How Would You Review Your Own Story?

EternalSunset0

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I'd say that the existing reviews for the first volume on the site are on point.

As is this one when I asked someone to read it over at Discord
20210713_164122.jpg


Stuff like grammar (tenses) and prose need a LOT of work, but they're understandable enough that they don't completely detract from the story. They just tend to not be concise enough, and I'm terrible at word choice.

Characters aren't too unqiue, but they have decent enough background and have some minor quirks that differentiate them a bit from their base archetypes. A bit more depth than your usual throwaway LN characters but not too much.

However, the strong points basically boil down to me knowing what I want to make and managing to bring it out. The feedback I have typically alluded to "how similar to an LN" it is or how reading it feels like "watching an anime but with words", and it has been compared to translations of existing LNs, so on that aapect, it's a big success.

Nothing too special. Nothing too unique. If turned into an anime, probably gonna end up as random 2-cour seasonal filler (and possibly a second 2-cour season to finish the whole plot) while racking in those 6.5 to 7.5 out of 10 scores in sites. End up with a small but loyal fanbase and some merch and lewds of the girls. Exactly how I wanted it to be.
 
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luxia

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Jokes aside, it's just generic RP stuff, innit? I am fully aware it isn't good, but I'm also fully aware it isn't worth putting the effort to make it good.
It's not boring! I would call it slow-paced, but not boring!

I think your strength is your characters and the atmosphere you build. I'm really curious about Fiora's perspectives on the situation, and how she feels in this kind of situation to be picked up by a stranger. Like what would happen if your story was reframed as shoujo? I also like the slice-of-life things, the attention to their financial state, etc.

I think narratively speaking, the weakness is probably the quest report structure. The quests don't seem to line up to build a larger narrative, so it seems more meandering (i.e. I went to work today and did this), but that's a fault of the game more than anything else! It's harder to build a cohesive and well-themed story when you're constrained by the quests (an analogy would be like they feel like mini-games inside a visual novel?).

Overall, I'd be really interested in reading a story that you write completely from scratch. I feel like your creativity would really be able to shine at that point, and I'm interested for sure!
 

GodlyKamui

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The truth is that I started writing for my own entertainment because I had read everything on my reading list. I enjoy reading the things I come up with, but I wouldn't say that my stories are masterpieces. I think that there will be always room for improvement. :blob_hmm_two:
 

HelenBold

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Well, sometimes I think I write for myself. My stories have great ideas, but mainly they are about feelings and emotions. When I write I cry at the sad scenes and I laugh at the comedy scenes. I know that there are people who may have similar tastes. That's pretty much it. I am a person who kept her stories on notebooks gathering dust because she was too afraid of showing them. Just publishing them online is already a big achievement.
 

BackWoodsJ_ACK

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I'd say "meh, it's aight." I'm not trying to go for an award when writing, I write as both a fun little hobby and practice.

I like constructive criticism but if a reader ever tries to review my story like a professor rating a damn essay, then you my friend is a fucktard.

However, I do try my best writing each chapter, trying to make it correlate with the rest of the story and use different plot devices to spice things up.
 

tridetect

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Uhh I view my stories as untapped potential? I like them a lot but can't get over the feeling that no one will understand what I'm trying to convey with the setting, tone, and atmosphere of my story. Often I cut out pieces and try to make things simple to understand otherwise it'd read like a schizo's ramblings of a dream or something. I did that a lot with Progressive 2nd and I feel like people could tell that there's something missing and I'm super upset at myself for not taking my time with it. Moving on, the synopsis is only a fraction of what the entire story is about and since it's so vague and confusing it leads many people to stray away. It's not bad but more of a diamond in the rough. Like going into a store just to look around and seeing some weird ass game no one has ever heard of. It's definitely not for everyone but those who stick around won't have their time wasted. I'm going to be the next Evangelion!
 
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It's not for everyone, nor will I recommend it to anyone.

Read at your own risk and don't expect something good since I can only write for myself.

Do I find the story good? I don't give a damn. It just feels fun and life-changing when I write it.

I won't re-read it though, since I already know the story.
 

bulmabriefs144

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Whilst i was jerking it to incest hentai
I see.

As for the ummmm meat (yes, I know) of the question, I generally don't need to. I have handed out a few free copies, and I always get this sorta look like "I'm embarrassed to admit that I couldn't get through your book either because of the references to pop culture, the tiny print, or because you're conservative-leaning and I'm offended by something you wrote about. Or maybe it was one of your long off-topic rants that broke immersion."

I actually enjoy reading my book. But I am well aware that I'm possibly the only one who likes it enough to get anywhere near cover to cover reading. And even then, I usually find something to edit, or something that bothers me.

Hey you ppl, I'm not a new member! I just don't post much in the forum.
 

CupcakeNinja

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I see.

As for the ummmm meat (yes, I know) of the question, I generally don't need to. I have handed out a few free copies, and I always get this sorta look like "I'm embarrassed to admit that I couldn't get through your book either because of the references to pop culture, the tiny print, or because you're conservative-leaning and I'm offended by something you wrote about. Or maybe it was one of your long off-topic rants that broke immersion."

I actually enjoy reading my book. But I am well aware that I'm possibly the only one who likes it enough to get anywhere near cover to cover reading. And even then, I usually find something to edit, or something that bothers me.

Hey you ppl, I'm not a new member! I just don't post much in the forum.
I feel you bro. My main story is basically just an amalgamation of memes, sex and drugs

Also heh. I got a lurker to come out! Nice
 

bulmabriefs144

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(tall grass) A wild Lurker appears!

Mine has some unfortunate comparisons to this, I'm afraid.


Although selected by the Pulitzer Prize jury on fiction for the 1974 Pulitzer Prize for Fiction, the Pulitzer Advisory Board was offended by its content, some of which was described as "'unreadable,' 'turgid,' 'overwritten' and in parts 'obscene'"
Pretty much 4 for 4, there. One chapter has a sex scene that involves live worms (which is an in-joke, because the main character frequently fights giant worms). I looked online just now, that is apparently a real fetish, though it's a very strange and disturbing one (which I can't unsee). Other parts spend long segments talking about fantasy world governments, rules that all genies must follow, or worldbuilding info that is never relevant because it never actually happens in the story. Snippets of songs, random thoughts, all of this was added in without any peer review.

Right now, I'm trying to get a legit fix on who has actually read certain chapters of my book, or whether they got added in views accidentally from me editing my own book.
 

ElliePorter

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It's not for everyone, nor will I recommend it to anyone.

Read at your own risk and don't expect something good since I can only write for myself.

Do I find the story good? I don't give a damn. It just feels fun and life-changing when I write it.

I won't re-read it though, since I already know the story.
Im surprised your reply is quite normal today. Considering, most of your replies are full of futanari and transformation sometimes 😂
 

LoliGent

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One chapter has a sex scene that involves live worms (which is an in-joke, because the main character frequently fights giant worms). I looked online just now, that is apparently a real fetish, though it's a very strange and disturbing one (which I can't unsee).

That's quite a situation to write about, yet I dare to admit that it ignites curiosity. I do not wish to look at imagery of the kind, yet it is intriguing enough to read in a fictional context.

:blob_hmm_two:

So... where can I find this story?
 

JK-Sama

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Solid start, but after ch14~17 to about ch30 there are some inconsistencies because many chapters were written months apart and out of order. Some fumbling use of past/present tense uses starting from the aforementioned chapters but it improves considerably in the middle half. Good supporting cast for the MC Vicky, and a bland-at-first-cast for the MC Li that gets developed and fleshed out in the later half, arguably even more than Vicky's thus far.

A lot of head-hopping occurs after ch17 but still manages to find a balance between focusing on Vicky and the world developing around her. It gets toned down considerably after ch50s, which is more polished and refined compared to the first half. In some ways, I feel like I gave Vicky's character arc a disservice with the amateurish prose and head-hopping, and it may put off potential readers who dislike having to keep track of points of view.

With the story focusing almost solely on Li's character arc after ch50, Vicky is more or less entirely sidelined even up to now (ch88) but I made every effort I could to keep Victoria's actions impactful by having Li reflect on Victoria in tough situations, usually every other chapter.

I feel like this jump from Vicky for so long might put off or even frustrate readers who may like Vick more over Li, and it worries me that since I've spent so long being in Li's head I might have difficulty readjusting to Vick's narrative and mannerism and I worry about doing VIck's character arc justice and having it be good and even better as Li's.

A lot of side characters are awkwardly introduced (mainly in Li's character arc) who only sometimes get proper introductions(like their actuals names) even several chapters after they've first appeared. But that aside, most of Li's cast of characters bounce off well in motives, interactions, and etc. There are some characters that get introduced and get killed off without much time to get to know them or form any kind of attachment with them.

In ch52 there is a sole focus on the minor character Jung Lee, who does get introduced seemingly out of nowhere and has his own cast of side characters. Regardless of either MC, most of the cast are distinguishable from each other and have pretty interesting dynamics.

The pacing as a whole can best be described as a very slow-burner. Sometimes this works in its favor, since it allows for better fleshing out of characters and whatnot. Other times not so much. For some chapters, things are sometimes sped up and sometimes appear rushed but this is usually at the far-end for a chapter.

Vick and Li themselves are pretty good, distinct characters. They're not overpowered, and they have their own flaws and shortcomings here and there. They're only humans dealing with crises that are sometimes just out of their control, moreso in Vick's case, who's merely a lowly staff officer and lacks the same form of authority that Li has on her side of things. They have a good contrast to each other and both confront their problems differently. Vick's a plucky, naive and sarcastic gal that works pretty well with her Friederika character and serves as something of a light-hearted side of the story.

And Li's a stone-cold stoic who gradually unwinds and realizes her humanity as her character arc slowly unfolds, and comes to appreciate her found family more and more.

The prose and formatting, as well as dialogue tags as I mentioned in the beginning after ch17ish are wonky and may put off readers from reading anymore. But as I slowly matured I think I started to really find my own voice and improved almost considerably as the story progresses. I really have a knack for pausing dialogue and telling a person's body language in between dialogue, though I understand that not many people will like that sort of "anime" style stuff.

Overall, I think I would rate it a 4.5 stars for most categories, with plot and grammar getting a flat 4 for being the weakest because of the early amateur chapters.
 

bulmabriefs144

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That's quite a situation to write about, yet I dare to admit that it ignites curiosity. I do not wish to look at imagery of the kind, yet it is intriguing enough to read in a fictional context.

:blob_hmm_two:

So... where can I find this story?
It's called Oracle of Tao.

I will say that I am extremely dubious about your ability to get through the book though. And not just because it's a self-contained trilogy.

Off-the-top of my head, I rant about:
  1. Medicine is evil, only magic/faith healing/herbalism are proper ways to heal people. I also blatantly scoff at certain diseases.
  2. Oh yeah, also technology is evil, cuz pollution. But magic, it's eco-friendly. Except for alchemy, that's bad too. Sometimes.
  3. Transgender stuff. Specifically, I think trans people ought to have fertile sex organs.
  4. Some religion that I made up, which is all about personal boundaries. Also, I mention other religions.
  5. Indirectly about the connection of pop culture to spirituality (the in-universe God usually looks like the Triforce).
  6. How runes are atomic and subatomic magical particles (I bring this one up repeatedly, in case you forgot it)
  7. The Ancient Alien hypothesis, particularly that pyramids and such were actually flying warships or something.
  8. The Wind Fish dream hypothesis.
  9. Loads and loads of history, much of which is later proven to be contradictory. In fact, it's deliberately so, to call into question whether this story is even a reliable narrative. :blob_evil:
  10. How devices work in a magic heavy society (it's super-difficult to mass produce enchanted items, because you basically imprint part of your total magic onto the item).
  11. Really, really, really strange sex. Whenever I wrote a sex scene I thought about how it could actually be cute and romantic. Then I got cynical and settled for kinky and/or cheesy.
  12. Oh right, Earth is a flat Earth. Or more precisely, a waffle iron dual-disc Earth. When the sun sets, people in the equator get burned to death. 🧇
It's quite a task to get through my random musings, false leads, and tangents. But I had fun writing it.

And you are right not to look at such images. You cannot unsee them, whereas many of my sex scenes are slightly aloof (still a virgin).
 
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RimuThighHighs

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I'm harsher with myself than scathing review could ever be but if I'm being honest I'd say that it's rough and unrefined, the passing is often to fast or to slow some characterization is forced or contrived. The world building can be a touch confusing and or not adequately explained. And the sex scenes are often put in just to satisfy my own masturbatory fantasies.

The writing and grammar is often subpar and descriptions for characters and fight scenes could use a hefty dose of improvement. I do think the plot is progressing nicely and the story is engaging with no or at least a very small amount of plot holes. It's a dark fantasy, tragic revenge story wrapped inside a gender bending isekai.

The villains need to be fleshed out so they don't feel like caricatures being evil just for the sake of it

I'm not trying to write a masterpiece, a classic or a magnum opus. I started this novel on a whim without any planning or thought I just jumped write into the deep end and I'm damn proud of it blemishes and all. Because it's my fucking story and I created it and that has merit all on it's own.
 
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