how to nicely break up with someone

lemongrove

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I have a date today, but I find that I don't love them anymore. How do you nicely break up with someone, but also make them feel good about themselves?

Also I felt like it's terrible to break up over text so I'll rather say it. Um.... the last time I broke up with someone we were still friends so I did something right there.
 

BenJepheneT

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be blunt without sugar coating anything.

the best respect you can pay to a former love interest is honesty. don't just hide it behind a text. ask to meet up without any flirtatious undertones and set a serious mood. chances are, your partner has invested as much effort into the relationship as you had. it's only fair that you take responsibility and deal with it upfront. give your reasoning, and state your intentions.

anything less would be akin to cowardice.

if your partner can't accept your ideas, or a halfway point can't be met, then by then you can probably start to see the cracks on why the relationship didn't work in the first place.
 

RavenRunes

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I agree. Nothing worse than not being told why you're being dumped. If I'd been afforded the respect of being told, I could have dealt with it better. It took a while to find out it wasn't me, he was just a cheating twat.

You could say 'I really value the time we've spent together and I'll always have great memories but I'm not in love with you anymore for whatever reason.'
If it's something they did, tell them. If it's just that you don't find them attractive or you don't have much in common or you want something else out of life, then say so.

You're not responsible for their reaction, only for your own honesty.
 

Anon2021

?????????
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Lol, the only way they'll feel good is if they wanted to break up with you first and then it's mutual.
Or if it wasn't that serious in the first place.

Everyone is going to react differently. If you're not interested in being with that person anymore then the question is how well do you know them. If you don't know them well it might be better to do it over the phone since you don't know how they will react. Safety first.

Being friends after a relationship has nothing to do with whether you "did something right" but how the other person feels after the break up.

You can't control how other people feel. You can't be responsible for their reaction.

In life. Shit happens. That's all there is to it.
 

Poleg

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I have a date today, but I find that I don't love them anymore. How do you nicely break up with someone, but also make them feel good about themselves?

Also I felt like it's terrible to break up over text so I'll rather say it. Um.... the last time I broke up with someone we were still friends so I did something right there.
Be honest.
A break up is a pretty shit situation, so no matter what you do the other person will be hurt.
 

whitesculptor

The princess whispers & the keyboard clacks.
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If you want them to not feel as bad, you can just say its not their fault. Its your own, that you've changed, and you see the world and live differently, you can adhere to a multitude of excuses, and you know the person better than us. I'm sure you can think on things that will alleviate the other person pain. And if you go at it through a text, I'm inclined to think it was an online relationship that may have lasted a little time. If that was it then it shouldn't be too hard. If it was a real life one, where you spent time together, went on dates, and all that normal stuff, you can just be direct, apologise, and tell them that you'll always have a place for them in your heart as a friend. (In case you want to remain friends, if not just ghost the person.)
It sounds like this person hasn't done you any wrong, so it feels like its in your best interest to fight for a friendship. (Do give them time to recover though.)
Good luck out there!
 

lemongrove

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If you want them to not feel as bad, you can just say its not their fault. Its your own, that you've changed, and you see the world and live differently, you can adhere to a multitude of excuses, and you know the person better than us. I'm sure you can think on things that will alleviate the other person pain. And if you go at it through a text, I'm inclined to think it was an online relationship that may have lasted a little time. If that was it then it shouldn't be too hard. If it was a real life one, where you spent time together, went on dates, and all that normal stuff, you can just be direct, apologise, and tell them that you'll always have a place for them in your heart as a friend. (In case you want to remain friends, if not just ghost the person.)
It sounds like this person hasn't done you any wrong, so it feels like its in your best interest to fight for a friendship. (Do give them time to recover though.)
Good luck out there!
TvT they were a really good person and a friend.... I'm just so sad at the thought of hurting them by saying breaking up. but love can't be forced so it's better to say it now instead of wasting their time
 

Anon2021

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TvT they were a really good person and a friend.... I'm just so sad at the thought of hurting them by saying breaking up. but love can't be forced so it's better to say it now instead of wasting their time
Something tells me you're quite young.
Love is a choice.
Feelings can't be forced though. That's true, but if you base love on just feelings it's going to be very hard in life. I'm not saying you shouldn't break up, but perhaps you really need to do some soul searching and ask whether you know what 'love' is before getting into another relationship.

Sorry if it sounds harsh, but that's all I wanted to say.
 

whitesculptor

The princess whispers & the keyboard clacks.
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TvT they were a really good person and a friend.... I'm just so sad at the thought of hurting them by saying breaking up. but love can't be forced so it's better to say it now instead of wasting their time
Agreed, the longer you take, the more painful it'll be. Brace yourself, and do what's right.
If you truly cherish the person, giving them the opportunity to find a matching soul mate, is the right thing to do.
And you will eventually find someone that matches you more.
Life is just that, a bunch of decisions and consequences, might as well go for the ones that will make us the happiest in a long term perspective.
 

Erys

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I have a date today, but I find that I don't love them anymore. How do you nicely break up with someone, but also make them feel good about themselves?

Also I felt like it's terrible to break up over text so I'll rather say it. Um.... the last time I broke up with someone we were still friends so I did something right there.
Here's how.
 

LilRora

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Apart from all the advice above, I can add that in relationships the most important thing is to talk. The relationship in romantic sense ceases to exist only after the break up (please don't find reasons why it's not, cause we all know we can prove either, but that's not the point), hence talking about it is the most important thing.

A break up will never feel good for both sides, but there is a stark difference between feeling bad about the break up and feeling bad because someone dumped you without good explanation.
 

TheEldritchGod

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I have a date today, but I find that I don't love them anymore. How do you nicely break up with someone, but also make them feel good about themselves?

Also I felt like it's terrible to break up over text so I'll rather say it. Um.... the last time I broke up with someone we were still friends so I did something right there.

Okay.
1. Meet them face to face.
2. Tell the truth because if you lie, I promise you, it is so much harder to keep your story straight over time and you will regret it.
3. If it is because of how you feel, say, "I don't want to date anymore." Don't explain WHY because then you get into bargaining.
4. If you are doing this because you have a BBD, yer an asshole.
5. Change the locks and park somewhere else for a while to keep your tires from getting slashed.
6. Wait at least a week before dating someone else.
7. Wait at least 3 months before considered dating them again.
8. Don't be friends afterwards. Be polite. but not friends. Men and women can't be friends in the long run.
9. A clean break is best. It doesn't jerk them around and it allows you to move on.
 

lemongrove

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Okay.
1. Meet them face to face.
2. Tell the truth because if you lie, I promise you, it is so much harder to keep your story straight over time and you will regret it.
3. If it is because of how you feel, say, "I don't want to date anymore." Don't explain WHY because then you get into bargaining.
4. If you are doing this because you have a BBD, yer an asshole.
5. Change the locks and park somewhere else for a while to keep your tires from getting slashed.
6. Wait at least a week before dating someone else.
7. Wait at least 3 months before considered dating them again.
8. Don't be friends afterwards. Be polite. but not friends. Men and women can't be friends in the long run.
9. A clean break is best. It doesn't jerk them around and it allows you to move on.
what's bbd, also who said they were a girl? (or the fact that yall think I'm a dude).

they won't slash my car tires, doesn't own a car.
Also I just told them that I wanted to break up with them and we got back together (?). They made me cookies and won my heart back.
 

lemongrove

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I was honestly thinking of something dirty, since I thought they thought you were a man
... I'm a very innocent high schooler. I thought they mean bbd as like a name for something like babygirl. or like another person who's close with me. But I don't have a bbd. Google has made my horizons open up even further than I wished today.
 

Leficios

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... I'm a very innocent high schooler. I thought they mean bbd as like a name for something like babygirl. or like another person who's close with me. But I don't have a bbd. Google has made my horizons open up even further than I wished today.
Oh, I was right? My bad.
 
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