How to write an insecure character

[Michuyu]

Maybe actions...like say she doesn't like her look. sometimes she take a joke seriously and personally (even if joke wasn't intentional to cause hurt). maybe she frowns or have disgruntled thoughts about her appearance or whenever she looks in the mirrors, etc.

Character's inside thoughts could really help you know. Or the subtle actions she takes in certain things to cover up her appearance if that is what she is insecure of. (Different insecurities then may need to display it in some different ways more).

That makes a lot of sense *-* Thank you! I do think I lack in expressing her internal thoughts in my writing. I'll try to emphasize it more. I just didn't want to make her too annoying(?) but I can see how by not doing that, I am taking away the effect of her insecurities.

 

[Deleted member 45782]

Don't forget the others' perspective towards her as well...

Yes, that's pretty good too. Sometimes we learn about that character from other characters more than that actual character itself.

 

[Maple-Leaf]

I think as long as you show her thinking about it often, it’ll add up. Like if she were in a situation where she has to wish for something, beauty would be her first thought. I don’t see any particular reason why she has to desperately cover it up if you don’t feel like writing her doing so...? I mean, I could be insecure about the way I look but not have the passion or motivation to improve my circumstances, making things more like... overall resignment and sporadic fits of bitterness.
I think self deprecating jokes could work well if made often, and maybe a joking aversion...? Like she looks in the mirror and laughingly goes “Ewewew stop” then looks away. Treating it like a joke, but the aversion still being there.

 

[Michuyu]

I mean if the person is an insecure extrovert, then the story is simple.

Their thoughts don't line up with their words.

They will laugh and have fun with people while jealousy or irritation rages inside them

Something like that.

That's actually how I have written her in some cases! :D I guess it would be good to continue that! ^^ Thank you so much!

 

[minacia]

Thank you so much for your insights!! I may have modeled her after me in regards to giving up and not caring anymore, but in my experience, it only temporarily solves the issue and I didn't accept myself at all. Knowing that I choose to not care for my looks is more of a coping mechanism than a solution, because deep inside, the insecurities are still there. So I mixed that with extraverted qualities such as wanting to be around people and in social groups, being curious about people and speaking out.

I think it's a concept that is too contradictory? Contradictory mindsets are common though right? >.< (or is it just me). Thank you again for your insight! It'll help me create a more cohesive character plan! ^^ <3

Mhm! There are definitely contradictory behaviors in real life for sure!

I think the hardest element is that other characters are constantly making fun of your protagonist's looks, which makes especially difficult to deal with because there is an active bullying element with your character. As a result, it's a bit harder to make it so that she's "secretly" insecure since it's being shoved into her face constantly.

Your character actually feels like she is fairly resilient with the way that she tolerates the bullying yet continues to enjoy her highschool life nonetheless.

I actually think the easiest route is to make her angry, haha. ^^;

For instance, "it's everyone else's fault!" and have an element of pride about herself. For instance, for me personally (in middle/high school), I knew I was weird and strange and I almost embraced it because I wanted to be unique... even though I didn't fit in.

 

[Michuyu]

I think as long as you show her thinking about it often, it’ll add up. Like if she were in a situation were she has to wish for something, beauty would be her first thought. I don’t see any particular reason why she has to desperately cover it up if you don’t feel like writing her doing so...? I mean, I could be insecure about the way I look but not have the passion or motivation to improve my circumstances, making things more like... overall resignment and sporadic fits of bitterness.

Yea, >.< I have realized that I don't make her think about it enough. Thank you for your insight!

 

[Deleted member 45782]

That makes a lot of sense *-* Thank you! I do think I lack in expressing her internal thoughts in my writing. I'll try to emphasize it more. I just didn't want to make her too annoying(?) but I can see how by not doing that, I am taking away the effect of her insecurities.

Oof. I see some protagonists that people mention can be too annoying, but sometimes that's how insecurities make us. And that is also part of how characters and people irl can perceive of characters with certain insecurities. As long as you try to flesh out the insecurities of the character and develop it as best as you can, then go for it and try start writing. See how it turns out.

 

[Michuyu]

Mhm! There are definitely contradictory behaviors in real life for sure!

I think the hardest element is that other characters are constantly making fun of your protagonist's looks, which makes especially difficult to deal with because there is an active bullying element with your character. As a result, it's a bit harder to make it so that she's "secretly" insecure since it's being shoved into her face constantly.

Your character actually feels like she is fairly resilient with the way that she tolerates the bullying yet continues to enjoy her highschool life nonetheless.

I actually think the easiest route is to make her angry, haha. ^^;

For instance, "it's everyone else's fault!" and have an element of pride about herself. For instance, for me personally (in middle/high school), I knew I was weird and strange and I almost embraced it because I wanted to be unique... even though I didn't fit in.

I do plan to have her snap. :3 I just want to gradually get to that point, as I wanted a shock(?) factor *-* (I would have loved to be your friend then. I was also weird lol ahhhhh and I probably still am)

 

[Deleted member 29316]

I do plan to have her snap. :3 I just want to gradually get to that point, as I wanted a shock(?) factor *-* (I would have loved to be your friend then. I was also weird lol ahhhhh and I probably still am)

Those students of mine who have the same attitude (insecure and extrovert) tend to snap when they learn their 'friends' were just fooling around with them. Or their 'boyfriends'. Whichever you find convenient.

Drama and guidance counseling ensues...

 

[Michuyu]

Those students of mine who have the same attitude (insecure and extrovert) tend to snap when they learn their 'friends' were just fooling around with them. Or their 'boyfriends'. Whichever you find convenient.

Drama and guidance counseling ensues...

You're a teacher? *-* I was thinking of becoming a teacher too, but I hate kids, and I have no patience haha :'D But yea, that is part of my plan for MC. >:')

 

[High-in-the-skys]

Oof. I see some protagonists that people mention can be too annoying, but sometimes that's how insecurities make us. And that is also part of how characters and people irl can perceive of characters with certain insecurities. As long as you try to flesh out the insecurities of the character and develop it as best as you can, then go for it and try start writing. See how it turns out

I think it's better to have a certain feeling to a character like annoyance. It makes them more human-like and relatable. It also prevents the feeling of distance to the character because you felt 'nothing' for her.

TLDR; In short, either make them lovable or abysmally annoyance

 

[ArcadiaBlade]

I think insecurity is based around how the MC perceive things in her enviroment. It doesn't need to be based on apprearance alone. There are many ways people can be insecure such as how she perceived money, how other people treats her, its basically from the MC's perspective to which an insecurity can be perceived from.

'I feel like people are looking at me like i'm just a poor person.' 'they pity me because of my parents' or 'It seems that i'm not well liked because i'm an idiot.'

In psychological standpoint, insecurity stands on how the MC percieved things negatively and feels uncomfortable with people's opinions to which that person would start thinking the negative opions that person will percieve.

In philosophical sense, its the spirit within that percieve things in his/her own way to which she/he will feel uncomfortable around the people's opnions around him/her. If it lead to giving him/her bad opinion.

In biological sight, the beauty of a person can be exploited to which people are basing them on their appearance, their looks or how they see that person. It would lead to negative opinions to which the brain percieve the negative thoughts that arise as how they appear to people.

 

[Jemini]

An insecure extrovert? I would say the biggest thing would be she always thinks she needs to do more in order to impress people because "just being herself" is not good enough. Have her obsess over such things and be concerned about what other people think of her, and constantly doing way more than she is comfortable with (or is necessary) in order to get on other people's good side. Meanwhile, have her easily pick out the slightest negative comment from anyone, especially if it is toward her.

Actually, such things are kinda normal for teenagers, so if the character is supposed to be a teenager then you either have to A. point out how most teenagers actually are insecure. Or B. over exaggerate the standard insecure characteristics in order to imprint it on the reader better. Personally, I recommend going with option A.

 

[Michuyu]

An insecure extrovert? I would say the biggest thing would be she always thinks she needs to do more in order to impress people because "just being herself" is not good enough. Have her obsess over such things and be concerned about what other people think of her, and constantly doing way more than she is comfortable with (or is necessary) in order to get on other people's good side. Meanwhile, have her easily pick out the slightest negative comment from anyone, especially if it is toward her.

Actually, such things are kinda normal for teenagers, so if the character is supposed to be a teenager then you either have to A. point out how most teenagers actually are insecure. Or B. over exaggerate the standard insecure characteristics in order to imprint it on the reader better. Personally, I recommend going with option A.

Man, I feel like I forgot what it was like to be an insecure teen

 

[skillet]

Other people have probably written similar stuff to this, but I have a sister who's an extravert but had a time when she was very insecure. (She's a lot better now! :D thank goodness)

From what I remember, she took everything (and I mean everything) personally-- someone makes a joke about someone else and she'd think they're talking about her, and she'd take the slightest bit of information given to her and think the tone of the person saying it was insinuating some kind of criticism towards her.

She would have super high highs when with other people and then super low lows when she was by herself because her self-acceptance came from other people's positive reactions, and she would worry over any non-positive (even indifferent) reactions she had previously received.

She would also get really defensive about the smallest things even when they were not said to her to give offense, BUT this would only be towards people like family and very, very close friends-- in front of the other people whom she seeks general acceptance, she would smile and play it off, then stew over it in private. She was also really, really bad at saying 'no' because she was afraid other people might reject her if she wasn't all smiles and 'yes'es all the time. She would also take most positive comments about her as just flattery but take all negative comments to heart.

These might be a good starting point? Haha as an introvert myself, I had so much about her that I didn't understand when she was feeling insecure, so I remember a lot. Hope that helps, lol

 

[Michuyu]

Other people have probably written similar stuff to this, but I have a sister who's an extravert but had a time when she was very insecure. (She's a lot better now! :D thank goodness)

From what I remember, she took everything (and I mean everything) personally-- someone makes a joke about someone else and she'd think they're talking about her, and she'd take the slightest bit of information given to her and think the tone of the person saying it was insinuating some kind of criticism towards her.

She would have super high highs when with other people and then super low lows when she was by herself because her self-acceptance came from other people's positive reactions, and she would worry over any non-positive (even indifferent) reactions she had previously received.

She would also get really defensive about the smallest things even when they were not said to her to give offense, BUT this would only be towards people like family and very, very close friends-- in front of the other people whom she seeks general acceptance, she would smile and play it off, then stew over it in private. She was also really, really bad at saying 'no' because she was afraid other people might reject her if she wasn't all smiles and 'yes'es all the time. She would also take most positive comments about her as just flattery but take all negative comments to heart.

These might be a good starting point? Haha as an introvert myself, I had so much about her that I didn't understand when she was feeling insecure, so I remember a lot. Hope that helps, lol

Wow! Thank you for sharing something very personal ^^ It helps a lot to hear this from someone who's experienced what I'm trying to portray first hand! I will definitely keep all of this in mind when I write my story! I'm glad that your sister is doing better now :) Best wishes to you both~ <3

 

[Deleted member 29316]

You're a teacher? *-* I was thinking of becoming a teacher too, but I hate kids, and I have no patience haha :'D But yea, that is part of my plan for MC. >:')

Yep, I'm a teacher. I mostly base my characters from my observations of my students' attitude and behavior.

 

[Jemini]

Another less typical but still fairly normal expression of extraverted insecurity is to constantly impose on others and make everyone around you feel uncomfortable for your benefit. Basically, throw your own weight around all the time as a means of proving yourself. It's kinda like how everyone who gets into fights doesn't have a clue about how to actually fight. This is because people who actually know how to fight are secure enough in their own strength and ability so they have no need to prove themselves, thus people who do a lot of martial arts or are ex military tend to become pacifists.

The same is true in social situations. Someone who is confident and secure will be a lot more friendly and accommodating with others because they have no need to throw their weight around in order to prove some kind of point. Meanwhile, the exact reverse is true of insecure people.

 

[Michuyu]

Another less typical but still fairly normal expression of extraverted insecurity is to constantly impose on others and make everyone around you feel uncomfortable for your benefit. Basically, throw your own weight around all the time as a means of proving yourself. It's kinda like how everyone who gets into fights doesn't have a clue about how to actually fight. This is because people who actually know how to fight are secure enough in their own strength and ability so they have no need to prove themselves, thus people who do a lot of martial arts or are ex military tend to become pacifists.

The same is true in social situations. Someone who is confident and secure will be a lot more friendly and accommodating with others because they have no need to throw their weight around in order to prove some kind of point. Meanwhile, the exact reverse is true of insecure people.

I never thought of that *-* thank you for your feedback!! ^^ i think i wanna incorporate that somehow :D