Or those rich CEO stories.

I agree with this statement, but instead of just cringing, I abandon it all together because I know it's just going to be something I myself, don't like.

One example, this couple. Guy may not be the best in appearance or the strongest, but decent average person. But he was there for her, even during times when it was hard. And girl fell in love with him over time. And when guy many years later had to go through a stressful situation, she was also there to help and support him all the way.

Funnily enough, this is my MC's and the FMC's situation, good job.

My guess when you fall in love with someone is that you feel happy or smile like when their names come up on your phone, happy and cherish the moment or activities you do with each other, etc. Your heart panics and you fill with worry when something may have or has happened to them. Etc. Can't really describe it bc how everyone falls in love may vary and be a bit different.

Thanks for your reply, I'll be sure to add that kind of idea in the story since it's actually a pretty good and realistic approach IMO.

If you're having a random-ass conversation with a bunch of pals and the person you likes joins in, you'll suddenly become hyper-aware of everything you're doing, be it body language, the way you talk, or the words you're saying.

Wait really?

Honestly, I can only say that I've ever seen a single couple that I could, from a bystander's POV, call happy together, or loving each other. I feel our society kinda gently forces people to start dating or get married etc. But I digress.
They stuck a lot around each other and I didn't really feel like they tried to be anything more than themselves, but they did work to become better
Like, the boy (it was a bg couple) began to dress much nicer and his haircut became neater, the girl seemed to also become more careful.
They didn't talk to each other a lot, but they, I dunno, reacted to things as one? It's hard to explain.
Teens change fast, their opinions and emotions go all over the place, so writing realistic "true love" with them as focus is practically impossible. The advice I give is based on assumption that the characters you have, have fully formed personalities and priorities and goals. If they are below 20, you should really try to check for realism in your story and maybe you'll reconsider not just taking notes from romcoms.
It's because of them that I think that romance should be more organic, nothing firework-like, no doki-doki nonsense. Just have your characters go "how about we try", have them be a bit awkward and then slowly make them more natural around each other.
Don't go "the other person makes me feel butterflies in my stomach", go "it's nice to have someone to care fore, and have them care back for you"
Try to not add too much drama, if you go for the realism angle, no rivals, no misunderstandings, or have them talk things out instead of acting unreasonable.
Have you characters find annoying parts of one another and slowly, over the course of episodes or less, have them resolve such conflicts.
Romance is almost never that interesting in real life, so make it a background slow burn.
As an aromantic, I don't really get how dating works, so I kinda copy-paste stuff in my stories from templates based on other stories, so take my words with a huge fistful of salt.

Oh, they're just 13-14 in age (except for MC's mental age. Yes, it's isekai.), and no, I don't wanna take notes from romcoms either. Yes, they do have their flaws, and I do plan on letting them slowly resolve it. Don't worry, I'm someone who hasn't felt love from someone other than my family MY WHOLE DAMN LIFE.

Women going after men just cause they are strong is more fantasy world like. Nowadays most people just want some who make them feel like they are loved and special, or someone they can enjoy themselves with.

I agree.

This is obviously untrue if you know anything about women. Like 85% of women have had a rape fantasy and about half have them regularly. They seriously only look for strength and power on an instinctual level, with very few exceptions.

Sure, they have these rape fantasies. I can agree to that since some of my female friends DO have rape fantasies with THEIR LOVED ONES, but they don't like rape at all. Ironic, ain't it? And funnily enough, I did ask them about why they like the guy they like. They said: smart, funny, handsome/fit. That's just it. Sure, they're Alpha in a sense that they aren't fat and lazy like me, but I'm sure as heck that they aren't the smartest or funniest or the most handsome guy in our school or the most of what they've seen of all the guys.

We are a generation of people starved for attention, I feel I don't need to elaborate further.

Yes, and I don't know why clout chasing is good for them. Superiority/inferiority complex maybe?

Imo as someone with experience in both - you don't really progress from one to another. Friendships stay friendships. Unless they were originally the uncertain/flirty friendships due to both parties being too shy with telling their real feeling, so to say. Or too dense to realise their own feelings themselves.

If you do want to progress that way - imo you needed to show some spark of attraction early on, or have some sort of event that shook their perception of one another to the core. For example, they have never seen each other undressed and suddenly they are on the beach and now there are feelings that they weren't prepared for. Or one sees the other doing something that triggers some kink/attraction/desire in a partner and forces them to re-evaluate said friend as a potential partner.

... Good idea.

All I can add is that a little humour goes a long way. This is for both gf/bf.

I mean, you're not wrong...

So let me reiterate: never take advice from a woman that has never dated another woman. They are never accurate. They are obnoxiously biased and their views are distorted to all hell. And the cliche, "just be yourself" or "be kind and sweet to her". The moment someone says this, immediately ask someone else.

You fuckin had me in the first half, not gonna lie.

Communication does everything. It's a magical thing that solves every possible misunderstanding and helps set boundaries for every single relationship you can possibly have in your life. Family, friends, lovers, co-workers, with your boss, with employees... you name it... BAM! Communication.

The second best thing is understanding. Nobody owes you shit, never, period. Respect? Earn it, constantly, for ever, perpetually, eternally, infinitely. As long as you want respect, act accordingly. Same with love. Convince people to love you with your actions first, and words later. Demanding anything will only alienate you from them, and you'll be clowned on.

Attraction is physical at first, and then abstract. Dating rules: 1) Be attractive. 2) Don't be ugly.

... I mean... You're not wrong...

This so much. So many guys whine about how girls won't even look at them and blame everyone and everything but themselves.

Yeah, and people like that are annoying to deal with.

As to the original question, instead of your heart beating faster or whatever, you could try a more... artistic approach. Like the other person's mere presence is inherently fascinating. It doesn't trigger strong emotional responses, instead they just make you feel like you're witnessing a miracle. The sort of wonder you get from reading fantasy for the first time, or seeing a beautiful work of art or nature. I don't really know if other people get that feeling though, sorry.

Nah, it's okay. Anything helps unless it's stupid.

 

[Deleted member 45782]

... Good point, but they don't know I'm actually making a novel as a hobby. If they knew, they'd laugh at me for it, which is something I'd like to avoid happening.

Don't have to tell them you're writing a story. Just ask them how they fell in love with each other. What made them decide choose and stay with that person. Stuff like that. Listen to some elders, they be pretty happy to reiterate the nth time how they came to fall in love/rescue/or whatever interesting story they have with hint of exaggeration lol.

Edit: would suggest maybe not copy their story down to a t unless ok with it, but take inspiration with some traits/parts of their story and whip it into something new yet relatable in a way. like example given for that one couple. not much exact details, but gist of how they came to be together.

I agree with this statement, but instead of just cringing, I abandon it all together because I know it's just going to be something I myself, don't like.

True. Most of time nowadays I don't bother reading the story if I can tell the type of certain story tropes it already hints in its synopsis. The few that were suggested to me on Wattpad - well there weren't many stories I finished - ones that were cliché and ones that were unique so that's that. I lost interest quickly I guess.

Funnily enough, this is my MC's and the FMC's situation, good job.

Interesting. Never read your story but yeah, situation where love develops over time bc of the support from each other in the relationship exists.

 

[LinXueLian]

Mmm well, if it helps, I'm pretty sure anyone can fall in love and still remain a virgin. It really depends on who you are or what you're like. So yeah, don't worry about it!

As for myself.... hmmm... I've dated a few people, one in particular I got quite attached to before we decided we had to part ways due to circumstances and career. I do recall when I was in love with him I always wanted to contact him often? There's this itch to reach out to your phone and text him, or I'd bum around my room and think of stuff to make for him or buy it for him. If I get interesting news, I'd want to share it with him first!

None of the guys I dated were friends first though, so I can't help you in that area. They were introduced to me by my friends - so basically they were my friends' friends. Some asked me out, some I asked out myself. Type-wise, they tend to be the gentle, kind types - friendly, loving, thoughtful and considerate towards other people, animals, etc. In terms of physique, some were tall, some average, some medium.... the one I liked most was plump and shorter than me. He loved deeply, and before he left for Japan he gave me a drawing tablet to cheer me on my path in the art industry. Every time I use it I remember him.

I'm a pretty gutsy and mischievous girl, so... they're probably my opposites in a sense? I'm not too into the rough types myself so I've turned those down personally, but I'm sure some other girls are into the rough types too. I don't know if you can turn a friend into a lover, though. For some relationships leading to love happens naturally, but for some like mine, one party just has to ask.

One user here said humor goes a long way! I agree! We took our relationships seriously but still knew how to laugh and relax and give some breathing space. But like most things, it also depends on the person! One of my ex-classmate's girlfriend hates jokes because she's a very serious person. You can't joke around in a relationship with her. But she is very, very committed to the relationship and is very loyal to him. So it's a give-and-take.

I suppose before you write your romance parts, you'll first have to know what your characters are like. It's only then that you can decide how they'd go about feeling the feelings they do, however deep or shallow. Love and hate comes in many forms, after all.

 

[Sylverius]

the one I liked most was plump and shorter than me.

MEN! THERE IS HOPE!

I suppose before you write your romance parts, you'll first have to know what your characters are like. It's only then that you can decide how they'd go about feeling the feelings they do, however deep or shallow. Love and hate comes in many forms, after all.

Thanks! I felt like your replies have been both informative and entertaining, so thank you for giving/sharing your own experience/answers!

Interesting. Never read your story but yeah, situation where love develops over time bc of the support from each other in the relationship exists.

THEN IT MEANS IT'S VIABLE BOYS, WE HAVE THE ANSWER

 

[EternalSunset0]

Mmm well, if it helps, I'm pretty sure anyone can fall in love and still remain a virgin. It really depends on who you are or what you're like. So yeah, don't worry about it!

As for myself.... hmmm... I've dated a few people, one in particular I got quite attached to before we decided we had to part ways due to circumstances and career. I do recall when I was in love with him I always wanted to contact him often? There's this itch to reach out to your phone and text him, or I'd bum around my room and think of stuff to make for him or buy it for him. If I get interesting news, I'd want to share it with him first!

None of the guys I dated were friends first though, so I can't help you in that area. They were introduced to me by my friends - so basically they were my friends' friends. Some asked me out, some I asked out myself. Type-wise, they tend to be the gentle, kind types - friendly, loving, thoughtful and considerate towards other people, animals, etc. In terms of physique, some were tall, some average, some medium.... the one I liked most was plump and shorter than me. He loved deeply, and before he left for Japan he gave me a drawing tablet to cheer me on my path in the art industry. Every time I use it I remember him.

I'm a pretty gutsy and mischievous girl, so... they're probably my opposites in a sense? I'm not too into the rough types myself so I've turned those down personally, but I'm sure some other girls are into the rough types too. I don't know if you can turn a friend into a lover, though. For some relationships leading to love happens naturally, but for some like mine, one party just has to ask.

One user here said humor goes a long way! I agree! We took our relationships seriously but still knew how to laugh and relax and give some breathing space. But like most things, it also depends on the person! One of my ex-classmate's girlfriend hates jokes because she's a very serious person. You can't joke around in a relationship with her. But she is very, very committed to the relationship and is very loyal to him. So it's a give-and-take.

I suppose before you write your romance parts, you'll first have to know what your characters are like. It's only then that you can decide how they'd go about feeling the feelings they do, however deep or shallow. Love and hate comes in many forms, after all.

I had more fun reading this anecdote than I expected. For someone who's never been in a relationship, I can visualize some of them rather clearly... I think? It really helped a lot in perspective since you also described them and yourself in terms of personality and dynamic.

 

[Freemints30]

Here's the thing. Think of their personalities and establish sparks early. To get this out there I had never nor ever want to date anyone period, however I had a thing called eyes, observations and common sense. A friendship that has gone on a LONG while without any romantic hints on both ends usually either stays a friendship or is very one-sided and wouldn't go anywhere without the whole thing crumbling.

The thing is child-hood friend romance, rarely works IRL, cus usually if the kids were friends since they were 3.. high chance they see each other more as siblings due to a psychological effect (reason why step-siblings and adopted siblings at a young age rarely get romantic feelings).

Also Teen romance realistically is doomed to fail for a variety of reasons. Teens grow and change. What they are and want now will be different in a few years and a relationship dynamic may change completely. Also teens are garbage, sorry not sorry. They tend to view romance very shallowy and prefer the "ideal type" Ie a fictional girl/boy that is unhealthy irl (bad boys, girls who are just pretty and are cold, ect). An adult has time to mature, and manage to grow out of this. (not always thou.. Ive seen tons of immature ass adults who whine about why a partner doesn't meet their 100 standard list, both men and women. But these people are simply too immature to form a relationship anyway. So just pity them)

However if you still want to write a healthy teen romance, maybe establish them as rather emotionally mature kids and able to do actually talk to one another when thier relationship developes.

Some romances are obvious and quick with all the doki doki's in in the world, others are slow, gradual and subtle.

Some are just ..

."wanna marry..."
"sure why not"

Yeah think of the personalities and make them actually enjoy spending time. (too many crappy romance have the leads just fight and argue and all I can think is "this shit ain't gonna last without stockhome symdrome)

 

[HelenBold]

Reading this thread was both illuminating and disappointing. Some concepts seem to be tangled in the minds of people. For example, that thing about women having rape fantasies. Sure, they may have, but how many of us really want their fantasies to come to life? After you give your answer to this question, you will have the answer if women look only for power and strength in men.

Now, regarding the main question. From a man's perspective, it would be an easy transition from friendship to a romantic relationship. Form a woman's perspective, it will be harder. Not impossible, but harder. Friendzone is a real thing. Been there and tried to overcome it. Dating your former best friend is tough. You see a guy on the street and want to gossip about him with your friends, but ooops, now he isn't just your friend anymore. Extremely awkward and I will not do that ever again.

As for how being in love feels like, that is different for each person. You can ask 100 people and most probably you will get 100 different responses. Everyone wants something different to be happy and that is love, my friend. I will end my ranting here. Have a nice day!

 

[Sylverius]

Friendzone is a real thing

How many times have I been sent there...

You see a guy on the street and want to gossip about him with your friends, but ooops, now he isn't just your friend anymore. Extremely awkward and I will not do that ever again.

Yeah, that is a bit awkward. But if you're like me who has no shame, then I guess that's... Eh?
I'm not saying it's good to have no shame, and I won't say that it's good to do that kind of situation because I'm still single *cries in the corner*
All I'll say is, I'll get there when I get there.

As for how being in love feels like, that is different for each person. You can ask 100 people and most probably you will get 100 different responses. Everyone wants something different to be happy and that is love, my friend.

Yeah, I finally asked my family about that and they said the same thing so... I guess?
Well, all's well as long as it ends well I guess.

I will end my ranting here. Have a nice day!

Haha, thanks!

Now my answers might be confusing right now, and that's because I only slept for 3 hours. 3 DANG HOURS, and now I can't sleep at all.

 

[LinXueLian]

MEN! THERE IS HOPE!

Mmm yeah! It may sound like unlikely to most, but I think there are different ways "sparks" happen. It's not that I like shorter or fat guys in particular - like almost every girl out there, my dream guy looks like Chris Hemsworth or Jason Momoa - but it just happened that I really liked him.

It's easy to say, "I like guys/girls who can laugh at my jokes", but sometimes it's a complete miss even if it's true. So words can only describe preferences so much. It's when you're sitting there that sparks happen or don't happen.

I think even with men it's the same. My younger brother is very tall and looks like a Korean film star. But his ex-girlfriend and current-wife-to-be are the brainy, articulate types. The ex was stocky with a very plain face and the current one is overweight. My brother's a philosopher by nature and as far as I know, he's very attracted to intelligence and independence and doesn't look at looks at all. He loves all of her.

Thanks! I felt like your replies have been both informative and entertaining, so thank you for giving/sharing your own experience/answers!

No problem! Every experience is different though - remember it going forward!

Also, bear in mind that the demographic you're writing for probably won't have experience with romance either. It's alright to bluff a little and not write things realistically; it's not like they'll know and complain. People read to fantasize - I feel it's not a bad thing to just keep it entertaining as well.

I had more fun reading this anecdote than I expected. For someone who's never been in a relationship, I can visualize some of them rather clearly... I think? It really helped a lot in perspective since you also described them and yourself in terms of personality and dynamic.

Hahaha thanks! The last four drawings you see in my thread were made using the tablet he gave me; before that it was just my old, decrepit phone. I tried it out on the day he gave me.... then not used it at all, once last year, I think, then stopped..... and now frequently using it about three years after he left.

Some things take time!

 

[luxia]

My fiance is my childhood friend and my next door neighbor so.... it does happen... even if it sounds crazy...

 

[tiaf]

If you ask us who have no experience in romance/dating what its like to fall in love with someone, either way its gonna come up with what we think falling in love is like versus how we may actually feel when we fall in love.

There are romance stories that are more believable and has some traits in reality and then there are romance stories that are just go on without a brain. Sort the ones out, pick traits that you feel is actually grounded in or resemble some pieces of irl to build your romance development between charactesr.

Or better yet, look at couples in real life, perhaps parents or relatives, friends, etc. How is their love relationship? That is real life, and it gives you some idea how relationships are like though ofc, not every romance irl is like that.


No, not all women like just strength. Some may, but others also don't.

Irl there are plenty of relationships where the guy and the girl is not the strongest or the prettiest. Just look at when you go to grocery shopping and see couples at supermarket. People walking around you in streets and people you see. Its all glammed up in fiction, most of us just average couples. ofc, there are ones that are occasionally like that too.

I agree with @ohko sometimes you can't tell when they fall in love and it happens gradually. And women don't always go for the bad boys, I cringe every time I see it on Wattpad. Or those rich CEO stories. Stories like to exaggerate things, but if it was really irl, we will find it downright creepy or just a No. Sure, there's some that do, but settling down? I think most of us don't want to date bad boys, most of us like someone who will treat us with care, decent and there for us, etc. and this is someone who we fall in love with.

Besides just the appearance, things that make women fall in love with you is also how you are also there to encourage and support them. There is chemistry, etc. Perhaps not the fling fling romance or the superficial romance, but people look for relationships that will make them happy. And this can also go for guys and girls too.

One example, this couple. Guy may not be the best in appearance or the strongest, but decent average person. But he was there for her, even during times when it was hard. And girl fell in love with him over time. And when guy many years later had to go through a stressful situation, she was also there to help and support him all the way.

My guess when you fall in love with someone is that you feel happy or smile like when their names come up on your phone, happy and cherish the moment or activities you do with each other, etc. Your heart panics and you fill with worry when something may have or has happened to them. Etc. Can't really describe it bc how everyone falls in love may vary and be a bit different.

Very wholesome and TRUE answer.

This is obviously untrue if you know anything about women. Like 85% of women have had a rape fantasy and about half have them regularly. They seriously only look for strength and power on an instinctual level, with very few exceptions.

No. Sounds straight out toxic. That’s an insult to any woman that was sexually harassed/assaulted. Imagination is also not the same as real life.

 

[Bartun]

Context: my story's approaching a romance section, but I have 0 experience with romance at all.

So, I know all of us virgins need some romance experience, but how do you feel when you fall in love with someone? Does your heart beat loud or some cheesy/cringe-y shit like that? Or something else different? And how can you turn that same someone into your gf/bf?

It deppends on many things, it works different in real-life than in fiction. You get to feel those intense emotions when you are crushing on someone really hard, you get to feel this strong emotional/sexual desire that makes your face blush, your heart pump like crazy, your stomach filled with butterflies and your mind a mess. It is a big turn-off and tends to push girls away. It happens to us all and most people get over it just as quickly. That's most men first experience with love, the second time you get to be more wary, more calm and calculated, as to avoid messing things up, with much higher chances of success.

But falling in love, like true-love is more of a choise in the same way that you choose to "let go" of someone you love, it takes time and effort. Like a mother who loves her ungrateful son no matter what, or a woman that chooses to forgive a cheating partner, or follow her husband beyond the grave. It is a concious choise. You go the extra mile to love someone, even if that someone doesn't love you.

In fiction however, and very rarely on real life too, outside circunstances often mandated by the plot help push people together. When there is hardship and people have to rely on each other, it creates a strong bond. That bond turns into a strong friendship that later can blossom into platonic love and even romantic love. That's why friends to lovers is common in fiction but extremely rare in real life, it takes a life-threatening situation to push friends into lovers. That's also why combat veterans call each other "Brothers in Arms" or "Battle Brothers".

In the real world, if you become a woman's friend, that's pretty much it. Is not going to change and your best course of action is to bail out of the friendship entirely, it will only make you miserable.

My best description of how you feel when you "true-love" someone would be, you care, you care a lot. You worry a lot too, and you try your goddamn best to support them. If something bad happens, you are the first one to show up, and you choose to stay even when everyone else has left. It sounds like the kind of thing that a mother or a brother would do because that's how true love is. It doesn't ask for anything in return.

Hope this helps.

Imo as someone with experience in both - you don't really progress from one to another. Friendships stay friendships. Unless they were originally the uncertain/flirty friendships due to both parties being too shy with telling their real feeling, so to say. Or too dense to realise their own feelings themselves.

If you do want to progress that way - imo you needed to show some spark of attraction early on, or have some sort of event that shook their perception of one another to the core. For example, they have never seen each other undressed and suddenly they are on the beach and now there are feelings that they weren't prepared for. Or one sees the other doing something that triggers some kink/attraction/desire in a partner and forces them to re-evaluate said friend as a potential partner.

This is spot on.

 

[Derin_Edala]

My 100% foolproof method is to fall head over heels in love with someone who's not interested in your gender, continue to enjoy your deep and abiding friendship while never saying anything, and wait for her to eventually move back to India and get married so you can occasionally get a confusing little pang of grief and nostalgia combined with joy at how happy she is when you see her on facebook.

Probably not the most exciting romance to write a novel about though.

 

[Way]

Maybe in fantasy land, but in real life women are basically animals driven almost completely by their instincts to find a strong/powerful mate.

Women like strength, so just make the guy get stronger. Men like almost anything, so no effort required there. It is actually scientifically proven women judge much harder on appearance than men. TLDR don't be a beta male.

This is obviously untrue if you know anything about women. Like 85% of women have had a rape fantasy and about half have them regularly. They seriously only look for strength and power on an instinctual level, with very few exceptions.

Man, this is unironically a super well-thought-out troll response.

"don't be a beta"
'women are basically animals driven almost completely by their instincts to find a strong/powerful mate"
'if you know anything about women"

It hits all the almost stereotypical points of the dudebro that thinks they've gotten women figured out through statistics either applied without considering context or sourced from the Trust Me Bro Foundation, along with a healthy dose of pseudoscientific psychology and thus is so out of sync with reality that they forget that most couples are average people with some alright qualities that usually don't include strength and power besides the amount needed to push through life.

Paired with the 'Based Writer' title and the joker floch profile picture, this is absolute gold. Honestly, good job!

The one thing I can certainly say with complete honesty and with experience: Is to NEVER take advice on how to get a girlfriend, from a woman. It sounds logical and smart, but it's not. As odd as it sounds, I have never gotten good advice from women, and have only had successful advice granted from another man. Well, I take that back, the only woman that ever gave me even partially useful advice was a lesbian.

So let me reiterate: never take advice from a woman that has never dated another woman. They are never accurate. They are obnoxiously biased and their views are distorted to all hell. And the cliche, "just be yourself" or "be kind and sweet to her". The moment someone says this, immediately ask someone else.

Ah yeah- simply put, perspective matters.

Asking someone of the opposite sex on dating advice will yield you a perspective on what they personally like, which could give some insight that may not be necessarily helpful since most of the time, they won't have experience dating their own sex- which is the important part as ultimately, what you are looking for is advice on how to start and maintain a relationship with someone, which only people that have actual experience will know first-hand.

 

[Lloyd]

Man, this is unironically a super well-thought-out troll response.

"don't be a beta"
'women are basically animals driven almost completely by their instincts to find a strong/powerful mate"
'if you know anything about women"

It hits all the almost stereotypical points of the dudebro that thinks they've gotten women figured out through statistics either applied without considering context or sourced from the Trust Me Bro Foundation, along with a healthy dose of pseudoscientific psychology and thus is so out of sync with reality that they forget that most couples are average people with some alright qualities that usually don't include strength and power besides the amount needed to push through life.

Paired with the 'Based Writer' title and the joker floch profile picture, this is absolute gold. Honestly, good job!

Ah yeah- simply put, perspective matters.

Asking someone of the opposite sex on dating advice will yield you a perspective on what they personally like, which could give some insight that may not be necessarily helpful since most of the time, they won't have experience dating their own sex- which is the important part as ultimately, what you are looking for is advice on how to start and maintain a relationship with someone, which only people that have actual experience will know first-hand.

Finally a man of culture.

 

[Discount_Blade]

Personally, I've known men to judge harder on appearance while women on average, are more wealth/status-based. Though the "dont be beta" isn't the best way to put it, IT IS partially true in an unironic way. Simply put, don't be the "nice guy". The nice guy does not win. The nice guy is almost hilariously outgunned in the dating arena by the "bad boy". I'm not saying be an asshole on purpose, but let's be real, it's observationally amusing how often I've seen women gravitate towards the attractive but slightly asshole-y guy and leave out the equally handsome but very nice guy. I've only ever seen a "nice guy" win this contest once, and he won because he was from a wealthy family. I mean dude owned more rings, chains, necklaces etc. than I have fucking clothing articles in my closet. Its amazing how much money people waste on things like jewelry.

Anyway, not saying be an ass to women, but I am saying don't be overly nice either. They will not respect you for it, or even how nice you were in the long run, and you will almost assuredly lose to the stereotypical badboy waiting around the corner. And I'm not referring to the creepy or passively-agressive "nice guy" types. I mean just the general good guys who put women on a pedestal and treat her as a princess. No. Do not do the princess shit. That is a bad move and they will not appreciate it. A rare breed might, but the average woman will see that as a weakness. Me personally, I don't think I was a bad boy. But I did have very little patience with nonsense that seems to damn near always appear when a group of women get together and compare their men. One of the most common reasons I dumped a women is because she got to talking with her "girlfriends" and they for whatever reason, made her insecure. Which led to unnecessary drama.

Has happened to at least half of my relationships. Likely more than half. Nowadays, as soon as I hear "my friends and I were talking about you", I immediately shut that conversation down because I know where it almost always leads. I typically dropped the whole situation and the girl as well after the second argument. Now, I don't even bother with the first argument.

What is it with women being unable to not ruin their fellow woman's relationships? I have NEVER seen a group of guy friends do this to eachother. Only ever heard encouragement unless one of the guys also liked the same girl, and even then it was rare. Women, even if they could care less about the guy himself, seem to have this pathological need to stir up shit between themselves when it comes to dating the moment they get together in a group and discuss.