I can predict whether your story will become popular or not

Hathnuz

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Well..
I will post my synopsis and teaser her.

My first chapter is describing about the world.The story is yet to reach.
I welcome your advice..

it may be confusing. the story is the life of mc and ml and side characters in different worlds.
Quick transmigration and Quick reincarnation, romance, slice of life, tragedy, boy's love are main genres.

This transmigration and reincarnation is not like usual. Mc will not possess anyone's body. Cause mc and ml are supreme souls in high realms. They don't have body. They creates thier own body.
Now, tell me?



Synopsis:
They were two lonely souls.
One was the reason for everything ......
While the other found 'him' as the reason.
His blood red eyes looked up to the sky.. His sharp gaze pierced through realms. But, he couldn't get a glimpse of him...
After a moment, demonic power surged from him. He crawled up from the hell and wreaked havoc in the worlds he saw. He became hated, feared and cursed by billions of people..
All was for...


Teaser:

His birth was the most majestic. In the highest realm, taking up millions and billions of years, he was finally formed. With his enchanting blue eyes, he hatefully stared at the ferocious demon..
"What do you want actually? "

Finally he spoke!!!
He spoke to me!!

The demon said nothing. Just looked at him lovingly. His mind overflowing with satisfaction..

"I only had one last wish, Yi "

He slowly said.Suddenly he moved backwards.. The corrosive thick demonic aura surged from his body.

The angel's pupil constricted.
He rushed to the demon and caught him by hand.

The demon weakly laid in his hands. Cracks appeared in his demon spirit body..

"I LOVE YOU LITTLE YI !!!"

That was his last words...

'To die from your hands..that was my final wish Yi. I am sorry.. If i get a chance without this cursed destiny, i will openly pursue you. But that will never happen. It is also good to never love me. You won't be sad if i disappear forever.. Right?? "

His soul scattered..
In his place, a black hole appeared..

Slowly, very slowly, he (angel) reached with his hands towards the black hole..


-Millions of billions of years passed....
Finally, The memories in the black hole ended.

Suddenly, he cried...
He cried in heart wrenching pain....

"Is it truly late??? "

He roared...



Is it truly late??
Read the story to know more..😁
Well, boys love is kind of unpopular nowadays, but doesn't mean it had no chance to be in spotlight. Yours, however, has a long way to go. The title and the premise aren't interesting. The synopsis and the first chapter also need some improvement. You do have popular tags among BL readers like QT and reincarnation, but those problems I mentioned might still hinder your readership.

Less than 100 readers by chapter 30.
What do you think I should change to make them more likely to be popular?
There are lots of ways. You can make main characters female and have them love each other. Or better yet, the hero was actually a male before. Maybe sprinkle some sex scenes too. You see where I'm going?

Although, there are ways that won't necessarily sacrifice your dignity as a writer. But, I won't tell you in this thread lol
 
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Paul_Tromba

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There are lots of ways. You can make main characters female and have them love each other. Or better yet, the hero was actually a male before. Maybe sprinkle some sex scenes too. You see where I'm going?

Although, there are ways that won't necessarily sacrifice your dignity as a writer. But, I won't tell you in this thread lol
Fair enough. Thank you for the input.
 

Artique

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Meeeeee~~~!!!!
 

Yi_San

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Well, boys love is kind of unpopular nowadays, but doesn't mean it had no chance to be in spotlight. Yours, however, has a long way to go. The title and the premise aren't interesting. The synopsis and the first chapter also need some improvement. You do have popular tags among BL readers like QT and reincarnation, but those problems I mentioned might still hinder your readership.

Less than 100 readers by chapter 30.

There are lots of ways. You can make main characters female and have them love each other. Or better yet, the hero was actually a male before. Maybe sprinkle some sex scenes too. You see where I'm going?

Although, there are ways that won't necessarily sacrifice your dignity as a writer. But, I won't tell you in this thread lol
Thankyou 😺🙏🙏🙏
 

Hathnuz

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Meeeeee~~~!!!!
At first glance, the story has no outstanding qualities but still fine... until I read the first chapter. Damn, that was quite sad. That chapter alone might carry your story all the way to trending and break 500 readers barrier. Even though the descriptions of stuff are lacking, I guess it's fine for webnovels.

Plus, you've rewritten your story, so some of your old readers will read the new one, adding more numbers to your readers count. Also, I don't know how it compares to the old one, but it seems that the rewrite has received positive feedback. Good job!

500-900 readers by chapter 30.
 
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Artique

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At first glance, the story has no outstanding qualities but still fine... until I read the first chapter. Damn, that was quite sad. That chapter alone might carry your story all the way to trending and break 500 readers barrier. Even though the descriptions of stuff are lacking, I guess it's fine for webnovels.

Plus, you've rewritten your story, so some of your old readers will read the new one, adding more numbers to your readers count. Also, I don't know how it compares to the old one, but it seems that the rewrite has received positive feedback. Good job!

500-900 readers by chapter 30.
Uwahhhh...Thank you so much~~~ I'm glad you enjoyed it!! And I've realized I have to work on the description a bit more. Thank you again!
 

Ddraig

<First Dragon of SHF> <Pokemon Goddess of NuF>
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Hola! Amateur here, please and thank you for this!
Some average joe "isekais" to a world similar to his own
He gets a system (pretty standard)
But the thing is, it's not exactly standard
It's an Auction System! Sounds useless?
Well it is, besides maxing his abilities (for now...)
and helping him sell stuff
it does nothing!

synopsis: "Selling Pill to increase your power by one step of anything you're cultivating! "Price will start at 100,000,000 dollars. increase must not be less than 10 million!" Every night at around 12 AM, the shouts of someone selling something from a small store would be heard. But inside this store were races that had never been seen on this universe. Even Gods came to this small store to buy items from a simple looking young man.

chapter 1: https://www.scribblehub.com/read/290103-my-auction-system/chapter/293095/

Enjoy making fun of my grammar.
Also, I suck with tags, so if you could suggest some decent ones that would be great!
I know you dropped it and it is unlikely to be well received here, but sol + cultivation and xxxholic-ish story sounds pretty fun.
 
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I'm not mainly looking for a review of if my novel will be popular or not. I just want some feedback on my latest short story. What can I do to make it better? I do know that some of the action scenes and transition to new scenes as a whole were messy. Some of the descriptions could've flowed way better. Other various things could also be better. However, anything helps as it is rare to have someone with a lot of experience review and help someone grow.

 

SakeVision

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had a mental breakdown and wrote a trashiest story there can be, if this shit becomes popular I will lose faith in humanity

 

Hathnuz

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Help with this please...
A work of my friend.it feels good to read too.
The story is bland.

Opening with dream sequence is a terrible choice to begin a chapter. Also, there are too many unnecessary descriptions that only clutter the chapter. Like, the action tags aren't supposed to be that long. I guess he tried to follow the "show, don't tell" advice, but he ended up telling most of the story, ironically.

Less than 100 readers by chapter 30.
I'm not mainly looking for a review of if my novel will be popular or not. I just want some feedback on my latest short story. What can I do to make it better? I do know that some of the action scenes and transition to new scenes as a whole were messy. Some of the descriptions could've flowed way better. Other various things could also be better. However, anything helps as it is rare to have someone with a lot of experience review and help someone grow.

Visit this or this thread for more thorough feedback.

But, I'll give my first impression of it. Often the sentences' length are too long and samey for action scenes; they need to short or at least varied. There are also too many I's, but maybe it's intentional? Even then, there's not enough personality shown to justify it. Not emotionless, just lack of actual personality. As a result, I find myself not very attached to the main character.
had a mental breakdown and wrote a trashiest story there can be, if this shit becomes popular I will lose faith in humanity

Then, I have a good news for you: it won't.

I guess you tried writing a satire, but to me it's just... bad. The story is too messy and the jokes are too on-the-nose. Maybe it's because you weren't serious when writing it. Nevertheless, you should've gone all out with the tags. Just add Girls Love, Gender Bender, Harem, Smut, etc. It probably will be popular if you do that lol.

Less than 100 readers by chapter 30.
 
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SakeVision

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Then, I have a good news for you: it won't.

I guess you tried writing a satire, but to me it's just... bad. The story is too messy and the jokes are too on-the-nose. Maybe it's because you weren't serious when writing it. Nevertheless, you should've gone all out with the tags. Just add Girls Love, Gender Bender, Harem, Smut, etc. It probably will be popular if you do that lol.

Less than 100 readers by chapter 30.

not serious is one way to say I was drunk af, possibly high
 

DarklyReadsBooks

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I know you dropped it and it is unlikely to be well received here, but sol + cultivation and xxxholic-ish story sounds pretty fun.
hmm, Im thinking about picking it back up sometime, but Im currently working on a re-write another of my novels.
 
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The story is bland.

Opening with dream sequence is a terrible choice to begin a chapter. Also, there are too many unnecessary descriptions that only clutter the chapter. Like, the action tags aren't supposed to be that long. I guess he tried to follow the "show, don't tell" advice, but he ended up telling most of the story, ironically.

Less than 100 readers by chapter 30.

Visit this or this thread for more thorough feedback.

But, I'll give my first impression of it. Often the sentences' length are too long and samey for action scenes; they need to short or at least varied. There are also too many I's, but maybe it's intentional? Even then, there's not enough personality shown to justify it. Not emotionless, just lack of actual personality. As a result, I find myself not very attached to the main character.

Then, I have a good news for you: it won't.

I guess you tried writing a satire, but to me it's just... bad. The story is too messy and the jokes are too on-the-nose. Maybe it's because you weren't serious when writing it. Nevertheless, you should've gone all out with the tags. Just add Girls Love, Gender Bender, Harem, Smut, etc. It probably will be popular if you do that lol.

Less than 100 readers by chapter 30.
Thanks! I now see more clearly what you mean by those things. This has helped me a lot in how I view action scenes. Also with my use of I, I looked back and saw that I did begin to go overboard at the end and a bit in the beginning.
 

KittraMcBriar

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Hope you don’t mind me bothering you again :P

This time I actually have one for you that’s under 30 chapters
Genres: Girls love, fantasy, comedy, drama, Josie, mature, romance, adventure, adult

notable tags: secret identity, cooking, enemies-to-lovers, battle competition, bisexual protagonist, arrogant characters, charming protagonist, revenge, forced marriage, confident protagonist, beautiful couple

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/324699/wicked-honey/
 

Hathnuz

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Hope you don’t mind me bothering you again :P

This time I actually have one for you that’s under 30 chapters
Genres: Girls love, fantasy, comedy, drama, Josie, mature, romance, adventure, adult

notable tags: secret identity, cooking, enemies-to-lovers, battle competition, bisexual protagonist, arrogant characters, charming protagonist, revenge, forced marriage, confident protagonist, beautiful couple

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/324699/wicked-honey/
It has the same problems as the last one.

The story was presumably written for females, but the ones who consume girls love fictions are mostly males (your last story was also the same, but I only noticed it now). They usually don't care how much make up the mc had put on. Just skip to the wish-fulfilment part, and you'll have satisfied readers, easy. Not that your story is bad, it just doesn't appeal to the right audience. You probably have better luck in Amazon, Kindle, or even wattpad.

Less than 150 readers by chapter 30.

Oh, btw, I think the cover harms your readership, though it's up to you whether to change it.
 
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ElijahRyne

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Uhh, don’t hold back:
Synopsis:
What is the pit, what is the calamity? With a pinch of planar warfare, mystery cults, demons, gods and immortals. All this and more in Under the Tower! a story told in parts!

Part 1
This part follows Andha Ild, a Fire mage, who gained his power from his family bloodline. When he lost his eye, he was rescued by a mysterious arcanist, to whom he becomes an apprentice. On top of learning the profession, he learns how after the calamity, families with magic bloodlines restricted both information and power from those without these bloodlines.

One day while training under the tower, he was chased by a cloud of disembodied hands, until he found a strange giant pit in the ground. He knew that some demons and invaders were sealed in these pits. But those pits were clearly marked. This pit was not, yet, here he is safe from the cloud of hands. One day the pit tells Andha that he can make a wish, if he sacrifices his arm. Remembering that those with bloodlines restricted those without, he wishes for all humans on this plane to have a magic bloodline. What happens next? (Current Part!)

Tags+Genres:

Action, Adventure, Fantasy, Horror, Martial Arts, Mystery, Sci-fi, Supernatural
Tags
Alchemy, Aristocracy, Artifact Crafting, Battle Academy, Bloodlines, Body Tempering, Clan Building, Conspiracies, Cosmic Wars, Cultivation, Demons, Elemental Magic, Gods, Magic Beasts, Magic Formations, Magical Space, Magical Technology, Multiple Protagonists, Multiple Realms, Priests, Souls, Thriller, Wars, Wizards, World Travel

Prolouge:

https://www.scribblehub.com/read/335126-under-the-tower/chapter/335166/

Chapter 1:
https://www.scribblehub.com/read/335126-under-the-tower/chapter/339234/
 

KittraMcBriar

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It has the same problems as the last one.

The story was presumably written for females, but the ones who consume girls love fictions are mostly males (your last story was also the same, but I only noticed it now). They usually don't care how much make up the mc had put on. Just skip to the wish-fulfilment part, and you'll have satisfied readers, easy. Not that your story is bad, it just doesn't appeal to the right audience. You probably have better luck in Amazon, Kindle, or even wattpad.

Less than 150 readers by chapter 30.

Oh, btw, I think the cover harms your readership, though it's up to you whether to change it.
Ok thank you! Once I'm finished I'll be publishing elsewhere, so not bad news. Kinda confused because I don't mention make-up at all, the first chapter is literally her getting her face magically transformed into a different face lol
 

Hathnuz

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Uhh, don’t hold back:
Your novel sucks. The title is so bland, even bottled water has much better taste. The synopsis is as fun as watching a paint dry. Try saying it out loud without getting bored midway. The premise is terrible and insipid -- the typical trending stories on this site are miles better. As for the cover... I don't know what the hell is that. A burned tree? A cave entrance? You better off using the default cover instead of that ugly picture.

Into the first chapter. Oh man, it's an utterly convoluted, boring, and sleep-inducing mess. It's like you want to make the readers close your novel as quickly as possible. For starters, take a look at first paragraph:
It was a bright summer day. There were no clouds visible in the sky. It was late in the afternoon, as a black blur was moving through the sky. It was a large bird with two heads, black feathers, green eyes, four talons on its feet, and two red beaks. The bird was flying to a series of mountains that were in the distance.
A bright summer day... that opening is so cliche and lazy -- but, that's just the tiniest problem. The pacing is excruciatingly slow due to over describing (more of that later), liberal usages of the dreaded past continuous tense, repetitive sentences length, and passive voices. Moreover, the description of that object like a robot describing it. I'm not saying you should write purple prose, but come on, at least make it natural.

Here, my one-minute edit of that paragraph:
On a blistering summer afternoon, a twin-headed bird bolted toward the mountain range as if fleeing from a disaster.
Not perfect, but it conveys as much as needed information with a single sentence. Notice the differences? I used verbs instead of adjectives, simple past tense over past continuous tense, and active voice for more powerful writing (no 'there' as a crutch). Additionally, I omitted unnecessary details of the bird for the sake of pacing and readers' sanity. My version also foreshadows a conflict later in the story to keep the readers reading.

You might be wondering, why did I change the narrative? Well, because the original one is boring. You're writing a book, not a movie. You don't need a random bird acting as a camera on behalf of the audience and overlooking a bunch of humans -- even movies don't do that anymore.

Now, let's move on to the main problem:
As the group were talking, the bird in question was hunting. The bird was three meters tall, one and a half meters wide, and had a length of two meters. Its body was comparable to its neck in length. With its neck being about a meter long. It had two long wings, with three small claws, the wings were similar to those of a bat. The bird had green and grey colored feathers that covered its entire body, with the exemption of its long legs.
This is what I meant by over-describing; there are other examples but this particular one is the most noticeable. Nobody gives a shit about the precise measurement of a neck on a fecking bird! Literally nobody except you. And other trivial appearance of whatever monster that is. You could probably call it 'Giant Bat Eagle" without mentioning any details and readers would still be able to imagine it.

My point is, try to write a story, not a wikipedia entry. Don't get too technical with the descriptions; write flowing descriptions instead. I don't want to give more examples because I'm tired at this point. There are other problems beside the ones I mentioned, but maybe other reviewers could help you with those.

TL;DR avoid using passive voices, past continuous tense sentences, 'there' as a crutch, repetitive sentences' length, going overblown with details, etc. Trust your readers to let their imagination run wild; they're smarter than you think.

Less than 50 readers by chapter 30.

Man that was really long. I'll never write a review this long anymore. Please don't be offended since you're asking for it lol
 
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ElijahRyne

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Your novel sucks. The title is so bland, even bottled water has much better taste. The synopsis is as fun as watching a paint dry. Try saying it out loud without getting bored midway. The premise is terrible and insipid -- the typical trending stories on this site are miles better. As for the cover... I don't know what the hell is that. A burned tree? A cave entrance? You better off using the default cover instead of that ugly picture.

Into the first chapter. Oh man, it's an utterly convoluted, boring, and sleep-inducing mess. It's like you want to make the readers close your novel as quickly as possible. For starters, take a look at first paragraph:

A bright summer day... that opening is so cliche and lazy -- but, that's just the tiniest problem. The pacing is excruciatingly slow due to over describing (more of that later), liberal usages of the dreaded past continuous tense, repetitive sentences length, and passive voices. Moreover, the description of that object like a robot describing it. I'm not saying you should write purple prose, but come on, at least make it natural.

Here, my one-minute edit of that paragraph:

Not perfect, but it conveys as much as needed information with a single sentence. Notice the differences? I used verbs instead of adjectives, simple past tense over past continuous tense, and active voice for more powerful writing (no 'there' as a crutch). Additionally, I omitted unnecessary details of the bird for the sake of pacing and readers' sanity. My version also foreshadows a conflict later in the story to keep the readers reading.

You might be wondering, why did I change the narrative? Well, because the original one is boring. You're writing a book, not a movie. You don't need a random bird acting as a camera on behalf of the audience and overlooking a bunch of humans -- even movies don't do that anymore.

Now, let's move on to the main problem:

This is what I meant by over-describing; there are other examples but this particular one is the most noticeable. Nobody gives a shit about the precise measurement of a neck on a fecking bird! Literally nobody except you. And other trivial appearance of whatever monster that is. You could probably call it 'Giant Bat Eagle" without mentioning any details and readers would still be able to imagine it.

My point is, try to write a story, not a wikipedia entry. Don't get too technical with the descriptions; write flowing descriptions instead. I don't want to give more examples because I'm tired at this point. There are other problems beside the ones I mentioned, but maybe other reviewers could help you with those.

TL;DR avoid using passive voices, past continuous tense sentences, 'there' as a crutch, repetitive sentences' length, going overblown with details, etc. Trust your readers to let their imagination run wild; they're smarter than you think.

Less than 50 readers by chapter 30.

Man that was really long. I'll never write a review this long anymore. Please don't be offended since you're asking for it lol

Thank you! After reading this, I went and checked my through my chapters… at least none were as bad as the first…
Thankfully though, I have, now, somewhat revised them.
No offense taken, it was very helpful!
 
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