Hows my story start

[Puppetboi]

I've started a third series and think it's looking good so far. I'm a relatively new writer only been going for a month or two excluding the long break I had to take due to personal reasons.

Anyways heres the link I've only released the introduction which sets up the series villains and the first chapter which more or less sets up the mcs interest and ability as well as setting up a way to bring up into to talk about the mcs past.

A Scaley Preformers Travel

I suck at summarys but here ya go. The story's about a young dragon exploring the world with the gem that holds his mother's soul holding small magic performances along the way slowly making friends and forming his own small troupe of musicians all while dealing with the corrupt priest...

www.scribblehub.com

Hows it looking so far.

Oh yeah and the mc is a small child dragon so I tried to make him seem young, ignorant, and innocent in attitude and actions I think I've done a good job but I could use a second opinion

 

[Yiphen]

I read a paragraph and I'm don't consider myself that good with criticism, so I'll just show how I would've written it..

"Deep in the sea, resting on the ocean floor lies the source of the worlds magic. A great beast as wide and tall as a mountain with a body as long as the greatest river, the corpse of a beast defeated by time covers the ocean floor, inside rest its heart, a mass of flesh free from the slow withering brought about the passing of centuries. Its heart, the container of its unending divinity continues to bless the world."


There lies a corpse.
Resting deep beneath the ocean tides, there lies a corpse.
It's body length a continent, its standing height a mountain, yet there it lies, a corpse.
It's perfectly still. Not one movement in sight. Yet deep within, its heart beats on.
It beats of magic.
Even after countless millennia, after all the ravages of time and of terrors, its heart beats on.
Muffled away by the long-rotten flesh, its heart beats on.
Blessing this world.