I am Writing a grimdark truly messed up book, would like some feedback, However Not about how horrible my grammar I know about that

[Shaizic]

Okay like I said it's a grimdark book. my grammar is bad I'm not looking for feedback about my grammar..
But I want to know is it dark enough. is it interesting? does it capture the element that you can see the world that the MC is in. and then yeah please read at lest up to chapter 4 before giving me feedback.
by the way, the book is R 18.

I'm not looking to see if you like my story if you like it great if you don't well it's not for you... I know few will like it. and even fewer will love it.

I'm not too sure if I'm even looking for reviews anymore. well I guess this is a way to advertise

 

[Armored99]

con'r red bod gramer.

 

[Shaizic]

con'r red bod gramer.

I can read your what you you said. It was pretty easy giggles so I mean if you can understand that then you shouldn't have a hard time reading my book ether

 

[SakeVision]

Now, there is such a thing as "bad grammar". That's when authors struggle with tenses or mess up plural with singular, or repeat words often, mostly cause english is not their first language, and they don't even realize they are making mistakes.

This never impeded my enjoyment of any fiction.

And then there is bad grammar where you don't even capitalize your sentences after a dot. like that. because why bother, also don't put a dot at the end of sentences

And you make both these mistakes in your synopsis alone. I dread to look at what your novel actually looks like, but at the same time I'm morbidly curious, so I'll give it a read and provide story/style feedbacks in comments, not mentioning a word about grammar beyond what I already said here~

edit: on the other hand, I change my mind and give up, I read chapter 1 and it gave me cancer

(you said this story is a "grimdark truly messed up" but, frankly speaking, I don't see the grimdark. In between the Tiny Kitten Slave, the TTRG, the 'Author's foot notes' and "giggles" in dialog quotation marks I just can't take it seriously...sorry, but at least I tried)

 

[KoyukiMegumi]

Now, there is such a thing as "bad grammar". That's when authors struggle with tenses or mess up plural with singular, or repeat words often, mostly cause english is not their first language, and they don't even realize they are making mistakes.

This never impeded my enjoyment of any fiction.

And then there is bad grammar where you don't even capitalize your sentences after a dot. like that. because why bother, also don't put a dot at the end of sentences

And you make both these mistakes in your synopsis alone. I dread to look at what your novel actually looks like, but at the same time I'm morbidly curious, so I'll give it a read and provide story/style feedbacks in comments, not mentioning a word about grammar beyond what I already said here~

edit: on the other hand, I change my mind and give up, I read chapter 1 and it gave me cancer

(you said this story is a "grimdark truly messed up" but, frankly speaking, I don't see the grimdark. In between the Tiny Kitten Slave, the TTRG, the 'Author's foot notes' and "giggles" in dialog quotation marks I just can't take it seriously...sorry, but at least I tried)

Now, you've made me curious. Lol I will give it a shot if author puts link. I can't see it on phone.

For chemotherapy for that cancer, I recommend kitty videos! It bleaches the eyes. xP

 

[Lloyd]

You immediately start off with passive prose which is a bad sign. At least run your stuff through grammarly or something if you've got poor grammar.

 

[SakeVision]

Now, you've made me curious. Lol I will give it a shot if author puts link. I can't see it on phone.

For chemotherapy for that cancer, I recommend kitty videos! It bleaches the eyes. xP

I like videos of big cats like lynx or caracal

 

[Shaizic]

Now, there is such a thing as "bad grammar". That's when authors struggle with tenses or mess up plural with singular, or repeat words often, mostly cause english is not their first language, and they don't even realize they are making mistakes.

This never impeded my enjoyment of any fiction.

And then there is bad grammar where you don't even capitalize your sentences after a dot. like that. because why bother, also don't put a dot at the end of sentences

And you make both these mistakes in your synopsis alone. I dread to look at what your novel actually looks like, but at the same time I'm morbidly curious, so I'll give it a read and provide story/style feedbacks in comments, not mentioning a word about grammar beyond what I already said here~

edit: on the other hand, I change my mind and give up, I read chapter 1 and it gave me cancer

(you said this story is a "grimdark truly messed up" but, frankly speaking, I don't see the grimdark. In between the Tiny Kitten Slave, the TTRG, the 'Author's foot notes' and "giggles" in dialog quotation marks I just can't take it seriously...sorry, but at least I tried)

It's cool lol I understand

You immediately start off with passive prose which is a bad sign. At least run your stuff through grammarly or something if you've got poor grammar.

Sigh grammarly doesn't fix everything. Okay I use it