I NEED FEEDBACK ASAP!

KingMusa

Member
Joined
Aug 15, 2020
Messages
58
Points
23
Helloooo everyone! I've written three stories which none of them are completed yet but id like y'all to check out two of my stories and tell me what you think! I'd appreciate constructive feedback but any type of feedback is good both negative and positive! Oh and if possible it would be awesome if you could rate the series

I'll drop the synopsis and link for both of the stories, feel free to pick one or both to look at and give me a feedback on

P.s don't worry both the stories only have like 4-5 chapters so far so they will be quick to read

Title: Enslaved: Carnage
Synopsis: Jinn Winters, once a slave himself, is now a traveling mercenary who makes it his primary job to free slaves, from the clutches of slave traders and slave masters, and he isn't afraid of going against the law to do so.

Jinn carries with him a rare and dangerous brand of a sword known as "Snow Piercer", which he uses to cut down any foe that wants to stop him from doing his job.

In this story Jinn is asked by an old man named George, to help save his grandson and a bunch of other children, who have all been kidnapped by a secret cult called "Azzrens Hand", and being its Jinns soul job to free slaves he agrees and travels with George to go and free his grandson and the other children from the evil cult

Title: Yoko City: Dreamers Paradise
Synopsis: Crime, Violence, Corruption, and DREAMERS. Those are the four traits that make up the cyberpunk city known as "Yoko City, the City of Sleepless Dreamers". Yoko City is part of the Galactic Kingdom being one of its main districts, but also its worst district. Despite Yoko City being deemed as an incredibly dangerous city, it's still an incredibly busy city with a large population that keeps increasing. People come to this city to make their dreams a reality by any means necessary.

Since Yoko City is such a crime-filled district, Special Jack of All Trades companies has become one of the most popular and high earning jobs. This story is about the members of Dreamers Paradise and the odd jobs they accept. Although it mainly revolves around Marcus who is kind of the main protagonist other members will have their own chapters where they will be the main lead.

Marcus Jévon. Kingston is a reckless daredevil who takes part in the illegal and extreme sport known as "Sky Racing". His dreams to one day be the best Sky Rider!

When Marcus isn't racing or doing whatever youthful people do nowadays, he's out taking on all sorts of odd jobs with his mysterious power known as "Origins"
 

Nezothecat

Active member
Joined
Jun 7, 2020
Messages
63
Points
33
I read some chapters and I can say it was quite good and refreshing. Your story was easy to comprehend and I like the flow.

I'm not good at giving feedback tho but if there is one thing bothering me was differences in spaces, but that's only me and my confused self. Please do continue both they are good.
 

KingMusa

Member
Joined
Aug 15, 2020
Messages
58
Points
23
That you for the feedback! I'll look out for the spaces in the future chapters
 
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