How to properly write multiple POV in a scene where they are all together

[NotaNuffian]

I have this problem when I write in normal setting, I have this problem as well when I try to incorporate an orgy/ cattle farm and I have this problem when I try to write about my MC going Lu Bu in Dynasty Warrior as he bashes skulls of mooks into their chest cavity like Doom.

I can't transition to the next character properly for some odd reason. The basis of how I wrote is as such:
1. Character A's experience, maybe inner monologue.
2. Cut to a general scene where something happened or something happening to Character B.
3. Character B's experience and maybe inner monologue.

And oftentimes I might not even include in point 2 because I thought to myself that the scene is still ongoing, do I have to rewrite what happened.

And when I do write it down, the thing feels like a femur jutted out from the skin as I write it.

I know that many advices are on "find your favorite writer and emulate them" and I did tried, the second is to "git gud and grind", so unless you have a third sentence of advice to make my sentence structure not awkward, I thank you for your words. If not, I thank you for reading.

 

[greyblob]

I have this problem when I write in normal setting, I have this problem as well when I try to incorporate an orgy/ cattle farm and I have this problem when I try to write about my MC going Lu Bu in Dynasty Warrior as he bashes skulls of mooks into their chest cavity like Doom.

I can't transition to the next character properly for some odd reason. The basis of how I wrote is as such:
1. Character A's experience, maybe inner monologue.
2. Cut to a general scene where something happened or something happening to Character B.
3. Character B's experience and maybe inner monologue.

And oftentimes I might not even include in point 2 because I thought to myself that the scene is still ongoing, do I have to rewrite what happened.

And when I do write it down, the thing feels like a femur jutted out from the skin as I write it.

I know that many advices are on "find your favorite writer and emulate them" and I did tried, the second is to "git gud and grind", so unless you have a third sentence of advice to make my sentence structure not awkward, I thank you for your words. If not, I thank you for reading.

I had a similar struggle recently, and I managed to somewhat make it work. I don't know about switching from limited 3rd to omniscient and vice versa, but I can tell you a few of the things that helped me.

1. Do not overlap POVs in one paragraph. Each character get their own.
2. Keep it flowing: Character A did something (in paragraph 1), Character B reacts in (paragraph 2)
3. Don't reference characters ambiguously. If it's John's paragraph, make sure to mention his name or a clear reference to him first.

These are the biggest differences I noticed when switching from 1st to 3rd. It'd be great if you have a sample or a small example since I might be forgetting something.

 

[Layenlml]

Well the best way to solve this kind of problem is usually finding a example. Sadly I dont remember any

If you will constantly change the PoV, using different types of letters or using sme kind of obious separation line lines or the straigth:

*Change of PoV to X*
I ws angry so I kicked a can in the road

And now a weird looking guy is looking at me...
"What are looking at" i yelled
*Change of PoV to Y*

I dropped my can... and some angry looking guy judt kicked before I could pick it up...
"What are you looking at" he yelled
What a weird day..

Looks weird tho

 

[Temple]

So it's one scene and you're going to switch povs all throughout? So that's either going to be omniscient (hard asf to write and not that used in modern writing) or you're going to head hop in limited (which is jarring). I advice against doing it but if you really have to in one scene, let's say a group fighting, chop it all among them. Like:
A - fighting on the grounds of a castle. He sees B on the walls fighting.
B - fighting on the walls. Inner monologue hoping C will do their plan.
C - casting a spell on the roof while A and B distracting enemies.

Better to chunk it up like that. Don't do like A and B fighting together and you keep jumping between the two of them. If that's the case, better just pick A or B and stick to him, and then just make him assume what the other is thinking about. So scene, A and B vs tons of enemies.

A pov - fighting scenes. Then switch to inner monologue thinking like 'Wow, B has improved a lot now." Or something like, instead of jumping to B and have him think "Wow, I improved a lot after the training." If that's the case, better just give the entire scene to A pov.

I hope I understood what you were looking for.

 

[NotaNuffian]

I had a similar struggle recently, and I managed to somewhat make it work. I don't know about switching from limited 3rd to omniscient and vice versa, but I can tell you a few of the things that helped me.

1. Do not overlap POVs in one paragraph. Each character get their own.
2. Keep it flowing: Character A did something (in paragraph 1), Character B reacts in (paragraph 2)
3. Don't reference characters ambiguously. If it's John's paragraph, make sure to mention his name or a clear reference to him first.

These are the biggest differences I noticed when switching from 1st to 3rd. It'd be great if you have a sample or a small example since I might be forgetting something.

"Halt!" Just as James is about to reach them, the two guards immediately point their spears at the lad, with Tom muttering in shock, "what in Eiar are you, you ugly man?"


James is currently wearing his clean tunic and trousers with nothing to cover his scarred face, upon the remark of the younger guard, he frowns for a moment but choose to ignore the remark and speaks the words drilled into him by teacher William, "I would like to enter Tradewood now, I do not have any papers on me right now, so here is the ten coppers for the toll."


Tom is ready to stick his hand out for the coins but Ives stops him as he stares at James inquisitively, before his face turns greedy, "that is the old fee, the toll is now 20 coppers!"

-----

Sample from an unedited old work.

 

[Biggest-Kusa-Out-There]

the best I could think of is as follows:

Harry Potter's PoV.

The miracle child pulled out the famous duelist wand from a pocked at the back of his trousers. His expression turned downcast as he looked at the oversized rat in front of him. "It's so sad that Jeff Bezos died of ligma," he muttered, expecting and wanting the rat to understand the joke so he wouldn't have to do what he had to do, then pointed the wand at the rat.

Micky Mouse's PoV.

The multi billion dollar company's mascot gritted his teeth in anger. He did not know what the boy in front of him was talking about. He hoped the third person in the room would break the awkward atmosphere, however. There was something he had to know at all costs. He had heard that 'ligma' could cure Minnie's breast cancer, so asking about the deceased individual could perhaps enlighten his search if by the smallest of margins. First, he'd have to ask who this individual was. "Who the fuck is Jeff Bezos?" he demanded with his high pitched voice. "HoHO!" his verbal tick kicked in at the worst of times, making him wince.

Master Chief's PoV.

The spartan had witnessed the exhange in front of him yet he understood none of it. Cortana had never mentioned this Jeff Bezos nor this 'ligma' the two in front of him were talking about.

The boy lifted the wooden stick and straightened his arm with the most pained of expressions possible.

"Ligma balls!" the boy whimpered.

A ray of green light spew from the stick, hitting the oversized rat square on the chest.

The next moment, the rat exploded like an Unggoy after forcing a grenade down its throat.

Master Chief fell to his knees in shock and horror, pieces of flesh falling on his armor. He had come to the clinic to treat his PTSD, not to witness such horrors again. He clenched his fists and took a deep breath, then screamed at the top of his lungs, "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"

 

[Temple]

"Halt!" Just as James is about to reach them, the two guards immediately point their spears at the lad, with Tom muttering in shock, "what in Eiar are you, you ugly man?"


James is currently wearing his clean tunic and trousers with nothing to cover his scarred face, upon the remark of the younger guard, he frowns for a moment but choose to ignore the remark and speaks the words drilled into him by teacher William, "I would like to enter Tradewood now, I do not have any papers on me right now, so here is the ten coppers for the toll."


Tom is ready to stick his hand out for the coins but Ives stops him as he stares at James inquisitively, before his face turns greedy, "that is the old fee, the toll is now 20 coppers!"

From this, everything can be in POV of James. Actions of Tom can be perceptions of James and not needed to have his POV. As I'm reading this now, it just looks like a James POV - perhaps a bit of tweak on the last paragraph to make it clearer who owns the POV. Anyway, I think you are trying to attempt a head hopping style, and that's a no-no in writing. Can research on what it is. And like I said, you can just stick to one POV. There is nothing in that scene that warrants head jumping. If you're going for omniscient, then that's another thing and also not recommended in modern writing.

 

[NotaNuffian]

the best I could think of is as follows:

Harry Potter's PoV.

The miracle child pulled out the famous duelist wand from a pocked at the back of his trousers. His expression turned downcast as he looked at the oversized rat in front of him. "It's so sad that Jeff Bezos died of ligma," he muttered, expecting and wanting the rat to understand the joke so he wouldn't have to do what he had to do, then pointed the wand at the rat.

Micky Mouse's PoV.

The multi billion dollar company's mascot gritted his teeth in anger. He did not know what the boy in front of him was talking about. He hoped the third person in the room would break the awkward atmosphere, however. There was something he had to know at all costs. He had heard that 'ligma' could cure Minnie's breast cancer, so asking about the deceased individual could perhaps enlighten his search if by the smallest of margins. First, he'd have to ask who this individual was. "Who the fuck is Jeff Bezos?" he demanded with his high pitched voice. "HoHO!" his verbal tick kicked in at the worst of times, making him wince.

Master Chief's PoV.

The spartan had witnessed the exhange in front of him yet he understood none of it. Cortana had never mentioned this Jeff Bezos nor this 'ligma' the two in front of him were talking about.

The boy lifted the wooden stick and straightened his arm with the most pained of expressions possible.

"Ligma balls!" the boy whimpered.

A ray of green light spew from the stick, hitting the oversized rat square on the chest.

The next moment, the rat exploded like an Unggoy after forcing a grenade down its throat.

Master Chief fell to his knees in shock and horror, pieces of flesh falling on his armor. He had come to the clinic to treat his PTSD, not to witness such horrors again. He clenched his fists and took a deep breath, then screamed at the top of his lungs, "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"

Lol

Also, I stopped myself from using "POV" cards to tell people.

From this, everything can be in POV of James. Actions of Tom can be perceptions of James and not needed to have his POV. As I'm reading this now, it just looks like a James POV - perhaps a bit of tweak on the last paragraph to make it clearer who owns the POV. Anyway, I think you are trying to attempt a head hopping style, and that's a no-no in writing. Can research on what it is. And like I said, you can just stick to one POV. There is nothing in that scene that warrants head jumping. If you're going for omniscient, then that's another thing and also not recommended in modern writing.

Any example of an Omni view?

 

[greyblob]

Sample from an unedited old work.

Just as James was about to reach them, he was stopped by two spears pointed his way - the guards were not pleased to see him.

"Halt!" Tom shouted. "What in Eiar are you, you ugly man?"

Wearing only his clean tunic and trousers, James had nothing to cover his scarred face. He frowned for a moment but choose to ignore the remark and spoke the words drilled into him by teacher William, "I would like to enter Tradewood now, I do not have any papers on me right now, so here is the ten coppers for the toll."

Tom was ready to stick out his hand for the coins, but was stopped by his partner. Confused, he glanced back at Ives.

The older guard stepped forward, keeping his eyes on the disfigured young man. Grinning, he spoke. "that was the old fee, the toll is now 20 coppers!"

Does this seem any different? I edited the tenses just so I have something I'm used to. As I said, keeping every POV separated, though subtly linking them together. Actions from each character should be from their POV (since this is a limited 3rd).
The paragraphs seem pretty short, but if you edit this out, maybe add an subtle action or body language, I think it'd flow pretty smoothly. Also, you could treat both guards as a single entity here, but I split them up for good measure.
Edit: you could also add some inner monologues or narration for the guards (though in moderation).

 

[Jemini]

I have a solution to this problem, although it's not one that will work for... well, the vast majority of people.

I am trying to set up a shared universe for my stories. If I ever have a character I would need to feature strongly enough to have a problem like this, they would just go in another book and them meeting up would be a cross-over scene. In this case, I would just simply write the entire scene twice, once in each book. (Gotta do that much, otherwise the readers of one book and not the other would get all confused.)

Outside of this scenario, I just stick to one POV for all scenes. I don't head-jump mid chapter. I only transition POVs at the end of a chapter. So, within the same book, I will just pick a POV and stick with only that one for the entirety of the scene. If one of the other characters had a worth-while opinion during the scene, I might just mention it or do a glancing overview repeat of the scene from the other POV in the next chapter.

 

[BlackKnightX]

I have this problem when I write in normal setting, I have this problem as well when I try to incorporate an orgy/ cattle farm and I have this problem when I try to write about my MC going Lu Bu in Dynasty Warrior as he bashes skulls of mooks into their chest cavity like Doom.

I can't transition to the next character properly for some odd reason. The basis of how I wrote is as such:
1. Character A's experience, maybe inner monologue.
2. Cut to a general scene where something happened or something happening to Character B.
3. Character B's experience and maybe inner monologue.

And oftentimes I might not even include in point 2 because I thought to myself that the scene is still ongoing, do I have to rewrite what happened.

And when I do write it down, the thing feels like a femur jutted out from the skin as I write it.

I know that many advices are on "find your favorite writer and emulate them" and I did tried, the second is to "git gud and grind", so unless you have a third sentence of advice to make my sentence structure not awkward, I thank you for your words. If not, I thank you for reading.

I heard some advice saying that you should avoid head-hopping, but we all know that the first step to become a good writer is to “fuck advices!”

So, here’s how I do it or how I like to read. Think of it like watching an anime or reading manga, every character’s internal monologues will be presented at the same time without having to change the POV.

The character’s thoughts will be presented from paragraph to paragraph. You can even call it an omniscient POV.

 

[NotaNuffian]

I heard some advice saying that you should avoid head-hopping, but we all know that the first step to become a good writer is to “fuck advices!”

So, here’s how I do it or how I like to read. Think of it like watching an anime or reading manga, every character’s internal monologues will be presented at the same time without having to change the POV.

The character’s thoughts will be presented from paragraph to paragraph. You can even call it an omniscient POV.

That is what I wanted to achieve when I see the scenes in my head running like a chinese made anime. Then I discover that my grammer skills and describing abilities are shit and I should never be in an accident or courthouse because I might convict myself into first degree murder.

Does this seem any different? I edited the tenses just so I have something I'm used to. As I said, keeping every POV separated, though subtly linking them together. Actions from each character should be from their POV (since this is a limited 3rd).
The paragraphs seem pretty short, but if you edit this out, maybe add an subtle action or body language, I think it'd flow pretty smoothly. Also, you could treat both guards as a single entity here, but I split them up for good measure.
Edit: you could also add some inner monologues or narration for the guards (though in moderation).

The guards are... disposable later so I will probably not give them anything more. Also, because they are my characters and I think I failed epicly to give them more dimensions as greedy corrupted fucks, your description has made one of them into a proper guard and I do somewhat enjoyed that.

 

[greyblob]

The guards are... disposable later so I will probably not give them anything more. Also, because they are my characters and I think I failed epicly to give them more dimensions as greedy corrupted fucks, your description has made one of them into a proper guard and I do somewhat enjoyed that.

dawg you specifically stated you needed two characters where you can switch between. if you only want a single pov(one character) then it's much easier.

 

[tfes8]

So I did this exact thing once in one of my stories from a year ago.

My story The Week I Turned Into Erin in Chapter 10 I alternate POVs for the explicit purpose for the sex scene between the MC and her girlfriend.