In a world filled with danger and treachery, a mutant orc is born into the tumultuous land of Kuroinu. The world is plagued with political strife, madmen, and other horrors that threaten to consume everything. But amidst the chaos, a hero emerges, determined to protect those around him from the...
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this is my story if anyone wants to read, i dont know how one maybe able to get some serious feedback
Ill put it on my read list and see if i can give it a review later on in the day or week.
are you sure you want a full review at only 2 chapters? It does seem a little early, though you may just be paranoid about the ratings.
(just a quick warning, never heard of kuroinu so ill probably be reviewing without knowledge of source material. if theres something i REALLY NEED TO KNOW let me know but otherwise have fun with that)
Ill put it on my read list and see if i can give it a review later on in the day or week.
are you sure you want a full review at only 2 chapters? It does seem a little early, though you may just be paranoid about the ratings.
(just a quick warning, never heard of kuroinu so ill probably be reviewing without knowledge of source material. if theres something i REALLY NEED TO KNOW let me know but otherwise have fun with that)
Your story executes rather well, I found myself not jarred out of my mental movie so often, except for two places:
Chapter 1, as probably one of the more just shocking Truck-kun sequences I have read. I certainly hope that the high school setting plays a part in chapters to come, cause otherwise you could have done any number of other Truck-kun sequences that don't leave the reader as appalled and gotten the same outcome. Like, what you have right now paints Jacob in a horrifying light, and if that's what you're intending then awesome but that could get a reader to click off. Honestly? I want what happened in Chapter 1 to come back and bite your protagonist in the ass because frankly he deserves it, and it will give that sudden start more presence and drive in the story.
I will mention that I had to reread the end of Chapter 1 because Chapter 2 happened which gave me some whiplash until I reread and realized that it was Roku who killed Jacob and not vice versa.
But otherwise, Chapter 2 proceeded like a breeze. It set up the alternate world fairly nicely, and since this seems to be fanfiction, the world already exists, but to my unknowledgeable eye it reads like a tried-and-true fantasy setup.
Chapter 3. Hoo-boy. Okay, the text of Chapter 3 is good, like, I didn't have any hiccups there. However, I personally cannot stand the images. To your credit you did try to warn me, multiple times, and I do NOT hold it against you. It really does stop my mental movie dead in the water and I have to re-start it. (Also some of them seemed kinda unnecessarily proportioned, but this could be by design. Regardless, I heavily favor your Chapter 2 images over your Chapter 3.)
Also keep in mind it's categorically easier to just ignore a work in SH than leave a bad rating/review. Bad ratings I think come in either if you did something someone HATED (Like let's just put BL as a genre because people are assholes about it), or because you're so flipping popular and someone thinks your work is overhyped (There are novels and authors I hold this view of, but I don't bother them about it because it wouldn't achieve anything.)
I think your ratings are legitimate ratings, and you do have some really cool shit going on. And you do take care to caution your readers for adult material which is appreciated. Do not let the subjective problems I have discouraged bother you, but maybe polish that last bit of Chapter 1. That really did throw me off.
Your story executes rather well, I found myself not jarred out of my mental movie so often, except for two places:
Chapter 1, as probably one of the more just shocking Truck-kun sequences I have read. I certainly hope that the high school setting plays a part in chapters to come, cause otherwise you could have done any number of other Truck-kun sequences that don't leave the reader as appalled and gotten the same outcome. Like, what you have right now paints Jacob in a horrifying light, and if that's what you're intending then awesome but that could get a reader to click off. Honestly? I want what happened in Chapter 1 to come back and bite your protagonist in the ass because frankly he deserves it, and it will give that sudden start more presence and drive in the story.
I will mention that I had to reread the end of Chapter 1 because Chapter 2 happened which gave me some whiplash until I reread and realized that it was Roku who killed Jacob and not vice versa.
But otherwise, Chapter 2 proceeded like a breeze. It set up the alternate world fairly nicely, and since this seems to be fanfiction, the world already exists, but to my unknowledgeable eye it reads like a tried-and-true fantasy setup.
Chapter 3. Hoo-boy. Okay, the text of Chapter 3 is good, like, I didn't have any hiccups there. However, I personally cannot stand the images. To your credit you did try to warn me, multiple times, and I do NOT hold it against you. It really does stop my mental movie dead in the water and I have to re-start it. (Also some of them seemed kinda unnecessarily proportioned, but this could be by design. Regardless, I heavily favor your Chapter 2 images over your Chapter 3.)
Also keep in mind it's categorically easier to just ignore a work in SH than leave a bad rating/review. Bad ratings I think come in either if you did something someone HATED (Like let's just put BL as a genre because people are assholes about it), or because you're so flipping popular and someone thinks your work is overhyped (There are novels and authors I hold this view of, but I don't bother them about it because it wouldn't achieve anything.)
I think your ratings are legitimate ratings, and you do have some really cool shit going on. And you do take care to caution your readers for adult material which is appreciated. Do not let the subjective problems I have discouraged bother you, but maybe polish that last bit of Chapter 1. That really did throw me off.
lat bit huh m.night shyamalan stuff huh, i didnt want to end in a sucide that would make the next chapters self pity, so i went with the next best thing a crazy person from down under in florida
www.scribblehub.com
this is my story if anyone wants to read, i dont know how one maybe able to get some serious feedback
