Writing How to Write a Good Romance (Aside from Just Smut or Wish Fulfillment)

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I know good romance is subjective cause what others term as romantic or what they would like in a relationship may not be the same as another person. And there's a lot of you that probably already know how to write good romance and you don't need this cause this post is probably useless.

However, some of you mentioned you were never in a relationship before so you feel its hard for you to write romance, so I kinda wanted to mention this.

You don't have to experience or be in a romance to write good romance. Sure, you may miss out what its like to be in a realistic romance, but you can still make do without some of those details as long as you think of the characters not just as opposite genders = instant attraction, but as someone who is not just flat, and has rough edges and shading that makes them a 3D or well-developed person.

A character that is not just annoying or made to be a stepping stone and forgotten in the next or real sexy and that's all there is to it. You have characters that have personality, have their flaws, have their strengths, etc. They don't always agree with the people in their relationships - this shows that they have their own mindset and their own personality and their own thoughts.

The most important about writing relationships in the story is making those relationships a bit realistic or more believable in a sense, even if they're in a fantasy. What do I mean by that? I mean believable as in you don't just magically come back by the power of friendship after being stabbed by a 100 swords by your best friend and the girl didn't just straight up fall in love with you the instant you told them you were a level 100+ champion and saved them from the kraken. And vice versa.

I'm not very good at explaining things, but here is an example. Its a rough idea on how to write a romance character. No one way is completely correct.

Example:
A story about a programmer and a youtuber. The programmer is a bit aloof and he tends to think of things in 0s and 1s. He doesn't sugarcoat things and can be really straightforward without realizing how some of the things he said sound or came off as. He's more of a technical person than a great communicator. The thing is, he loves what he does in his work. He loves to code and he exploring the different theories on how things could work. He always try to rack up new programming languages whenever he can. His shelf is literally filled with programming books and some comics sprinkled in.

Lately though, he's been slowing down at work though. He doesn't feel like anyone appreciates him, his coworkers are arrogant jackasses who they think they're right in everything despite their bad coding, and he wants to explore creating his own apps, but feel like he is being limited by his work and the people around him all tell him that is not a good idea to pursue.

On the other hand, you got a very eccentric youtuber. She loves pastel colors and loves everything that's kawaii or cute. She has quite a bit of subscribers, and she is actually very successful as a youtuber and has her own merchandise. Her parents think its still not a reputable job even though she is kinda earning more than enough to support herself and her family from it. For a person that uses YouTube a lot to create content though, she's a bit clueless beyond social media and just getting around the web for a few things. She ends up clicking up on some link and it got her computer infected with a virus so she now has to fix it. Again. For the 3rd time.

After a freak accident in trying to avoid a jaywalking cat and nearly running her over on the way to work...(Nah, let's just skip the unbelievable parts). They met under some circumstances. Yada yada yada, and they bonded with each other.

The programmer and the youtuber both want someone to validate what they feel. They share some common stuff such as manga and anime, love mangoes dipped in salt and chili pepper, Inception, etc. etc. etc. cheesy things. y'know. They agree with some views too. It felt nice for once that someone actually supported them creatively in what they wanted to do and were there for them like emotional support.

Now add in the conflicts.

Needy does not have to be part of the conflcit. (That can be conflict too but depends how its done. Like say, they don't have time for each other. Not like oh, they forgot about asking how the other is doing everyday and text at 3am in the morning. If you do write someone needing someone be there for them, maybe mention how its not just one, but several major events or a very important events that they just weren't there for them). Somewhere down the road, both fell apart.

But for this couple, the programmer and the youtuber, its not really about something being needy from each other. Both respect each other time because both of them like to create their own things so they need time to tinker out stuff. However, one of them see things in more logic and black and white mode, and another is more flexible perspective on things and see things in a really, really abstract way, it can lead to disagreements. One is more neat and tidy workspace, the other ones has all kinds craft and glitter all over their place and sometimes they argue about it. What they think the other does in the profession and how they assume things about others. Etc. Conflicts. Flaws. Add them in.

Then there's a big conflict that may make them separate and think back to how maybe the relationship isn't going so great and maybe its time to separate.

Then add some resolution wraps it up. At time finished writing, mind drifted off so just gonna short it here.

Take my words with a grain of salt if you want, since I have never been in a romantic relationship yet. But make your relationships believable, actual people with flaws. It may not be all those things you wish to see in someone you'd like, but they have flaws that make you take a step back and wonder how many layers it takes to see their true soul.

Well-developed characters matters. So does relationship development between the characters too.
 
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ArcadiaBlade

I'm a Lazy Writer, So What?
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Starting a romance is basically which would you pour first? The cereal or the milk.

Hello and this is the inexperience guy who has zero friends or lovers back with his own intake on the story.

You don't need to make the meeting special or anything, it can start out in a long time or even a short while, it mainly depends how much you want to ferment that relationship.

I mainly stal-i mean observe people through their relationships and often gotten their history on my notebook.

So, this is my own opinion when it comes to writing romance.

To view this in a scientific way. It mainly depends on two attractions with common interest being quite effective in starting a relationship. In the middle of that, we got the opposites attract. Finally, there are those unique events which kickstart their relationship.

The common interest are mostly written such that they have an easy time understanding one another and tend to quickly fall in love faster. Yet, their relationship will be hard to ferment due to having similar interest but lacking in variation. They would seek out more into their interest but this will be a dangerous gamble as it might lead to heading into a much darker path if taken wrongly(such as NTR or other stuff). Early relationship, unstable conflict and finally either a sad and bitter end or a beautiful end.(Ex. Kaguya: Love is War)

Second, the opposites. Mainly due to two individuals having no such interest occuring, its harder for their relationship to form or even relate to at all. They are harder to form due to their conflicting ideals yet once they form a connection, a higher boom leads into their wholesome relationship. In the middle of this, a conflict arises with the similar interest of two individuals which creates a strong conflict or a slow progress yet wholesome relationship with either a bland end or a happy end. In the latter stage of a conlfict, it will yeild even higher results due to their favor of each other and in the end might create a more beautiful and satisfying end if they handle it well. (Ex. I think Boarding School Juliet or something like that?)

Finally, the unique events. It mainly stems from the 'accidental' events made by the author to kickstart their relationship. This kinda having different branches due to different circumstances but it always lead on to their 'accidental' encounter. This mostly plays out like a wildcard due to having multiple branches to go by due to their 'Accidental' encounter and it will be harder to pinpoint which direction the author will go by. Because of such a wildcard, the author mainly relies on himself/herself to create his/her own romance which mainly depends on how he/she made them. The middle and latter will play out depending on the author's writing skills.(many variations of this and multiple anime will be covered with 'accidental' encounters).

TL;DR: The common interest are for people who want to write a steady relationship. The opposites for those who feel like taking a bit of a risk to create a beautiful story. While the latter are those who wanna gamble on their writing skills to write a lovely romance.

All in all, the science of Romance is maimly dependent on an equation of how love is parallel to conflict and their direction will be based on the distance of how relationships go.

Now for the philosophy of romance-
 

Silver_Sky

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For a good romance

-no harem
(Romances between multiple people aren't really believable. The amount of harems that would be okay are verrryy small, and it takes time to flesh them out time most don't use.)

-no early romance
(Saying you love this person two days after meeting this other person is not okay, the build up for a romance and character likeability is not there they don't even know each other, like do they know the others favorite color for example?)

-no flimsyness
(Who likes a character that can't say I like you, or stay away from me. Another is a character who flip flops between 2 or more people and can't give a decisive answer?)

-no doormat-kuns
(A romance is between 2 people not one ordering the other and them around, its fine if one is headstrong or such and the other likes that trait and willing to clean up after them but they can't be run over.)

-no ntr or dark elements
(Does this need be explained why torture isn't a good romance element?)

-lover cant be a magician
(They have to have a sizable amount of screen time, decision making and growth and lines. So no disappearing acts. Doing and growing everything off screen are what side characters and villains do.)

-hardships and arrogant young masters are a must
(They need trials and tribulations to further grow together a relationship without isn't really a relationship, and young master types are annoying yes but it gives the characters a feeling of yes if I want them I need to keep working on our relationship, I can lose them, they ate desirable, they have options. Its will stop a stagnant relationship if used right.)

-equal or comparable power level if applicable
(You always see people complaining about fl needing to be saved how is it going to be a healthy relationship if mc needs to cover his bum and fl as well. A power couple or mutual saving is a good way to go.

-more that my 3am brain can't think of right now, any way these are points I think that can make or contribute at least, to a healthy well plotted relationship (mostly is a novel, some can be applied in RL to, and my reasons for them. Thoughts? Anything I missed?
 
D

Deleted member 45782

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I am getting some flash backs and deja vu here.
It was a response to how I see some keep mentioning its hard to write in romance cause they never had romance before so they don't know how to write a relationship...I can count at least two people...

Science of Love...XD
Reminds me of a cmovie with zhao liying or something. Next you're going to mention there's a formula to love too...
But yes, agree ArcadiaBlade on how to write romance part. This what I wanted to express to others.

Also heck, relationships don't have to start off with mutal attraction either. It could be from friendships and through some stuff, they actually decided that they liked each other. That happens often irl too.
 
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Sylvie

Those days are gone, now the memory's on the wall
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I think there are two main things that contribute to a great romance

1. Character development - The characters involved in the romance must be developed to have their own quirks and qualities. Making it appealing for the partner to actually fall in love with them. Basically giving them something unique to make the set up of the relationship realistic.

2. Problems and hardships - This is the truly hard part. They need to be in the middle of the grayscale, not too white or black. You cant have too tiny problems and act like they are actually problems for example, my boyfriend wears boxers but I love briefs so what am I to do the world is going to end. At the same time too heavy problems also will make readers dislike the romance like, I just caught my boyfriend having a threesome with two of my best friends but I think I should forgive him and give him another chance.
If the author can create perfect problems and get the couple to solve them then most of the work is done. Of course it sounds easy to say but incredibly hard to execute.

3. You need to watch Love Lab and analyze all cliche scenarios like them!
 
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PhillisCreziles

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I think there are two main things that contribute to a great romance

1. Character development - The characters involved in the romance must be developed to have their own quirks and qualities. Making it appealing to the partner to actually fall in love with them. Basically giving them something unique to make the set up of the relationship realistic.

2. Problems and hardships - This is the truly hard part. They need to be in the middle of the grayscale, not too white or black. You cant have too tiny problems and act like they are actually problems for example, my boyfriend wears boxers but I love briefs so what am I to do the world is going to end. At the same time too heavy problems also will make readers dislike the romance like, I just caught my boyfriend having a threesome with two of my best friends but I think I should forgive him and give him another chance.
If the author can create perfect problems and get the couple to solve them then most of the work is done. Of course it sounds easy to say but incredibly hard to execute.

3. You need to watch Love Lab and analyze all cliche scenarios like them!
Also, character dynamics might be another thing that is important for good romance.
 
D

Deleted member 45782

Guest
I think there are two main things that contribute to a great romance

1. Character development - The characters involved in the romance must be developed to have their own quirks and qualities. Making it appealing for the partner to actually fall in love with them. Basically giving them something unique to make the set up of the relationship realistic.

2. Problems and hardships - This is the truly hard part. They need to be in the middle of the grayscale, not too white or black. You cant have too tiny problems and act like they are actually problems for example, my boyfriend wears boxers but I love briefs so what am I to do the world is going to end. At the same time too heavy problems also will make readers dislike the romance like, I just caught my boyfriend having a threesome with two of my best friends but I think I should forgive him and give him another chance.
If the author can create perfect problems and get the couple to solve them then most of the work is done. Of course it sounds easy to say but incredibly hard to execute.

3. You need to watch Love Lab and analyze all cliche scenarios like them!
Ah srry to hear that. 🙁

Agree, the most important is the character development and relationship development in romance.
 

Tblew

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Nov 7, 2019
Messages
32
Points
48
For a good romance

-no harem
(Romances between multiple people aren't really believable. The amount of harems that would be okay are verrryy small, and it takes time to flesh them out time most don't use.)

-no early romance
(Saying you love this person two days after meeting this other person is not okay, the build up for a romance and character likeability is not there they don't even know each other, like do they know the others favorite color for example?)

-no flimsyness
(Who likes a character that can't say I like you, or stay away from me. Another is a character who flip flops between 2 or more people and can't give a decisive answer?)

-no doormat-kuns
(A romance is between 2 people not one ordering the other and them around, its fine if one is headstrong or such and the other likes that trait and willing to clean up after them but they can't be run over.)

-no ntr or dark elements
(Does this need be explained why torture isn't a good romance element?)

-lover cant be a magician
(They have to have a sizable amount of screen time, decision making and growth and lines. So no disappearing acts. Doing and growing everything off screen are what side characters and villains do.)

-hardships and arrogant young masters are a must
(They need trials and tribulations to further grow together a relationship without isn't really a relationship, and young master types are annoying yes but it gives the characters a feeling of yes if I want them I need to keep working on our relationship, I can lose them, they ate desirable, they have options. Its will stop a stagnant relationship if used right.)

-equal or comparable power level if applicable
(You always see people complaining about fl needing to be saved how is it going to be a healthy relationship if mc needs to cover his bum and fl as well. A power couple or mutual saving is a good way to go.

-more that my 3am brain can't think of right now, any way these are points I think that can make or contribute at least, to a healthy well plotted relationship (mostly is a novel, some can be applied in RL to, and my reasons for them. Thoughts? Anything I missed?
Really good advice. I second everything.
 

someonesomeguy

zessei bijin stepford
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Apr 21, 2019
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this song. It's basically perfect description of romance.




Watch the video first before reading this post cause it's just my interpretation and it might be wrong. It's probably better to use your own interpretation

Make them "I was lonely without you. Quality of my life has really improved with you"
name is i am glad you are evil too . Cause everyone thinks that he is somewhat evil but then people start feeling better when others tell them they would do the same. Like killing strangers to survive and stuff.
You know helping with each other's insecurities and increasing each other's confidence.

Other people would have made me feel weary but when i am with you i can really smile. So the girl or boy doesn't have to act in the persona she has built infront of her friends and society. Talking about deep and personal stuff with him/her doesn't feel awkward .
You know weird stuff we don't talk about publicly even though we desperately want to talk about it.

An example would be .

"i won't feel particularly bad if that narcissistic asshole who bullied me in highschool died . I won't murder him but i won't feel sympathy for him. I am not that good of a person or as innocent as you think"

"Everyone thinks like that. No one is entitled to your love . You don't need to berate yourself over your emotions in hyopthetical scenarios.
And besides i would also not care.
Guess that makes me evil too.

I still think you are cute and innocent. Just adorable
"




both dreaming of rising up and fighting back. Yeah this man. Nothing makes bond comes together more than talking about injustices of the world and having someone relatable who has also gone through same pain and suffering as you and who agrees with your ideals and ideas.

saying things that just sounded like other.
You tend to pick up verbals ticks from people you are close too or talk frequently too.
Example
Using the word "bro,bruh"
Ok i am kind of stopping now this makes me feel nostalgic for the love life i never had.


Seriously though the most romantic thing is .
Telling someone your weird somewhat morbid personal thoughts and the other person saying. "huh same. I think that too. Geuss we are very similar to each other"
Oh another really good example.
"When i felt like i was trying to try" this one is a really common insecurity when you procastinate.
You either try or you try to try. Everyday thinking you are going to change but everyday going on like the last day and losing believe in your ability to ever change. So like either saying it's enough and you are fine or talking about how i believe in you.
Ok on second thought saying i love you as you are is better.
Oh my god . Why is this song so good.
"Both of us are going to die someday and this life is meaningless too"
Hatred of death and recognizing how little time you have left.
Man i would kill for someone i could talk this stuff with.
God damm it.
This is romance. You can talk about absurdism and death with your partner without it feeling awkward.
Ok now i remember why i stopped listening to this song. Man such a strong feeling of longing.It accidentally played in my playlist yesterday.
 
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