I have a small first chapter going, I like how dark it is but does anyone else feel the same when reading it

[DominaterRaider]

The Night Walker

A rumble comes from a cemetery, inside the cemetery, a crypt decorated for the powerful and high-class people starts to shake. Silence falls then a bang, the metal door flies off the hinges, a man stands half of his face is fully decomposed, the other half is still alive. A...

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It is based in the Roman era but fantasy and magic are in the mix.

 

[Anon_Y_Mousse]

At the end, you switch from present-tense to past-tense, is this intentional?

Otherwise, it doesn't particularly give me a good or bad impression on the first chapter. It's pretty badass yes, but not really scary or unsettling.

 

[DominaterRaider]

At the end, you switch from present-tense to past-tense, is this intentional?

Otherwise, it doesn't particularly give me a good or bad impression on the first chapter. It's pretty badass yes, but not really scary.

Yeah, it was intentional, and thanks, for what I feel is like a harrowing experience. I want to change the settings to a dark villain who changes the world with his underlings while they use his face to spread the word.

 

[Anon_Y_Mousse]

Yeah, it was intentional, and thanks, for what I feel is like a harrowing experience. I want to change the settings to a dark villain who changes the world with his underlings while they use his face to spread the word.

The later chapters would change a reader's impression of your first chapter tbh, there's a sense of mystery to it. Just some general tips though, get a cover,, it helps a lot... even a simple clipart with the title and your name would do. It sets you apart from other stories, specially with your title and tags that are not particularly eye-catching. You should also use as much tags as possible to attract as much potential audience as you can, and so people would know what's unique about your writing.

 

[DominaterRaider]

The later chapters would change a reader's impression of your first chapter tbh, there's a sense of mystery to it. Just some general tips though, get a cover,, it helps a lot... even a simple clipart with the title and your name would do. It sets you apart from other stories, specially with your title and tags that are not particularly eye-catching. You should also use as much tags as possible to attract as much potential audience as you can, and so people would know what's unique about your writing.

Thanks for the info, any ideas to get a skeleton image without stealing one.